by Jane Anderson, Columnist & Featured Contributor
A workbook to attract “The One” and Much More In Your Life
[su_dropcap style=”flat”]I[/su_dropcap] DON’T THINK I’ve ever started a book review with the final chapter, but there’s a first time for everything. This book lives up to its title. It really is a workbook, for personal introspection and discovery. We’ve all heard the cliché “If it’s to be, it’s up to me” and that’s my impression of how this book has the potential to enrich your life. It isn’t the book itself but as the authors truthfully point out, this is your journey. “Own your journey; it’s yours to shape up. Remember that you now have opportunities to fill your world with love’s “by-products”: peace, joy, freedom, contribution, harmony, gratitude, faith, wisdom, fulfillment and so many more. “
That sounds like a pretty amazing life to me, so now let’s review …. How We Got Here
Mario and Diane didn’t meet in high school, fall in love and lived happily ever after. In fact they had both been through troubled marriages before they discovered that a soul mate relationship could exist and it could become love ever after. They, as with anyone, didn’t start their relationship without baggage. They were participants in all the various blends of emotional, spiritual, physical, financial, and relational characteristics, just like everyone else. Having been unsuccessful at first marriages, though, both Mario and Diane did a lot of work on themselves before entering into another union which would this time be for keeps. The ReLovenship™ that resulted is the fruit of all that hard work, and to this day they remark that they just get closer and better after more than 17 years of marriage, kids, homes, jobs, and now seminars.
The Inside Journey
As you might have guessed, from the sub-title, this is a workbook – implying what you learn while reading, you will apply in homework. You picked up this book because …. well, quite possibly because you feel like something is missing in your life. The absence of a relationship or the presence of a broken relationship. The authors are going to prepare the learning for you, but where the learning will make an impact is through the homework pathway. The assignments are introspective. If you do them they will be the catalyst for ReLovenship™. Let’s start with a definition: ReLovenship™
- The ability to re-love oneself first, before finding love again.
- To “intention” one’s way to love again through enhanced self-awareness.
- An introspection leading to a “no compromises, no settlements mindset” for a blissful companionship.
Rules of Dharma-yuddha
OK I read the table of contents and wondered, what is this Dharma-yuddha? Now we know. It’s two words in Hindu scripture meaning Righteous (right way of living) –Warrior (but making the war fair for all involved – no unfair advantages). The authors chose this term because in getting to know yourself could at times be reckoned to a war, not violent, but a war within yourself. Ready? Put on your courage and get started.
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Dharma-yuddha Rule #1: Seize the Power of Choice
Everything we do is a choice. The authors believe that “great fulfilling relationships are possible and available to anyone willing to make the choice.” Every choice we make has a consequence. Some choices are easy to make others require more energy. Our relationships are the product of our choices. There are good choices and bad choices, courageous choices and easy choices, and choices born out of powerful intention. Finding in yourself the resolve to form positive relationships is a choice that comes from powerful intention.
Dharma-yuddha Rule #2: Understanding ReLovenship™’s Full Meaning
At its most basic level ReLovenship™ means accepting yourself in whatever state you are now and with honesty address your own issues with forgiveness and love. Through this process you will come to understand your own behavior so you can make better choices. Think about how you would define a “no compromises, no settlements” mindset in a relationship. How would that look?
Dharma-yuddha Rule #3: Do Your Homework
Remember that relationship we defined in Rule # 2? To understand the world of ReLovenship™ we must realize that it comes from our inner self. This is why Rule #3 is “Do your homework”. Home is your inner self and the work is done from within.[/message]
Both Mario and Diane promote the significance of honoring our choices and put the responsibility for decisions and outcomes on you. This is where it begins. You’ll need a notebook to collect your thoughts so you can refer back to them in the future as you get to know yourself and do the work toward your next solid relationship aka ReLovenship™
Self-worth multiplies Love-Worth
Who are you? What are your stories? Appreciating your self-worth involves getting to know who you are aside from what you do for a living or where you were born. Here are four words to help you understand who you are at your core. Beliefs, gratitudes, values and priorities. These form the basis for you are and how you perceive your self-worth.
This chapter is the underpinning of getting to know yourself intimately and wholly. Don’t skip over it!
Taking Stock of Your Love-Worth
Let’s capsulize this chapter into this uncompromised truth. “Increasing your self-worth has an exponential effect on your love-worth.” Take all of your Gratitudes, Beliefs, Values, and Priorities bundle them all together and what you have is the essence of your self-worth. If you feel powerless it’s probably because your gratitudes, beliefs, values, priorities are insincere, false, or out of balance. There are a lot of assumptions today about authenticity. This chapter encourages you to come to know yourself through a series of exercises that will reveal things you know about yourself that make you feel weaker or stronger, empowered or exhausted. Writing your discoveries turns your notebook into a playbook for increasing your self-worth and becoming your authentic self. “Intentioning our love-worth unleashes our ability to be loved.”
