I try to explain in every single way I know how, that we all need purpose to have a better quality of life. Even if we are not aware of it. It is an intrinsic yearning in us all. If we find purpose at work (work in the general sense as I explain below), there are even more rewards for us. As Koestenbaum says in his book Leadership: The Inner Side of Greatness:
Work for the average person is external to life and is therefore experienced as a constraint on life itself. Time pressure is actually the pressure of existential guilt: people feel stress because they are not living up to their meanings.
Every time I read it, it strikes a chord in me! What an important insight.
I find that to be very true. People around me who have a purpose in life are not as stressed out. Even if they dedicated their lives to some dream that may not even get completed in their lifetime, they do it with love and passion. This is the lifeblood of their soul.
I usually work with professionals who want to have meaning (Purpose) at work but it is never about only about “career” actually. You could be someone who does not need to work and want to volunteer; a stay-at-home mom; a retired grandma; someone at midlife asking important questions to yourself; somebody that just graduated from college; or someone about to start your business; we all want to have a reason to get up the next day.
I felt this yearning for purpose all my adult life.
As I studied human behavior, took psychology classes, and read science, I realized how much this also relates to happiness and fulfillment. Thanks to new science fields as neuroscience, positive psychology, we know happiness is not sustainable if it is dependent on external factors. We achieve one goal and before we even have time to celebrate it, we move on to the other and it is like a never-ending chasing game. We never “arrive”. It makes us discontent.
The only way to fulfillment, which is the sustainable version of happiness, comes from finding meaning in our lives; having a Purpose.
Our Purpose does not need to make the headlines. You do not need to change the world. It could be giving a helping end to your grandchild for your daughter. It could be volunteering at a food bank for an hour a week because you care about the hungry. You could be a janitor at school trying to make the school as clean as possible for the students. It could be starting a business to serve a certain population. It could be anything that makes it worthwhile to live that excites you and is bigger than you. Purpose also releases oxytocin which increases our trust and belonging in this world.
What is the alternative?
Think about this for a second: 99% of people who are not fulfilled at work are not fulfilled in life. (Imperative Purpose Index 2019) Work, however you name it, is that important. Fulfillment at work comes from finding meaning in what you do.
Again thanks to science, we also know we have negativity bias. If we heard 10 good comments and one bad one, we will focus more on that single negative. With no fault of our own. That is our human nature.
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi also tells us another wiring of our brain in his book Flow:
Unless a person know how to give order to his/her thoughts, attention will be attracted to whatever is most problematic at the moment; it will focus on some real or imaginary pain, on recent grudges or long-term frustrations. Entropy is the normal state of consciousness- a condition that is neither useful nor enjoyable.
So true! Look around you. Look at people who do not work (no job/no hobby etc.), who do not seem to have any purpose, who are retired and do nothing, who never looked inside to figure out what makes them happy and in the flow. Aren’t they also the ones who do not look so happy? Those who complain more? They seem to have too much time in their hands to focus on the negative. It is not to judge them but it is an awareness; it is our normal wiring. If we are left with nothing, we fill it up with negativity.
To silence their minds, they will reach out to TV, news, games, or even addictive behavior to numb themselves. It is not easy to be alone with your inner chatter if you do not learn how to control it.
Those who are happy on the other hand are the ones who learned more about what makes them excited, what keeps them in the flow, find meaning in their lives. They are the ones who have done their inner work, learned how to control their thoughts. It is not their external circumstances that makes them happy.
This all shows we can intentionally and consciously make the choice: Do we want to live in despair, being unhappy and in entropy? Or live a life that has a Purpose and thus has more fulfillment?
Once you know your values, passions, limits and strengths it will not be too difficult to give your life a direction.
Knowing our “why” is the first important step in understanding how to achieve the goals that excite us and create the life we like to live. In fact, only when we know and connect to our deep motivation do we find the courage to take the risks necessary to move forward, stay motivated along the way and move our life on a completely new, more challenging and more rewarding trajectory.
Aldo thank you so much for your comments. Well said. I cannot agree more! So glad we get to learn these life lessons.
Brooke, some random thoughts on purpose, creative courage, and the acceptance of change:
https://www.bizcatalyst360.com/a-calling-to-purpose/
https://medium.com/@mark_9893/take-the-first-step-cf9352273945?source=friends_link&sk=d9ebbd6d365f25438f2d00dc1e6cf51b
https://medium.com/@mark_9893/its-about-time-9c53fd209cfc?source=friends_link&sk=230f04e278daa1782d84071e451fb196
All of them add up to the fact that we are cut from the same cloth. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this post.
Thank you Mark! I just read the first one for now and I am more excited for our conversation coming up soon!
Well you know how I feel about this, dear Brooke, as I think we are cut from the same cloth. Without purpose, we are like a sailboat without sails. Beautiful work.
Yes my friend! We are in this together to make sure others can see the beauty in this for their own lives!
This is so great, Brooke! It’s so true that when we are engaged and passionate about work, life, relationships –whatever — we are so much happier, more productive, nicer people to be around, the list goes on. A purpose-driven life is the key.
It really is. I started asking about Purpose before I even knew all the various benefits of it. Now that I know more, I cannot think of a life with boredom with not knowing what to do with yourself or your life. This adds so much meaning and fulfillment to our lives. Thank you.
Thanks, Brooke.
“The mind is a wonderful servant and a terrible master.”
One of the possibilities of this ‘break’ is for each of us to focus some energy on our attitudes, beliefs, assumptions and so forth and maybe do a ‘tune-up.” I think lots of people skip that effort as it comes with discomfort; yet to push forward instead of push back, we can embrace that discomfort as a symptom of discovery. Here’s a short piece on that topic (with a bonus podcast):
https://azalearning.com/aza-learning/discomfort-and-pain
And finally, I shifted a few years ago in my coaching from focusing on time management to focusing on energy management. It’s much more useful, I think. Aligning our energy with our purpose brings quick results . . . .
Be good. And well.
Mac
Wow thank you Mac. I loved the way to said it. It is so uncomfortable to do this work. There are beautiful nuggets in the article you sent too. Thank you so much for sharing. I am glad your pivot to energy management. I am much more mindful where I spend my energy every day and it makes such a huge difference in my life.