Whether you own a business or run one for a bigger company, your role as manager/leader is in the spotlight. When people start searching for leadership development tools or management training, you often run into a large segment of the market focused on Personality.
The logic says ‘if I understand my personality, and the personalities of those around me, I can be a better leader. Why? Because I can learn to meet them where they are, etc.’
Logic like that is like a 3-year strategic plan. It looks great on paper, it’s a cool workshop to sit in, but what do you really do with the information? Too often it gets implemented poorly and soon forgotten. (I happen to hold a strong bias on the use of common personality tools. Email me and I’ll share that discussion.)
For now, I want to challenge you to think about something else.
What’s at the Core
Throughout my coaching career, I have often found executives and business owners who struggle with their personalities defining the person they think they need to be. Or vice versa. The person they believe they are does not show up when the work gets going. Instead, some different personality appears.
My challenge to you is to consider separating your thinking about the person you want to be from the personality that actually shows up.
Getting a solid grip on the person you want to be has nothing to do with title, role, and financial status. But it has everything to do with the kind of friend, neighbor, and fellow human being you believe you are. It’s about core values, principles, and beliefs. Most leaders, when asked, have a good list defining those things in their personhood.
And, ok, I’m going to say it….
There are some solid jerks in the world (keeping it PG-13). For me, the good news is, I just don’t get many of those folks reading my articles or asking me for coaching. And I’ll never take one as a client. Instead, I talk with people who are already successful at some level and they want to do more, be more.
The Derailers
First, let’s talk about some common contributors to why personality may interrupt personhood. In the Hogan world, we call these ‘derailers.’
One issue that appears most often is the idea that a strength used in excess becomes a derailer. For example, if you are naturally empathetic, you might not drive your team hard enough. Your personality shows up ‘friendly’ and well-intended, but when the going gets tough, people want direction and drive from their boss.
Next, you might be covering something. I don’t mean in a criminal way, but rather in a defensive way. If you are uncertain about a subject, your personality may be too comical, trying to laugh off the tension in the moment. This usually shows up as the boss who cracks jokes at inappropriate times, taking serious discussions off track.
Also, people with highly focused technical ability may come across as too robotic, not enough ‘people’ skill when interacting. Their personality is plastic. Yet when you peel the onion, you find a wonderfully motivated mind wanting to do great things.
The Options
While doing a ‘post-game interview’ wondering what went wrong with a particular situation, you likely may be thinking “I know what I wanted to say or do, but somehow it never came out that way.” If that is you, then you, my friend, may be suffering from the conflict between person and personality.
First, doing the post-mortem on a meeting or a one-on-one interview can help tremendously to isolate the areas where you are disconnecting person and personality. Do your own analysis.
If it is possible, ask for feedback. Ask for specifics like “When I said ‘X’, how did that strike you?” When you think your personality usurped your personhood, then you have an opportunity to fix it.
When feedback highlights specific gaps, check first to see if the gap is properly covered by those core beliefs and key principles you claim. Not the other way around. Then search for reasons your personality may have thrown up a different solution in the moment. Here are some of those situations.
- You cracked a joke when you should be serious.
- You got technical when empathy would have been better.
- You quoted company policy when a warmer more collaborative idea could have been put to play.
- You genuinely love your team, but you go to performance issues too often when talking to them.
Ask a mentor or a coach to help you make the distinction between the person you believe you are and the personality that often shows up instead.
Don’t lose the person in personality.
The topic is interesting and the situations can be many.
I fully understand that there is a tendency to dress up in the role or position and end up living in a kind of dualism.
My opinion is that a true leader should remain an “authentic” person.
In other words, self-actualized individuals who are aware of their strengths, their limitations, and their emotions. They also show their real selves to their followers. They do not act one way in private and another in public; they don’t hide their mistakes or weaknesses out of fear of looking weak. They also realize that being self-actualized is an endless journey, never complete.