Be realistic: Plan for a miracle.
—Osho Rajneesh
For those of you who are honoring me by stopping by for the first time, I want to express my deepest gratitude! This being said, you might want to know that I am a survivor.
Back in September 2018, and after having been harshly abused by a malignant narcissist, I was about to end my life. I was saved at the last moment by the grace of my pure love divinity through an out-of-body experience. It was as if the servant leader in me dissociated to make me see all the lies of my unhealthy ego and realize this gigantic Universe was not revolving around my small self.
This miracle made me believe that when we reach a point of no return, we are granted a unique chance to see our limitless power — only numbed by the life-time of conditioning and unbecome the filter!
Many people tend to ask me the following uncomfortable question:
What is that special about you to be “saved” by your divinity while so many proceeded with taking their lives?
The discomfort comes from ignoring the answer! What I’m sure about, though, is that it is anything close to being that special.
It seems to me that some virtue might be the answer. I love to think it is the mother of all virtues: the exquisite humility.
Some people, in a desperate trial for them to cope with their unconscious suffering coming from their unfriendly subconscious program needed to amplify their self-esteem; thus, developed narcissistic tendencies and an inflated ego.
You may spot the tendencies in the question above considering that an empath would consider others’ feelings and always keep in mind the horrible traumas they went through. Consequently, they’d unlikely ask such a question in the first place.
Interestingly, even if they are inherently good people who luckily didn’t lose their soul battle and become pathologically narcissists, moderate to high tendencies wouldn’t leave enough room for humility.
As a natural result, the heart would be closed to receive the light, I suppose. Appealingly, I had an enchanting discussion some time ago with a wondrous woman we call Eileen Bild and she made me think!
Eventually, we came up with this lovable theory:
Some folks are called for other missions in their following soul journeys, while some others are still yet to awaken in their current physical existence and leave their principled legacy!
***Unbecome the filter: destroy the false persona, the limiting beliefs, the shields we built to protect our fragile ego from the suffering of never feeling good enough, the invasive program.
Beautiful expression of angst and arrival into a new space in the trance-end-dance, Myriam. I haven’t shared much about my history, though your bout with benality About 30 years before your upheaval, I went through a similar period. We had four young children 2 – 9 in age. I was an Elder in our Church, was in school two nights a week and worked 55-70 hours a week for an aerospace company, depending on month-end push for shipments. I was bereft of support and dealing with a pathological liar who had folks convinced of things that just weren’t true, including telling our Bishop that I was having an affair when it was her who’d had several and refused to accept counseling or to be with more wholesome folks instead of subjecting our children to her boyfriends. My friends all thought I was nuts to stick around, yet leaving wasn’t a choice. I’d made a commitment, even though I valued it more than my soon to be ex-wife. It was what I’d learned from my childhood and parents.
Our divorce was final on 11.22.88, a wonderful set of power numbers, eh? She moved back to Indiana a few months later and, in a state of depression and needing to speak to someone, I called our Bishop (not knowing what she had told him yet), who came for a visit and instead of listening with compassion, asked questions he knew would lead him to recommending my excommunication because he thought I lied to him about my fidelity prior to our divorce. I tell you, it was like nothing I did with the best of attention, intention and interaction made a difference in bettering our lives, and especially mine. Wow, what a test of faith. I didn’t succumb, though I did have thoughts of suicide for a short time.
What happened was I got really quiet inside, started discussion groups and returned to the efforts I’d begun after a NDE as a teen that was truly a rite of passage. Life was showing me I’d made some poor choices and, no matter, it held no judgment even though humans seemed to and I was free to begin again. That’s the thing about life. If you’ve gone down a poor path, you can always stop, go back, and begin again. It may be a bit painful in transition, though the benefits are life altering for the better. What I also noticed, over time, was the pattern of not feeling worthy that, perhaps, began with being orphaned as a baby and the emotional imprinting that occurred. Still, choices to arise from the ashes made the difference.
Although I had a lot of emotional cording for some years, I still managed to engage in transformational activity for me and others. It wasn’t just about me, after all. It was about being able to use my travesty and triumph to help others in their own quest for freedom and experience of loving and being loved. Today, that freedom and sharing brought a life of fulfillment that is still growing in maturity. Thank you so much for sharing your story of travesty and the transcendence from it, too.
My dear friend Zen! Your vulnerable and mesmerizingly beautiful story brought many warm and good tears, and I’m grateful for them! I am a firm believer it isn’t by chance that we found ourselves together in this wondrous community of like-minded and light-hearted folks! It seems to me that, throughout the history, people who left an impact on others’ life, no matter how big or small are those who had to go through some chaotic times to unleash the magical truth of being one with this highly interdependent Universe that the most troubled souls have been successful for so long in manipulating through the status quo and personal success narrative where the self-serving ends justify the means!
I’m eternally in love with Bizcatalyst among other servant leadership tribes and what Dennis and Ali created for the greater good because of the faith it gives me that I’m not alone in my “craziness” described by the distorted lenses of many of the still conditioned fellow humans even without spoken words!
It’s wonderful that you are embracing your new journey Myriam. I had some very supportive comments on your previous post, but I botched the delivery and they never made it over to post. I can only say that we all have different purposes and direction. Our destinies are shaped by our environments and desire to grow. What we are willing to tolerate will often serve us in our pursuit of happiness. However, that same compass in life can often be deceptive. You have survived a hardship, and thus you have ascended to a better state of existence. This is only because you did the hard work of accepting that divine transformation… For that reason alone, you now have a definitive sense of purpose. Go forth my friend, spread your positivity and raise awareness for those who are willing to accept it. The world is happy for you… 🙏
Oh boy, my dear friend Aaron!!! I’m so very grateful for your wise and empathetic feedback!!! I’ve been impressed by the mesmerizing combination you are thanks to the beautiful synergy between your intellectual and emotional brains that you brilliantly developed from the very beginning of our priceless discussions! What a gift you are to this world! 💙
And thanks a million for trying to leave an addition to the previous post!