Self Reflections on Injustice

I’m sharing my deeper thoughts on being an angry black woman. Self-reflection is so important to see where I can do better or see differently. In my previous article, 7 Powerhouse Women Who Will Inspire You to Rise, I quote seven Black women who I look up to. Today, I will use a quote from Lena Horne, “It’s not the size of the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it. Carry it by the comfortable handles of gratitude for what’s positive and that it’s not worse, rather than the uncomfortable edge of bitterness for the negatives and that it is not better”. She was born in 1917 on a cotton farm in Georgia so her analogy was literal on some level. Think about how that is pertinent to what’s happening now. All the killings, economic injustices

But by choosing gratitude over all else, she rose above her situation. This reminds me of my own life. About 20 years ago, I became Muslim 2 months before September 11th. While I was on a spiritual high, I have been going through what everyone now is experiencing now for 20 years. So each day I chose to slow down each interaction and carefully selected my energy and how I showed up. When you carry the vibration of love which is the highest vibration, it’s hard for someone to misbehave with you. For example, if you smile at someone, it takes an especially miserable person to not smile back. Be curious about the aggressor. Anger and fear are two sides of the same coin. People hate something they fear and fear something they hate.

Watch my talk here. Self-discipline is the measure of a society. It brings oneness and clarity when it shows up powerfully. That’s why self-reflection matters in eradicating racism and inculcating change. Having laws is great, however, it’s the inner work that we do individually that makes the laws part of mainstream culture. I love seeing my white friends curious about self-examining their actions, choices, and “autopilot behaviors”. One of them told me recently, “when I heard about George Floyd, I cried for 3 days. If it hadn’t been for lockdown, I previously was only “empathetic” but now I actually felt him as he was myself experiencing that”.

Here’s the exercise I propose:

  • Slow life down to a moment at a time. Be intentional about the energy you bring to the interaction.
  • See the other person as a mirror image of yourself
  • Be curious whether they are (a) projecting deep trauma or fear, (b) a cry for help, © confusion.

There’s always more behind the “anger” or “misbehavior”, we are all really children inside in that way. At a minimum, it’s a fear of the unknown and at maximum the culmination of a lifetime of mistrust, misunderstandings, mistreatment, frustrations, and a lack of love and nurturing. For those of you on a personal development journey start connecting the dots. Replenish Me is a comprehensive program where the first two steps help you to self-reflect:

  1. Release what’s expected and accepted in your culture and society
  2. Restructure: what are your personal values separate from your culture and society? Create a habit to honor and support your own personal values
  3. Refresh: Time to hit the streets and enforce those same boundaries with others
  4. Rebirth: show up powerfully in self-belief and self-trust spreading your vision, mission, and values

Personal development isn’t just about feeling good in your skin it’s about affecting your circle of influence.


Cordelia Gaffar
Cordelia Gaffar
Cordelia Gaffar is the Emotions Opener Transformation Strategist guiding female wealth strategists with leaning into difficult emotions so they can show up powerfully. After leaving her corporate career as a controller for an IT start-up, she emerged as an author sharing how to self-nurture and began coaching women in her community, deepened her craft with continuing research and study in nutrition, fitness, spiritual practices, and overall emotional wellness. She guides women on the road map to being free to release, restructure, refresh and rebirth with her Replenish Me Program. In 2019, she won the Powerhouse Global Award for Best Podcast Host of 2019 in the UK and Volunteer of the Year by ACHI magazine. As a best-selling co-author of America’s Leading Ladies: who positively impact the world with Oprah Winfrey, Malika Chopra, and several other dynamic women, she will soon release her latest book surrounding case studies and research on emotional mastery. She has also recently been selected Ambassador of Peace by INSPAD and Director for the USA chapter.

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  1. Cordelia, brilliant article!
    I love how you share and invite us into practical self-reflective actions to build our awareness, presence and self-regulation muscles.
    Personal development is I believe both about the personal learning journey, the associated hard work we must do with ourselves, and then how do we apply our learning to uplift others, create better and amplify impact in our circle of influence.

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