A VERY WISE PERSON once reminded me that living with regret and remorse is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. Looking back over my life, I have certainly made some mistakes, some bigger than others. But both my mistakes and my accomplishments have gotten me where I am today. I don’t think I’d want to do any of it over or differently.
What appears to be a more valuable exercise is to answer this question: If confronted with the same problem or circumstances in the future, what would I do differently to get the result I really want?
In working with your mentoring partner, the discussion around this question will open doors to more creative problem-solving and make it easier to let go of the sting of defeat or failure.
Susan, you do bring up a very valid question which I am sure most of us have been confronted with “Do you regret your decision? If you could go back and undo your choice, would you?”
In hindsight, I would say, “Of course I regret my choices;Of course, I want to take back all the pain & hurt I may have caused to others. Despite regret overwhelming me, I realized that, living in regret is fool’s gold.
Regret convinces you that you have the power to change the past if you feel bad enough. Regret robs you of the gift of grace by trying to get you to make up for your mistakes. Regret leads you into a place of shame and guilt & leaves you there wishing things could be different. Regret defeats the spirit of forgiveness & freedom that is yours. But regret isn’t the same as remorse. Remorse is defined as “deep and painful contrition.” Remorse is being sorry, not for the what one did or did not do. Remorse ushers in grace, makes way for redemption and prepares us for healing.
Jonathan, thank you for the excellent distinction between regret and remorse.
Ken, What you suggest is also a very helpful perspective. Thank YOU!
I think the question should be: If you had it to do over, knowing only what you knew then would you do the same thing? I the answer is yes then there should be no regret or remorse.
You can’t judge what you would do now with the benefit of hind sight. The fact that it didn’t turn out the way you intended doesn’t mean it was the wrong decision.