I recognize that from the title alone, some might quickly leap to the conclusion that this will be a dark and gloomy contribution, but I would make the case that it in fact is not. Acknowledging that life will have its dark, undesirable moments (which can feel like an eternity even when of short duration) allows us to face up to expectations that may not be reasonable or realistic, and to find the courage and will to “keep going” even when we are on the verge of abandoning hope of a better tomorrow. And in my mind, this is a critical conceit, because without hope, the human spirit withers and loses its ability to withstand and bear unpleasant and even outright tragic circumstances.
Resilience, to a large extent, is a muscle, and while some may be genetically predisposed towards having a greater capacity for resilience, unless and until exercised, none of us truly know how resilient we may be.
The late screenwriter and novelist William Goldman, in his clever, often darkly humorous, and unabashedly romantic yet subversive novel that was turned into a now much-beloved film (which I should point out, was a commercial flop upon its initial theatrical release) THE PRINCESS BRIDE wrote the following passage: “Life is pain, highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”
Does that comment right there not make the point? That life, no matter how charmed or favored by the universe we might perceive ourselves to be in moments of apparent success and triumph, is going to contain the inevitable “Gotcha!” in one form or another. Mind you, in the same book I should point out that Goldman also observed, “Life isn’t fair, it’s just fairer than death, that’s all.”
I will also reference a comment I made within recent memory on LinkedIn regarding a posting referencing the late performer Nightbirde, who passed away from cancer at the youthful age of only 31 years old. Since I can’t bear to put what I wrote in quotes, as doing so feels uncomfortably pretentious, I will simply restate my observation as follows:
In truth, I’m not sure where any of us get the notion that life, or at least parts of it, are not meant to be hard.
Sure, our preference at first blush might be for an “easy” life, but besides the unlikelihood of that happening, growth and evolution are caused by facing challenges and obstacles and regardless of outcome, pressing on.
Finding contentment can be elusive and as I remarked in [yet] another posting, dreams can die hard or die easy, and much of that is up to us.
So, what might we gather from this perspective? That we should embrace and accept suffering? According to Buddhist truths, this is inescapable. Nowhere in Buddhist thought that I’m aware of does it state that we must enjoy this reality, but our goal it seems is to transcend it.
Should we get used to disappointment? Well, I reckon that the more ambitious and expansive our goals and desires, the greater the probability that we will either fail on our journey to achieving them or possibly never realize them, and we need to accept this. Maybe it’s true that while we don’t always get what we want, we do ultimately get what we need, because again, the universe tends towards balance.
Maybe we should accept that all our plans and best intentions and desires both secret and overt may be for naught? With sufficient wisdom and maturity, I suppose such a conclusion should be self-evident. Not every dream is fulfilled, and yet there just might be some deeper lesson underscoring this truth if we can recognize it. We could always settle for a safe existence with very low expectations and go through this world like emotionless automatons, but that seems to me like a rather grim way to live one’s life.
Perhaps the healthiest way to accept things as they are is to recognize that a life free of challenges, obstacles, disappointments, heartache, and even tragedies, while it might seem appealing, is not only unrealistic but wouldn’t really serve us very well.
How can we expect to appreciate those moments where everything seems right or is going the way we want if we never experience the opposite? You can best appreciate the view from a mountaintop when you’ve had to exert effort to reach it. Or reaching a destination that you’ve longed to see after experiencing the full journey to arrive. Things readily given or otherwise achieved are often taken for granted because that’s simply human nature. What comes easy isn’t really valued. Conversely, things that required effort, especially over a prolonged period, which often implies discipline, commitment, and sacrifice, are far easier to appreciate because the outcome feels “earned.” We worked for the outcome and it wasn’t handed to us or necessarily pre-ordained.
Ultimately, the lesson that life teaches us all is perseverance. We will all face pain in one form or another throughout every stage of life and learning how to cope with this truth, to find acceptance, and to rise above our instinctive reaction to withdraw or to wallow in misery allows us to grow and to evolve. And achieving this end, perhaps, really is the goal of every human life if we get right down to it.
