We had already been blessed with two healthy sons when I peed on the pink plastic stick and discovered baby number three was on board in my belly. “Oh, brother!” I shrieked then laughed with the follow up “or sister?!” I wondered if our prayers would be answered.
As I chased around two boys ages three and one, the baby bump had begun to burst, and life was good. With kisses and hugs, we waved goodbye to our two sons as we dropped them off at Grandmas. Heading out for a routine check-up, we promised to share any news upon our return. At the doctor’s office, our hands were held, interlocked over my belly as we waited our turn.” Gray”, the nurse called out. This being our third pregnancy, we felt comfortable with the routine and casually walked back to the exam room. Up on the table, I laid back and relaxed while I gazed at the painted flower scenes on the white foam ceiling tiles. Next came a squirt of cold jelly on the belly. I giggled at the sound like a 5-year-old then declared, “I’m hungry. Let’s stop for breakfast after.”
As the technician rubbed the ultrasound wand across my belly, I anxiously waited to hear the updates on our growing baby. Suddenly, the tech’s face appeared to turn a light ash color while she stared intently at the monitor. A wave of intense heat and clamminess overwhelmed my body, and I broke out in a heavy sweat. In complete desperation, I twisted my neck to catch my husband’s reaction then quickly shot a look over to the tech. “What?” I shouted. The tech left the room and soon returned with a doctor. Again, I pleaded “What’s going on? Tell me please!” The doctor’s response was grim, but to the point “There is no longer a heartbeat.” “That is not possible,” I shouted emphatically. “Feel my proud belly? My heart is beating. I am giving this baby life.” Although my eyes were cloudy with tears, I could clearly see the silhouette of the fetus on the screen. The tiny heart shadow, however, was indeed, still.
When we arrived home, I laid on the couch while QVC Christmas continuously played on the TV. Knowing that our next appointment would be to medically remove my never-to-be-born child, I was completely numb. The next day my body would be forced to release the lost life inside of me. Time passed; it always does. Our two little guys were both in school and our days were filled with trucks, trains, and T-ball games.
One early summer morning, my test taken at the toilet revealed we were pregnant once again. This time, we prayed for a healthy baby.