Four Liberating Secrets
You might be wondering what the authors mean by ‘Liberating Secrets’, I know I did. Let it be a secret no more. Liberating secrets are those things that suddenly make sense, you understand, or have finally mastered. Like the moment you learned how to ride a 2-wheel bicycle without training wheels. The authors have given us the definitions and in this next chapter give us insight into the liberating secrets of ReLovenship™. If you’ve done your homework, you will have a stronger sense of who you are and a grip on your self-worth.
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Liberating Secret #1: Forgiveness is your free pass to love
Way back in the beginning of the book, we learned that we must forgive ourselves. Whatever is in the past, we can’t fix, but we can forgive. Now we must also forgive others. If you have unforgiven wounds, now is the time to close that loop so you can move on. Love brings peace. You can’t love from an unforgiving heart.
Liberating Secret #2: It’s not about Tim, Deb, or Harry….It’s about you
This question hinges on the truthful answer to the question “Who am I?” in chapter 3. If your answer is accurate in that context, you will be able to complete the exercise here that delves into how your “Who am I?” had a positive and a negative impact on past relationships.
Liberating Secret #3: Your inner circle knows it all anyway
Remember the cliché “A friend is someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway”? That’s how it is when you’re working hard to know yourself so your next shot at love will turn out to be true love. Seek out those whom you can be truthful and transparent with because you will be asking for their honest feedback. Be courageous. This one is not for the faint of heart.
Liberating Secret #4: The Presidential Veto
Remember that feedback from others is encumbered by that individuals own beliefs, gratitudes, values, and priorities. They have their own background and agenda. You will need to evaluate and decide what to accept and what to reject. You call the shots and exercise your choice.[/message]
The key here is to apply these four liberating secrets in the right places at the right times and for the right reasons. You can do this because by now you have learned the principles of ReLovenship™.
Generating the “well-thought….thoughts”
Is it accurate to say, “You are what you think”? Well yes, and no. There is the conscious mind and the unconscious mind. We need more than just “positive thinking” to affect our lives. As the authors point out, to bring out our best self, we have to go within, examine our behavior, challenge our thoughts and generate well-thought….thoughts.
Our brains are magnificent organs, amazingly complex, controlling bodily functions from thought to movement. Pay attention in the next chapters because on this part of the journey is where attracting “the One” takes place.
Attracting the One Using “The Well-Thought….Thoughts”
This quote is the basis for this exercise. “The life I have is the life I have chosen to think. Now I rethink the life I intend to live today and tomorrow.” Let that sink in as you consider this 5-step process to bringing your best self to the life you want to have. Generating “well thought….thoughts” happens through this process. 1. Clarifying; 2. Intentioning; 3. Believing; 4. Thanking; 5. Attracting
Making assumptions about what comprises each of these 5 steps will be a fast track to a dead end. That’s not what you signed up for when you bought this book. Carefully and thoughtfully use the guidance from this book, the ReLovenship™ process and don’t skip around or minimize the importance of sequentially (to the degree possible) and methodically working through each of the 5 steps. 1. Clarifying; 2. Intentioning; 3. Believing; 4. Thanking; 5. Attracting
Qualifying The One as an “Undercover CEO/CHO”
CEO/CHO are terms most of us can identify with. These are titles of authority of the person in charge, the one who sets expectations, communicates in succinct, straightforward language. Well, OK. All CEO/CHOs may not project this demeanor at all, but in this book, they play the part of director and decision maker.
You will be impressed by the candidacy process chronicled in this chapter. It’s all about knowing what you want, choosing carefully, and trusting your gut. It’s also about knowing what your non-negotiables are.
In this chapter is the unmistakable awareness that all the homework you’ve done to prepare has brought you to this pivotal point. The value placed on your diligence is priceless.
Avoiding the Last Pitfalls
Through this entire book we have known the irreplaceable activities in methodically and completely going through the process of ReLovenship™. The central reason for taking on this challenge is to find true love that lasts. We learned we have to step back, examine, and evaluate, to prevent us from repeating the same destructive pattern. Have you done that so you’re ready to move forward?
If you’re jumping ahead into a new relationship without doing stepping back, these could be reasons why. *Fear of being alone *Opposites attract *Physical attraction *Poor or No due diligence *Lack of leadership
If you are fortunate enough to make the voyage with the one you intend to attract for the ride, I may not last 60+years, but it could be everlasting.”
Diane and Mario Cloutier sign their book, “ReLovenshiply” yours.