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Regrets

I am often loaded with ideas and thoughts to write about.  I write everything from Reality to Wishful Thinking, Dreams, Spirituality, Theology, and sometimes what it tugs at my heart and brings tears to my eyes.  Most recently I read a piece written by Patti Davis, the daughter of Ronald and Nancy Reagan.  I did not realize that she, (Patti) had been estranged from both parents for quite some time.

Reasons range anywhere from abuse by Nancy, to total rejection from her father, Ronald, protesting against his political policies, not a conservative, the list goes on.  Patti has written a book I have yet to purchase and read, but I will do so.  After listening to her interview with Katie Couric, not long ago, it’s a book I feel I need to read, “The Lives Our Mothers Leave Us” by Patti Davis. Her story touches me personally because before Ronald Reagan passed, he wrote a letter to his daughter, which was penned “in hopes of reconciliation” with his daughter. That brought tears to my eyes. Being a mother means different reasons to each of us.  I know that some who are given the gift of motherhood have no concept of motherhood.

Recently there was a story on the news where a little baby was buried alive but found alive before nearly being accidentally stepped on by the First Responder who was helping in the search for this baby.  He looked down and saw the baby before doing so.  I want to believe it was the guardian angel of that baby who intervened.

In Patti Davis interview she regrets the time lost with her parents but said she was grateful that she had made peace shortly before her father, Ronald Reagan passed and that she was able to spend time with her mother Nancy before her passing. In her recent book “The Lives Our Mother’s Leave Us” it made me think of how with the many mother’s and daughter’s who are estranged, that if only the mother’ legacy could have some hint of why mothers are the way they are.

My own mother was a severe alcoholic who died from alcoholism at the age of 42. I was 13.  Although I have memories of beatings, nights without much sleep, being my younger brothers caregiver, at the tender age of 6, and recalling one night, (a knife nearly missing me had it not been for the iron board I sought shelter under), I would not be here today.  Again, the guardian angel present I believe.  I never hated my mother.  Instead, I believe that God gave me the grace at a very young age to realize my mother was sick.  Now at the age of 68, I often think of what it would be like if my mother were here, to tell her that I love her. I know I would take care of her and my dad too, as he passed when I was barely 23, a controlled alcoholic who died of lung cancer at 59.

Today I know I would put aside the unpleasant memories for reason’s some may not agree with.

  1. They are the parents God gave me.
  2. God asks us to honor our Father and Mother. 4th
  3. I love God so much; it is Him I do not want to disobey.
  4. God gave the greatest Commandment, “Love One Another as I Have Loved You.

One thing that struck me in my own personal situation with my own children now adults, are what Patti Davis said:

Ghosts rise up from the earth when you’re alone. Stories and memories rearrange themselves and fall into the shape of truth. Some of us need that; others will do anything to avoid it.”

She said she realized where her mother had come from as a child, a childhood to survive.

In his penned letter to Patti, Ronald wrote: “Your mother and I are hard put to understand the separation between us, “What did we do wrong?  How many have asked the same question not having a clue to the answer?  To mothers estranged from their daughters to daughters estranged from their mothers, search your hearts so that regret or wrongs will be reconciled in time and God will smile from above and the decision to forgive is yours.

Lynn Forrester-Pitocco
Lynn Forrester-Pitocco
LYNN is Retired from Law Enforcement as a Police Officer, with a background in nursing and previously a member of the Search and Rescue Team with the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department, A retired member of the Orange Police Department, she became the first female SWAT member on an elite team while becoming a member of the Olympic Shooting Team during the early years on the department. A mother and a grandmother, a devout Catholic who currently resides in Houston, Texas. Her hobbies include writing, painting, and a contemplative prayer life. She is in love with her faith, but the love she carries for her two grown children and grandchildren who rest in her heart surpasses everything except her faith in God. Since retirement, Lynn has done private investigation, worked as a gang counselor with middle schools, A member of Bl. Mother Teresa’s Order called the (Lay Missionaries of Charity), she is also a pro-life advocate, often called upon to give testimony and speak to youth groups, as well as adult forums. She has published a children’s book entitled “The Children’s Garden” and is currently working on two additional children’s books. She is currently working on the major one focused on her experience in Law Enforcement entitled “Heels and a Badge”. (copyright). Her paintings and sketches, writings, can be viewed on her Pinterest boards (click on the Pinterest ICON below). Her dream is to one-day write a movie for Hallmark. Dreams do come true … See Lynn’s entire collection of thought-provoking Articles by clicking on her byline. Lynn is a contributing author to the inspiring book Chaos to Clarity: Sacred Stories of Transformational Change.

5 COMMENTS

  1. Lynn, first – your profile picture is pure joy.

    I don’t know what I would do if my children were estranged from me. I would be crushed. I know my heart would be broken and I know I would be persistent in my attempts to figure out what I did wrong. To be sure we are not perfect, none of us. Forgiveness should be tattooed on our hearts. I have tried to live these past many years with the attitude of gratitude. Being grateful keeps me humble. I also have adopted the motto: How do I want to remember this moment. There are no do overs. We don’t get a second chance at rewinding an argument or reliving an event. When I look back I want to remember that we got along well, we talked things out, we laughed together.

    Beautiful article. Thank you for once again sharing your heart.

  2. Regret is the cancer of life if we put aside our selfish pride and make amends with our loved ones by never leaving any thing unsaid – I am sorry; I love you; I inderstand; please forgive me; I was wrong – whatever it takes do it now! Your next breath will some day be your last.

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