We call for the need for self-awareness. That is great. However, self-awareness is not always welcome. It produces its paradoxes. I am sharing two of them in this article. Self-awareness is at the top of the pyramid of needs. Before I proceed, I want to discuss very briefly, what the components of self-awareness are.
The five components of emotional intelligence according to Goleman are:
- Self-awareness- of our own emotions by understanding them and realizing how they affect others.
- Self-regulation- the ability to count to 10 before responding.
- Intrinsic motivation- by being self-driven.
- Empathy- the ability to understand how others feel.
- Social skills- by being able to connect and bond with others.
Can you figure out the problem? It is the paradox that the social need to belong precedes self-awareness and self-regulation on Maslow’s pyramid of needs. However, without having self-awareness it is not possible to build meaningful social ties.
Are we back to the chicken and egg problem on which comes first?
The second and more subtle issue with self-awareness and self-esteem is that they may be deterrents to reconciliation.
When two people or more are in conflict self-awareness people tend to protect their self-esteem by blaming the other side. If the two conflicting parties had enough awareness of self they would understand how their feeling affect others. They would then realize that real self-esteem is in respecting and understanding others.
We tend to put self-esteem and self-awareness in two different directions. Do you agree?
It’s difficult for me to answer your question, it would require good knowledge of human nature or psychology, which I don’t have!
Theoretically the answer could be YES!
However, I think that an individual’s self-awareness directly affects their self-esteem. The more confident a person is, the less he will allow society to invade his private life and control it. I have very often noticed that anyone who takes responsibility for the realization of individual aspirations almost always has adequate self-esteem, that is, he knows his strengths and weaknesses, but does not flagellate himself on every occasion.
Perhaps the key to overcoming the paradox is authenticity: the authentic individual lives his own reality by knowing himself, being himself in his own unrepeatable individuality, becoming increasingly credible and sensitive and appreciating the individuality of others. It is important to express what hurts and is disturbing in relationships, without accusing, but with sincerity, in order to communicate to the other what one’s needs and expectations are. It is equally important to accept the other in his individuality, without expecting him to behave as we want him to change for us.
Reading your great comment I concluded that you shall refer to authenticity, Aldo.
You did and your explanation makes full sense.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts