Random Thoughts of Love, from Me to You

The most transformational thing you can do in this world right now is to give and accept love. The bravest thing you can do in this world right now is to ask for and give help. The most profound thing you can do in this world right now is to seek and tell the truth.

And to that end, I try (ok, I’m human, I do miss some days…) to keep a daily diary. It’s therapeutic for me, it helps me understand a little more of myself each day and it keeps track of my perspectives, moods, and capacity to cope, with our ever-changing world.

I purposely choose to limit the word count – to force myself to cut through the bullsh•t and only write down what is really of importance to me in that moment. Getting through the complex to the simple is perhaps the most difficult but by far the most profound thing any of us can achieve and it’s one of my constant guiding principles.

So, this is an excerpt (19th Oct 2019 – 2nd Jan 2020), of the diary of a woman who can and will. This is my view of life as I see it – in the moment, raw and unfiltered.

But most importantly of all, it is an intimate diary shared with love and a genuine hope, that my words will inspire someone somewhere, to love themselves and others just a little more, to believe they can be the change we all so desperately need and to take a step each and every day, towards being who they are meant to be.

____________________

THURSDAY 2ND JANUARY 2020

What happens if someone does not like me? Nothing. You are still who you were beforehand. You just need to be a little more discerning about who you give your time and energy to. Never allow someone else to define you.

FRIDAY 20TH DECEMBER 2019

I would challenge our perspective on mental health. I think we are having a mass awakening to the needs of the human spirit, that has been ignored and abused for too long. Our minds are trying to tell us all, that the way we live is not sustainable. Our foundations are built on fear when they so need to build on love.

MONDAY 16TH DECEMBER 2019

Sometimes you get feedback that really gets under your skin. We are taught that this is because it must be true, we are resisting it because our ego is rearing up, to protect us. Well, I think it can also be because it is not true, it is trying to change the very heart of us and in these circumstances, it simply re-enforces my determination, to be exactly who I am meant to be.

SATURDAY 14TH DECEMBER

I cried when I told my children the results of the election yesterday. I cried because I cannot bear to see homeless people around every corner because we are continuing to sh*t on our planet, because the angels that run our NHS deserve better and because we are failing our most vulnerable. FFS we have to do better.

FRIDAY 13TH DECEMBER 2019

God, I’m lost, I really have no idea what the f•ck I am meant to be doing with my life. So, I’m simply putting one foot in front of the other and seeing where it takes me.

THURSDAY 12TH DECEMBER 2019

I’m scared of the ‘nothingness’, of squandering my time here, of missing my lessons, , my experiences, my purpose. It’s the fear of being someone who could off but didn’t, that drives me to keep looking, to stay curious, to push my vulnerability as far as it will go – to move beyond the fear. Because I’m determined that simply staying scared, will not be my answer.

WEDNESDAY 11TH DECEMBER 2019

It doesn’t matter how much time or money you invest in yourself, if you are living a life based on fear, you will never be who you are meant to be. Fear constrains you and pollutes your soul. If you really want to make the most of life, you have to move beyond fear to love and it really is as simple as that.

MONDAY 2ND DECEMBER 2019

The day you stop giving a sh•t about yourself, about life and about others, is the day you are f•cked. Just like we need air to breathe, we need hope to feel, to want to live, to be able to function, in any meaningful kind of way. It’s our guiding light, without it we are screwed. So, whatever happens, do not lose hope and do not stop giving a sh•t – if you cannot do it for yourself, do it for someone or something else. Just do whatever it is, you need to do, to hang onto hope. 

SUNDAY 1ST DECEMBER 2019

I believe that life is about out getting to know yourself and then doing something meaningful with it. Getting to know yourself isn’t simply about reading a self-help book, it’s about facing the hard stuff – your truth, your secrets, your regrets, your thoughts, your fears, and your wounds. It’s not an easy journey, but a very necessary one, if you are serious about being you.

