Metamorphosis through Grace
As I look back now on my life, from the vantage point of many years of experience and a “forever Home” on top of a mountain that is literally where heaven and earth meet, I bow down with the deepest of respect and love to the divine presence of Grace within me that has unquestionably been the invisible force and thread leading me from the darkness of illusion to the Light of Truth. I believe that each person has something I call an “O.W.” A fitting acronym for Original Wound, that place deep within our consciousness where – no matter how much work we have done on ourselves or how far we think we’ve come – when triggered causes us to react as if someone had poured scalding oil on an open sore. Mine centered on the overwhelming sense of being wrong.
I was an unplanned baby. My mother and father, not even out of college yet, were unprepared in every way to be parents. They named me Elizabeth Rochelle. And my surname was Rubin. E.R.R. Even before I had words to describe it, I felt like a mistake. I had distant memories of being born a butterfly. But the adults in my world, all conditioned and controlled by subconscious, unexamined judgements and limiting beliefs, couldn’t handle a child whose very essence embodied joy and freedom. Thus, uncomfortable in their own skin, they forced me into a metaphorical cocoon from which it would take me years to extricate myself.
But even from inside the cocoon, I had a powerful influence on people.
It was as though my very presence reminded them, painfully, of everything they innately knew was possible for them, but that they had not yet found the courage to pursue. I would come along in people’s lives and simply by being me, would push them off the plateaus they had been resting on, reminding them that – if they were not yet at the summit of their individual mountains – there was still further to climb.
For decades I suffered enormous guilt when this would happen. And I would run from the people who I imagined I had hurt. But in 1985, two events changed the course of my life forever. The first was my marriage to a Japanese man, and my new surname became Urabe which, in Japanese, means, “Family of Divine Origin”. The second event was a meeting with destiny in the form of a Realized Spiritual Master. And in the decades to follow, as my commitment and devotion deepened and my surface wounds healed, I got closer and closer to my Original Wound of feeling like a mistake and of not being able to trust the Voice of Intuition within my own Soul that I knew to be my true Self.
I just celebrated my 59th birthday. And I gave myself a priceless gift; permission to be happy. As Who I Am. When I push people out of their comfort zones now, I stick around and offer a helping hand if it is welcomed. I rejoice and live up to the current initials of my name, E.R.U which, also in Japanese, is a verb meaning “to receive”. And I now fully embrace and embody the last four lines of a poem I penned in 2000:
There is no imperfection
in the being of a caterpillar
But when its time comes…
the butterfly will emerge.
What a beautiful poem, Elizabeth.
I hadn’t read this your first post on this platform when I commented in our previous exchange.
I so related to your “unplanned” part. I think my parents would have preferred me to show up a little later as my father once confessed that he couldn’t count. (For an accountant, one would otherwise think that was a requirement…)
My arrival was out of control, and if you ask my mother, trying to control me has been fools errand ever since. There is a world of difference between authoritative and authoritarian and while I am fine with the former, the latter pushes my buttons very hard.
Your verbalizing of original wound opened up some connections for me, thank you. Now I need to ponder that a little more.
I am so glad to that you found this post as well, Charlotte, as it is definitely a gentler introduction to my Self expression than today’s post was 🙃. Your comment about your father not being able to count is hilarious and I would wager a guess that your degree of freedom threatens your mother’s awareness that she herself is still imprisoned to a great degree… I hope that you will share any revelations that arise as you ponder your own Original Wound and its implications in your life!
Welcome Home Elizabeth!
Your essay here is a testimony to a life of finding truth, peace and grace. You have captured the true essence of the tapestry of all of our lives right here:
“There is no imperfection
in the being of a caterpillar
But when its time comes…
the butterfly will emerge.”
YOU are a beautiful butterfly…
And thank you… for the profound insight of the “original wound”. The mere thought is making me think deeper into my own life. #grateful!
Thank you so much for the overflowing enthusiasm and sincerity of your beautiful response beautiful sister. It is the purpose of my life to guide already powerful spiritual warriors that tiny bit deeper into their own understanding, realization and embodiment. Eternal gratitude to you. I’m sure we’ll be “dancing” on LinkedIn 💞
Elizabeth: So affirming to read of your journey, I’m quite certain there are others out there born an ERR, who will benefit from your strength. Namaste!
BE
Thank you so much for taking the time to read Byron and making the time to comment. Deeply appreciated!
Hello Elizabeth. Thank you for sharing your account of the Grace that led you from “the illusion of darkness to the Light of Truth!” I enjoyed every word! 🙏🙏
Thank you so much Art! I can’t tell you how much it means to me to finally be connected with like minded and hearted souls genuinely interested in and receptive to what I came to give 💞
Welcome Elizabeth,
Very nice to meet you.
This is a beautiful introduction to your existence. A pleasure to read your words this morning.
Your presence was always meant to be and I am happy to meet your true self. Happy birthday to your fabulous soul, everyday it is born. The power of truth is that which comes to light. To find in destiny, the guide where you can turn on the light that helps you see where you are going with a better view. We are born pure and finding that existence beholds the truth, you have a reason to be here. Acceptance is the entrance to your existence. After that, joy is bliss.
Thank you so much for sharing this story of you.
Thank you so much Paula for helping me feel so genuinely welcome here and so sure that at long last, I have been guided to people truly open to the depths of what I came to share and give.
I actually thought I had responded to this comment first thing this morning when I saw it, but I guess my technologically challenged self failed to push the right buttons 🤣🥰💜.
Thank you so much for the overflowing enthusiasm and sincerity of your beautiful response beautiful sister. It is the purpose of my life to guide already powerful spiritual warriors that tiny bit deeper into their own understanding, realization and embodiment. Eternal gratitude to you. I’m sure we’ll be “dancing” on LinkedIn 💞