Self Actualization – What’s the Big Deal?

And he said, “O man greatly loved, fear not, peace be with you; be strong and of good courage.” –Daniel 10:19

Being Committed with Self-Control because not only does my health and wellness matter, the health and wellness of others; my family, work colleagues, community, and the world matters.

In the dictionary, emotions are classified as being nouns; an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness. For many, emotions identified as nouns seem contradictory. Feelings and emotions seem like they are descriptive words describing how a person is feeling, an adjective. Unfortunately, they are not. Okay, so emotions are nouns, how come this important to know? It is essential to know because many, if not most people, stir up cognitive distortions, blaming others as the root cause of their frustrations. Instead, a person needs to know that they are responsible for their thoughts and the emotions they choose to have.

When being committed with self-control, a person can better understand that others, too, are at the choice of what emotions and feelings they have — acknowledging that the feelings and emotional control they have directly impacts the feelings and emotional control of someone else. Managing meta emotions is vital for a person to live as a servant leader and to live a flourishing life.

Self Actualization takes into consideration various elements, and some are listed below:

  1. Discern my purpose and core values – what values do others have.
  2. Gain knowledge of my Sound Relationship House – individuals who work full time can many times spend more time at work than they do at home.

Sound relationship house principles to apply at work and home:

  • Enhance Love Maps
  • Nurture Fondness and Admiration
  • Turn Toward Others
  • Accept the Influence of Others
  • Solve Solvable Problems
  • Overcome Gridlock
  • Create Shared Meaning
  1. Identify my difficult feelings then learn how not to become them – These feelings do not define my character, my identity, or who I am as a person. Learn how to be with the emotion as it is without projecting fear and anxiety.
  2. Be flexible in honoring other’s choices.
  3. Halt dismissing others; eliminate saying the words; “No,” “But,” and “You’re wrong.”
  • Validate other’s options – essential to healthy wellbeing and performance.
  • Halt the rolling one’s eyes and making a disapproving facial expression; Contempt is one of the leading causes of divorce and employee dissatisfaction.

How relationships forgive and repair is what separates the relationship Masters from the Disasters.

Duperon, a multiple Emmy Award-winning television producer, shares how forgiveness makes a person a better leader in the workplace. She offered the following: five hidden-in-plain-sight ways that forgiveness will make you a better leader:

  1. It fosters risk-taking and adaptability in the workplace.
  2. Forgiveness allows you to shift perceptions and change gears as a leader efficiently and fluidly
  3. A forgiveness work environment authentically engages your employees, vendors and customers.
  4. Forgiveness-based workplaces also attract the best talent, especially from millennials.
  5. And finally, forgiveness creates a higher level of integrity throughout the workplace.

“Forgiveness is accepting the apology you’ll never receive,” – Duperon

Blessings to your being committed with self-control, forgiving and repairing!


Sara Thingvold
Sara Thingvold
Sara Thingvold, MCLC, ACC, is an Executive and Life Coach, Trainer, and Consultant, sought out to partner with executive leaders and leadership teams, individuals, couples, and groups. She is the founder and owner of Sara Thingvold Professional Services, and a collaborative business partner with Triune Leadership Services. She began coaching and training others when she was a sophomore in high school and started her own company in 2009. She is passionate about encouraging and walking alongside others. Sara and her husband have been married for 29 years They have two wonderful young adult children, a lovely daughter-in-law, and an adorable grandson. Sara is a University of Nebraska – Lincoln graduate and Husker Volleyball player Alumni. She enjoys the outdoors, cooking with her husband and family, gardening, hiking, running, crafting, and various other activities and hobbies, especially exercising her mind, body, and spirit, and being intentional about deepening her own well-being. You can learn more about Sara, coaching, and the online training programs she offers on her website at Sara Thingvold.

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  1. Great insights. Forgiveness is so key and as you point out, goes hand in had with being willing to extend yourself, make risks and even fail. You have to be willing to leave the safety of what you know works if you want to make a bigger impact.

    • One has to be willing to leave the safety of what one knows what works to make a bigger impact…great insight Joe, thank you!

  2. Sara, It is Forgiveness yes! Across all aspects of life.. makes me think if many are the across the board. Are some more forgiving at home, at work, social life or most important to self? By forgiving self one will learn to forgive others. Interesting to me. The more you practice forgiveness, the better you get at it… good read. Thank you Sara.

  3. Thank you for sharing this one, Sara! You share some great points that I’ll take as nuggets to remember. I remember reading somewhere that only 15% of us actually get to self-actualization as a rule rather than the exception. It’s a lofty goal but as this piece indicates, it’s not impossible to achieve.

    One thing that struck me as I read the part about eliminating the word “no.” I’ve had some interesting conversations lately about strengthening relationships by not only setting firm boundaries but by communicating them. I think that sometimes being honest about feelings, wants and needs – even if it means saying no to someone else – is often healthier for the relationship than sacrificing self-care.

    • I hope the article came across okay. Saying ‘No’ is very important, absolutely! What was suppose to be intended was to not squelch and dismiss people’s opinions and feelings by after they share. Thank you, Melissa, for your feedback, I really appreciate it!