Self-Hate Affecting Dating Choices: The Negative Societal Agreements and Divisive Rhetoric’s Within the Black Community

–PART 2 of 3

The societal agreement that darker-skinned is less than, can affect marriage the dating choice for black men, and even opportunities to showcase black beauty. The birth of such hatred back dates from slavery, in those scenarios the lighter-skinned enslaved black women and their children. There has been an immense improvement over the years, but there is still room for improvement. This calls for a renewing of the mind for the generations to come, to a point that they did not even know colourism once existed.

Attractiveness within the black community is also a topic that should be up for an open discussion. Starting with the black nose i.e. the African American nose. A study was conducted in America for black noses, the groups were divided into three. Group A, B, and C the “African”, the “Afro-caucasian” and the Afro-Indian. Focusing on the study, it states that 44% belonged to the African group. The afro-Caucasian had 37%  and Afro-Indians 19%. In the midst of this data, 53% was a concave dorsum that belonged to the African. Simply meaning that the African had the shortest and widest nose. The big nose and bigger lips have been classified as the last feature desired in society. Society often encourages narrowing the nose. Rhinoplasty is a method often used for narrowing the nose and it is widely supported. The lips can be seen as a negative if too big, and minorities often debate amongst themselves. However, experienced orthodontists stated the level of protrusiveness and thickness to be a necessity for maintaining aesthetics for the Africans, this is completely contrary to the societal view that big lips are unattractive.

These distorted views for both lips and noses arise from, the new prominent standard that reflects that current trend which concludes the concept of beauty. It is extremely dangerous which could even put children in danger of being hated based on their facial structure. Additionally, dangerous for both black women and men if they are deemed “undatable” if we keep distorting our ideals of beauty. There are accounts of young ladies being mystified because of their big noses and sizeable lips.

Self-love and acceptance are the ultimate incorporations needed within the community. Looks and beauty should remain a subjective element, and the societal agreement should not become a weapon of destruction for people born with bigger features.

As if classifying the features of the Africans as hideous wasn’t enough. Music videos that are glorified seem to be the ones downgrading the black women, this can often be encouraged by black men. A large majority of black women deem the videos as negative and misogynistic. Report from the root condemns the music of black women in even pop videos. It deems it as hypersexualized and endlessly sexual. The activists are calling on leading figures to make the amendments. I believe it is destructive and as stated by Dorothea Brenda “there are seeds of self-destruction in all of us that will only unhappiness if allowed to grow .”


Kevin Munga
Kevin Munga
Kevin Munga is an Activist, Author, and Public speaker. In 2017, he released his first book "Young Black Males Have Potential" which amassed significant attention and has been featured on several reputable news outlets and TV shows. Including Russia Today, The BBC, London Live, Congolese National TV RTNC, and Dutch National TV Synaps. Kevin is of Congolese descent and is the youngest from a family of three. He was born in the Northern Suburbs of Paris in a small town called Sarcelles. At the age of twenty-one, Kevin stumbled across the opportunity to be able to gain the necessary qualifications to get into university via an Access course. Kevin was able to gather the finances to pay for the course and acquired the qualifications to gain entry into West London University to study Law. During his degree, Kevin started volunteering at PRU schools and this eventually led to a path of Activism. In his second year of University, this activism translated into Kevin's first book that he wrote independently entitled 'Young Black Males Have Potential.' The book touches on the stereotypes and struggles faced by young males in the minorities and provides motivation, productive solutions, and self-help techniques in order to overcome and challenge these struggles and stereotypes. The book was released in October 2017 and slowly gained media attention. Following the release of his book, Kevin has been invited to several news and television outlets. Including Russia Today, The BBC, London Live, RTNC (National Congolese Television), and Synaps (National Dutch Television). He has also been invited and had the opportunity to meet with London Mayor Sadiq Khan and Shadow Home Secretary Dianne Abbott. In conjunction with the book, Kevin began receiving requests from schools, colleges, and financial institutions to speak about his personal experiences. He has taken on a successful path of motivational public speaking with his most recent appearance being at HM Prison Wandsworth. Kevin recently signed a publishing deal with Austin Macauley Publishers. Now an Activist, Author, Law graduate, and Public speaker. Kevin aims to continue defying the odds and often states the following: "I am trying to challenge the ideology that in order to be somebody where I am from, you need road status. Or that the only way young black males make it where I am from, is if they know how to kick a ball or write lyrics.”

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