Relaxing Our Resistance

Why is it that we resist so many of our experiences? Have you ever heard the phrase ‘what you resist persists’? Resistance meaning that we want our experience to be other than it is and feel powerless to change it. The red light, the extra weight, the failing child, the heartbreak, the complaining boss. We want these things to be different than they are, yet this resistance stops our natural energy flow and keeps us from using our whole brain to address what is before us. It’s like hitting the breaks on the experience we are in the middle of having because we think it’s bad or wrong. When we want our experience to be other than it is (resistance), we contract around our energy which narrows the flow around our inner conflict. It takes a lot of energy to keep the unwanted experience away and can be very draining to our energy. What can we do to stop using our precious energy this way?

Noticing our resistance is key. Unless we are aware of the contracting energy, it’s hard to do anything about it. It’s helpful to become familiar with the emotions/feelings that go with this contracted energy. For me, it is often tightness in my solar plexus. When I ignore it, I end up with digestive issues that force me to attend to the messages my body is trying to give me.

Once we notice what is happening, we can exercise a new choice by taking a deep breath and stepping back inside. From there, we can ask our inner child the question: “Just for now, what would it take to allow things to be as they are?” Our inner child may need to know we have its back, or that if anyone tries to humiliate them, we will step in as the inner parent. I am finding that the more I ask inside what my inner child is feeling or fearing when I feel strong emotions, the easier it is for me to turn it away from my ego’s limiting stories which generate the negative feelings in the first place.

Allowing the feelings to be here is NOT admitting failure or agreeing with what is happening. It is simply a recognition of your own experience and your natural response, given the story/meaning you have about what you are experiencing.

Resistance is often unconscious and habitual, keeping us from seeing the whole picture. If we don’t allow ourselves to recognize our own response to the situation, it will color our view of it in the future, and keep us from seeing other perspectives.

When we recognize our resistance and step back to identify the story driving it, we intervene on our own behalf. With ownership of our individual experience integrated, we can now see the whole situation with a fresh perspective and clear sight.

When we ‘allow’ our experience to be here, we can move through our experiences with ease and grace. When we remember that we are the ones who can best take care of what we most need in every situation and experience, we loosen our grip on wanting things to be different and begin to relax into our present-time experience around what is happening. By allowing yourself to experience your natural response to what is happening, you can begin to get curious about how you can best take care of yourself in that situation, regardless of what others are doing or saying.

What can you do to relax your resistance today?


Wendy Watson-Hallowell | The Belief Coach
Wendy Watson-Hallowell | The Belief Coach
WENDY is passionate about enabling individuals, organizations and communities to value themselves and each other in the ongoing process of change. Wendy has guided hundreds of individuals and over 750+ public and private sector organizations to achieve tangible increases in impact and performance. Her successful practice in mentoring and coaching has led to authorship of the book, ‘Live a Life You Love and Make a Living Doing It’. Over the last 30 years, Wendy’s skills have been honed in leadership roles at MTV Networks, The Rensselaerville Institute, and a variety of community based projects in her town. In 2015 she launched BeliefWorks and offers Belief Coaching as a way to address the root cause of what limits the results we can achieve both personally and professionally. This is an 'upstream' solution to change. Instead of changing limiting behavior, she focuses on changing the limiting beliefs that drive that behavior. In all cases, her clients and partners speak to the specific increases in achievement that her consulting, coaching and partnership roles make possible.

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