FRIDAY 29TH NOVEMBER 2019

I get really sick and tired of people telling me I am too sensitive, or that I take things too personally. Well, unless I’ve had a lobotomy, it’s always going to bother me, if you’re being an insensitive tw•t. It might be worthwhile checking your lack of sensitivity, before accusing someone else of, having too much of it.

WEDNESDAY 27TH NOVEMBER 2019

I’ve just realised what my daily posts are really about. They are love letters to you, to be you. They are a daily reminder to embrace who we are, warts and all, to always choose love over fear, to face our truth and to see beyond the bullsh•t, to make our own reality. No one gives a sh•t about judgement, status or fitting in on their death bed, so don’t waste your time on it now.

TUESDAY 26TH NOVEMBER

Trying to avoid loss, hurt, rejection and failure is 1) a complete waste of time and 2) seriously harmful to our sanity, health, and happiness. Without facing our uncomfortable truths, we cannot possibly hope to understand ourselves. We just keep wandering aimlessly through life, never satisfied, always searching for our ‘thing’ and then end up completely p•ssed off, when our times up and we wonder what the f•ck we have achieved with our life.

SATURDAY 23RD NOVEMBER

You don’t have to defend your truth, it just is. It’s not subjective, open to interpretation or manipulation. It cannot be owned or taken by anyone else. The only person who can screw it over is you, so don’t. Be brave, shake your world until only the truth remains and then make sure you do something worthwhile with it.

THURSDAY 21ST NOVEMBER 2019

I hate the fact that people think they can sit in their ivory towers and dish out feedback, with no thought or care, of the impact it has on people. Well, you can’t – it’s not fair, it’s not valid and it’s not going to be tolerated anymore – certainly not by me, nor I hope, by you either. If you want me to give a sh•t about what you say, then get your arse in the arena with me and have a god damn conversation.

WEDNESDAY 20TH NOVEMBER 2019

I often wonder, whether choosing to share myself so publicly, has screwed my professional reputation. But then I remember when I had a ‘professional reputation’ and how much I had to screw myself and others to keep it. And that reminds me why I decided to ‘show up and own up’, as me instead, warts and all. And then it all feels ok again.

TUESDAY 19TH NOVEMBER 2019

When did society become so small-minded, intolerant and judgemental about the youth of today? Have we really forgotten the energy, creativity, and rebellion we all went through? Such negativity with so little focus on solutions – channel their rebellion, feed their curiosity and create safe boundaries. And please just stop being such judgemental arseholes.

19TH OCTOBER 2019

Grief is sh•t, there’s no point pretending otherwise. It will be the hardest thing you ever have to learn to live with. But the irony is until you experience it, you have not fully lived.

____________________

A bit about me: I aspire to inspire people to be themselves, to embrace all of themselves, warts and all. To re-define our reality, to be more honest and sustainable. To re-define success, to be more diverse and focus on the stuff that really matters, not the shiny sh•t, that you cannot take with you anyway.

No-one will remember what car you drove, but my goodness, they will remember if you made them smile, feel good about themselves and accepted them for who they are. It is the gifts of kindness and understanding that will last beyond your lifetime, not the gifts of gold.

I’m a mum, writer, transformation consultant and all-round eccentric, doing my own thing, in my own way, in the hope I can make others smile and love themselves a little bit more.

My blog, library of curiosity, daily inspiration and lots of other things, can be found on my website www.nikdavis.com. My alternative and eclectic approach to fashion and design can be found at www.lillyisabella.co.uk.

I love people, I love life and I love to talk, so please feel free to reach out and let’s have a conversation.

