I’m not saying I’m a prolific writer, but damn, during the pandemic of 2020, my writing prowess has completely gone to shit. If you are reading this sometime in 2120 (yes, the next century), I will gladly fill you in as to the goings-on in 2020. Keep in mind, this article in short, so I’m only going to hit on a few highlights of the times.
Before I dive in, I do want to give my heartfelt condolences to those who have passed from Covid-19 during this pandemic. Sadly, we have lost many people to this virus. I also want to thank all of our first responders, medical personnel, and essential workers for showing up for us during this scary time.
But true to my personality, I have to share the funny aspects of this pandemic. It is my nature to find humor in all situations and without it right now, you might be sending letters to me in an insane asylum.
Who would have thought we wouldn’t have enough toilet paper to wipe all of our asses? And yes, we’ve had a shortage. WHO are these people who buy pallets of toilet paper? Your grandkids are probably reading this article right now and opening the last of your coronavirus TP supply. Hope it still works.
A guy in Tennessee decided to buy up $17,700 in hand sanitizer in hopes of selling it at jacked-up prices to needy consumers during the coronavirus outbreak. Well, the jokes on him because he was banned from price gouging and selling it online. So guess what? He is now the proud owner of $17,700 in hand sanitizer. I heard recently that he donated it. Quite the tax write off for 2020 I guess. OR as you are reading this in 2120, you are probably still in the “stockpile” of his hand sanitizer.
Masks have become the new norm, and I’m not talking about Halloween masks, although that would be pretty funny. Who’s the guy showing up to work with a Batman mask? People can only see your eyes, so you can mouth sayings like, “you’re an asshole,” and no one is ever the wiser. As long as your eyes are smiling, you’re golden. Aside from being completely suffocating after long use, they do a great job of hiding the big zit you have at the side of your nose. Some people are going the extra mile with the mask-wearing. For instance, there is a man in my neighborhood who rides a bike with no helmet, but he’s wearing a mask! Must be he’s more afraid of getting coronavirus than a brain bleed.
Zoom meetings have become the norm as more and more people are working from home. Hats off to the young man taking a class at UNH who decided to come out of the shower in full frontal view to his classmates and professor. He then proceeded to walk over to his computer with his junk hanging about. Yeah, I think they are all scarred for life.
I was a guest on a podcast last year where the host told me he was calling 2020 “The Year of Perfect Vision.” Instead, I think it should be deemed “The Year of the Never-ending Shit Show” I’ll have to check back with him and see how his “vision” is going so far.
You can’t have more than 10 people in a gathering or be alone with your hairdresser to get your hair done, but you can have 100 people in a home improvement retailer. So look for families having barbecues in the garden section of Lowe’s or Home Depot. Be advised their hair will be long and uncolored. And yet, hundreds of people can gather in one place to protest racial inequality and police brutality. Riddle me that one…
If my mother were still alive, she would say, “Con, this world is going to hell in a handbasket.” Well, Mom, you are certainly right about that. And instead of flowers, your basket is filled with hand sanitizer, rubber gloves, a mask, and few pieces of toilet paper.
In more exciting news, the most “normal” thing that has come out of this time is pondering “who killed Carole Baskin’s husband?” Tune into Tiger King for some contemplation and 6 hours of your life you can’t get back.
Well, folks, that’s it in a nutshell, a few highlights from the 2020 pandemic. It’s a head-shaker for sure.