I will never forget the fall of 2000 when I saw Las Vegas for the first time. We were going to see our first show ever and chose to go early to see “The Strip.” I have never seen anything like it!
We got on the main drive and started from the opposite end of where our show was to be. We wanted to see it all. It was brilliantly lit, almost blinding. If you have been there, you know what I mean. If you have not, Instagram does not even come close to the intensity of the experience. You truly have to be there!
As we made our way through traffic, it was slow and tedious. Curiosity slowing was turbocharged. There was so much for everyone to see. We eagerly pointed out the attractions, lights, fountains, signs, and more. It was a feast for the eyes to see so much. It can easily be described as ostentatious!
However, as we slowed to a snail’s pace and really tried to capture it all, we lost track of time and almost completely forgot why we were there. It was so hypnotizing that we almost forgot that we had tickets to see a show. Fortunately, something jolted our awareness and we quickly took a side street to get to the show—barely on time!
I have been thinking about this experience lately after hearing this quote by Donald Hallstrom:
We live in a world that can cause us to forget who we really are.
Like my experience on the Las Vegas Strip, life offers many things to distract us and pull us away from what we are really about. You can find examples almost every day of people who forgot who they were and did something to disrupt and even ruin their lives.
In this world of instant, all-access media, with the ability to tune into every kind of entertainment and news available, we can so easily get lost. Even more, as we try to keep up with the pace of it all, we can get sucked in and lose track of more than just time.
I don’t believe anyone has ever decided ahead of time to ruin their marriage, destroy their career, sacrifice their children, or commit a crime. Yet, we live in this world that can cause us to completely forget who we are. It happens every day!
So, what can be done? How can we make sure we do not ever forget who we are?
First, we have to be sure of what our values are. Our values form the bedrock foundation of our character. Our values, if we let them, can shape the way we approach daily life. When challenges come, it is so helpful to be firmly rooted in strong values. Brene Brown has said, “If we are clear about the values that guide us…we will always be able to find the light.[i]”
I will be forever grateful for a mother who taught me to value hard work and personal responsibility. Those values (among many others that she taught me) have helped shape my life and influenced so many of my choices. I have been helped in countless ways because I learned and internalized these important values.
When we lose a loved one, what they valued is often the first thing we think about. Isn’t this what we talk about at their funerals? We may be remembered for actions we took or things we did in life. However, what we seem to most often talk about is what someone valued or what someone stood for. There is much sense of self to be found (and hard to lose) when we are strong in our values.
Second, to not forget who we are, we need to approach life with a plan. We heard it best from the iconic character, Ferris Bueller, when he quipped, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Often, much of life is missed because we fail to plan for the things that matter most.
The most successful people I know are those who have taken the time to decide what they want to do and where they want to be. Whether you write out 5-10-20 year plans, or you simply take out a post-it note at the beginning of each day, much of remembering who we are can come from making a plan.
Even more, when that plan is connected to your values, it will be even more effective. It is a simple thing to lose track of what matters most. Being clear on values and making a plan from there can keep us on course. Make some time each day, each week, and each year to really plan what you want your life to be.
Finally, it is really easy to forget who we are when we focus too much on ourselves. In a world where everyone is taking selfies, we can get too preoccupied with what we look like, how we compare to others, and even showing off some fake persona to the world. A selfie is hardly ever a true indicator of who we really are.
Keeping track of who we really are so often comes from our connection to others. In my line of work, you often hear us say, “As humans, we are hard-wired for connection.” While it may not be the worst thing in the world to take and post a selfie on social media sites, most often what really matters is our relationship with the actual people in our lives.
Let’s face it, we need others. When we take the time to subtract thinking about ourselves out of our lives, we actually find there is so much more of ourselves to add. Author Ken Liu said, “We are defined by the places we hold in the web of others’ lives.” If you want to remember who you really are, look to the place you hold and the connection you have with the people in your life. This matters.
Certainly, we can accomplish great things on our own. Yet, there is no one who truly achieves success without the support and love of another person. We all have had to stand on the shoulders of others. Thus, we best remember who we really are by recalling where we came from and who has shared the journey with us. No one is an island. No one travels the roads of life alone.
So, as you head out into this busy and sometimes hectic world, please do not get too distracted by the bright lights and amazing spectacles. Remember who you are! Never forget who you really are!