With love

Nik x

Nik Davis
Nik Davishttps://nikdavis.com/
NIK DAVIS is a business transformation expert and has spent 20 years in the corporate world. Her comfort zone is order, logic and applying analytical tools to solve complex problems. She is also a keen observer of life, a writer and eccentric. Nik has recently returned to the world of work after taking a career break to spend time with her family. Upon her return, she found that her perspective had changed, as had the world she was returning to. Nik decided to carve out a new place in that world and mould some of it to fit her too. Nik sees life from quirky angles, shaped by experiences and the vast amount of knowledge we now have access to. She likes to write about her experiences and observations. To ‘tell it how it is’ and to find a more authentic way to live, whether in our professional or personal lives. Nik often talks about finding ‘The Third Way’. It’s a philosophy about life, having a personal life as well as a career, making money and being socially generous, being logical and sensitive, living by the rules of a society but not being afraid to challenge them, inspiring others to feel good but not for your own ego, giving rather than taking. Nik wants to make a difference to this world by getting people to see things differently, to try new ways of working but most of all, to re-discover our true selves and therefore reach our true potential. Nik also has two other persona’s: nikdavis which is where Nik writes about her deeply personal experiences of life. Nik runs a facebook group alongside this website to create a safe place for people to discuss the topics that are raised in her blog. Nik’s second persona is Lilly Isabella and this is where she shares her passion of fashion and design.
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Lynn Forrester-Pitocco

You had me in the first two sentences! Well done!

Maria Lehtman
Maria Lehtman

Wonderfully brave of you to share this, Nik! It reminds us how we all have to go about our routines of grounding ourselves to a new day. Nothing is self-evident.

Joel Elveson

Nik, this article is a pure gem! There were parts (I won’t say which parts to preserve my privacy) of your article that registered a bullseye with me. The feeling I get from you, in general, is that you understand things that others do not. It is always refreshing to read your articles because as my late mother-in-law (of blessed memory) used to say “you tell it like it is. you don’t bullsh– anybody.” Thank you, Nik for your special insights.

Melissa Hughes, Ph.D.

Wow… this is so brave, Nik! And authentic, and raw, and common and unique, too. I, too, journal but I love how you limit the word count to cut through all the clutter. There are so many times that I feel the same kinds of emotions and chastise myself for not being (fill in the blank) “enough.” I am a work in progress…. learning to not just accept – but embrace – the unique tapestry of strengths and weaknesses, merits and faults, victories and failures that make me uniquely me. Thank you for the reminder!

Sherry McGuinn

How beautiful. How inspiring. Thank you for this, Nik. I was with you the whole ride.

Laura Staley

What brilliance in every one of your entries, Nik! My heart and mind resonated with almost everyone of them-especially the not living with fear ones, the living with grief-which I call grieflove because the depth of grief often reflects the deep capacity we have to love. If we didn’t love, we wouldn’t grieve. Cultivating the wisdom of the heart/soul would set the world of “mental health” on its head. In my humble opinion, most thoughts in our heads are irrational “limiting beliefs” and have no relationship to reality. Quieting the mind through meditation or choosing a news fast, a tech fast can become quite a transformation.

May many people read these wise words. And your variation on that hundred years idea made me remember this quote that I loved seeing on the wall of my children’s pre-school: “A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove… but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.”-Forest E. Witcraft, Teacher, Scholar

I felt an experience of connection with you in your honesty, vulnerability, and wisdom. Thank you so much for this love letter to all of us!!

Maureen Nowicki
Maureen Nowicki

Warts and all! Talk about the power of living and feeling in the moment and cutting through things with a cleaver, Nik. Very nice. I enjoyed your entries you shared.

Laura Mikolaitis

Nik, thank you for sharing this! It’s refreshing when we strip away the layers and let our naked selves be. Many of your entries resonate, but your entry from October 19th about grief hits home, and I agree with your thoughts about it. I lost my mom just shy of six years ago (the 20th will be six years), and I’m still learning so much about grief. But with her passing, I discovered my love for writing.

I hadn’t thought of it until this very minute, but perhaps that was her parting gift to me. I think she knew it was inside me, but she never pushed – only gently nudged. Still, I never embraced it. Until the hole in my heart was so big and the pain like nothing I’d ever felt before set me on a course that I’ll always be thankful for finding.

I love the idea of daily diary entries such as you’ve shared here, and may have to dive a little deeper into this. Thanks for sharing your warts and all!

Joel Elveson

Nik, I can sum up my opinion of your article in just one word: GREAT!

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