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Our Words

Growing up, I’ve experienced many hurtful words from the ones I looked up to, to the ones I sought approval. My biological fathers’ words, “You’re stupid!  No one will ever want or love you!  You are nothing!” My biological mothers’ words, “You’re not my daughter!  You’re worthless and weak!  No one will ever want or love you, because I don’t want or love you!” My stepfathers’ words “How stupid can you be?  If you really wanted to kill yourself this is what you should’ve done…” These words were circled around me every day, everywhere, in every set of my life; from both sides of my blood family to being bullied at school.  It seemed these words were inescapable.

My grandmother who raised me and a small portion of my teachers who would say to me, “Don’t believe them. You’re smart, beautiful, wanted, and loved.”  Somehow I thought they were all lying because the majority said that I was nothing and for years, I believed them.

I’ve struggled with depression my entire life and this year, I tried one last time to commit suicide.  The doctors said it was a very serious attempt, but praise be to God, I am still here! During my recovery, I’ve pondered long and hard over my life and how I could no longer wake up pleading for death.  So I asked God to help me.  And He answered; tearing down my walls of depression and rejection from others through a simple prayer of surrender and resuscitation.

Now, I’m under the guidance of an awesome therapist.  With the love and support of my husband, as well as my God-family; I have separated myself from the toxic circle of individuals whose mission was to damage and destroy me, only surrounding myself around people whose only desire is what’s best for me.

I’m both humbled and grateful; understanding my road to recovery will be a lifelong journey.  But I am better, so much better than I was just a year ago.  Has the use of harmful words from others stopped?  No, but the harmful behavior towards myself has, and I’ve begun to love me.  I mean it. “I love me some Pre.Kaya’!” I can honestly say I wake up thankful to live and have dedicated my life towards a mission of encouraging others to break free from their own personal chains.

In a time when our words mean so much through the interaction of social media you must realize that your words may have a powerful, negative influence over someone else’s life.  So, don’t plant seeds that you’ll later regret sowing!

No one should have to suffer alone!  If you’re facing a crisis situation or thinking about harming yourself please seek help immediately!  Remember, YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Suicide Prevention and 24/7/365 Crisis Hotline (800) 273-TALK or (800) 273-8255

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Pre.Kaya' Gilkey
Pre.Kaya' Gilkeyhttps://hoping1word.com/
Pre.Kaya’ Gilkey is a Poet, Entrepreneur, Author of debut book Exposed Poetry Memoirs, and Featured Contributor Writer for BIZCATALYST 360°. She passionately developed her website HOPING1WORD.COM to inspire and uplift others. The website focuses on self-improvement, unity, encouragement, and love through poetry, positive affirmations, quotes, and more; while hoping to encourage the world one word at a time.

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2 CONVERSATIONS

  1. It’s my hope thar your authenticity and transparency will affect many lives…even those who display qualities of those who were the negative influencers in your life. People who are so unhappy with themselves that their goal is to make others around them unhappy.

    Thank you also for sharing and inspiring others on the importance of loving oneself.

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