I enjoy meeting strangers. When I stay open-minded and listen, I often learn fascinating things. The more different from me- an elderly, white, straight, middle-class English man they are, the more illuminating it is!
When I was employed, I often travelled by train. It proved much more fun to travel Second Class than First. I met more interesting people. I met the Minister of Local Government of Liberia, a teenage ballet dancer about to dance the Diamond Fairy in The Nutcracker by Tchaikowsky and a man who had been an expert judger of bantam hens! The bantam judge had lived in the same lodgings for thirty years, but his landlady had died, so he was moving to live with his sister. He showed me his cuttings about bantams with great delight.
I met a woman who talked to plants and an active IRA supporter on the London Underground (Subway)!
Why am I sharing these stories?
The power structures that hold our current oppressive economic system in place only work because we are divided from each other. No one planned the stereotyping and division. I don’t believe there is a sinister cabal pulling the strings. The system evolved blindly. It doesn’t work even for the ultra-rich. Most live in beautiful prisons that they build for themselves.
Listening to people who are different from us is a radical and revolutionary act. Once you have listened well to someone from a different sex, sexual orientation, group, class, ethnicity, country, or occupation, you will never agree that “All X-ers are “something negative”. You realise that we are one family with remarkable talents and universal needs for health, security, fulfilling work, happiness, clean water, nutritious food, a caring community and somewhere to live.
Listening builds bridges and unity, combats loneliness, and helps people think better. We need much more of it everywhere.
What are Random Acts of Listening?
I went on the ULab course “Leading from the Emerging Future“. We thought about the benign future that might be waiting to emerge and what to do to bring it about. I decided to do some “Random Acts of Listening” to build understanding and appreciate the richness of a community.
So, eight friends and colleagues near Saint Albans Abbey set out to do some random acts of listening. We would each go out for an hour and engage perfect strangers in conversation to try and understand their worlds from their point of view. This activity was fascinating.
It was interesting to see who you approached and who you avoided. If you’re an old man like me, do you avoid talking to young women? Do you have a prejudice against people with tattoos or nose rings? So, who do you approach, and who do you avoid?
And then it was interesting how much people just valued being listened to. We didn’t say this was a social experiment. We had to link entirely naturally. Suppose somebody’s walking a dog. You say, “What’s a lively dog!”. And then you’d initiate a conversation.
During the morning, I met a guy from Israel who was an expert in psychoacoustics. He talked about the difference between bringing a child up in the UK and a child in Israel. On another occasion, I met a young couple from Portugal with a seven-day-old baby, and the father shared how much he’d been looking forward to being a father. While waiting for a train, I met somebody who was an expert in Vedic astrology. He lives 200 metres from me, and we had a lovely conversation.
Random Acts of Listening are so interesting! The scales fall from your eyes. Every time you listen, you see the depth of people’s resources, interests, and beauty. It is glorious to give them space to be themselves.
What did the listeners learn?
Here are comments from the people who did the listening in St Albans and from another session in Oxford.
After I left you, I found myself more open to other strangers. The opening effect was quite something.
Thanks for the experience. I wanted to engage with people after it had finished. And felt light and bright and open the rest of the day. It was fab!
I loved it today. Both meeting everyone and the experience itself. It’s definitely got legs.
I enjoyed the experience even if it did evoke some social anxiety in me.
It was lovely meeting you all. The debriefing was particularly helpful.
I like the concept of ‘practising’ outward-looking attitudes to the world around us.
“Why don’t we put down our smartphones and learn something about other people by listening to them”? Use the social media revolution as a springboard back into ancient connection with others.
Could this also work inside businesses (particularly in large ones) to create community, break down silos and build teams?
Having had first-hand experience with Nick with this, I found it wonderful. Amazing what fruits come out of paying attention to strangers. I love engaging with people, but the dedicated space made me focus on the listening aspect, which was quite special.
What amazing stories our group unearthed. From the man who was grieving for a loved one to the old man wearing the same suit he had purchased in Oxfam years before as a student to the alcoholic whose life had fallen apart unexpectedly.
It’s genuinely liberating to stop and watch the world go by. Normally, when I’m in a City, I’m rushing about with a purpose, trying to get to where I need to get to with minimal interference, often absorbed in a Smartphone. However, if you stop and look at the people, there’s a brave new world out there of amazing and fascinating people who maybe, just maybe, want to tell their story …
Who will you listen to today?
