On The Lighter Side

PART OF THE “growing up/growing older/maturation” process is to look back on some of your antics from the days when you had fun doing all those silly things you did. Anything from car tricks to practical jokes or just about anything else that caused you to laugh so hard you actually cried tears from your hysterically funny hijinks. Below are a few of my best stunts as I “look back…”

The milkshake wars – Giving somebody like me a driver license at the ripe age for vehicular fun was like whatever it was like. My friends and I would chase each other with our cars (two people to a car since one had to drive while the other did the hurling) and as soon as we got close enough a chocolate milkshake (it had to be chocolate) was chucked at the other car. Whichever car was most successful with their bombing efforts won the game. By the way only White Castle or Jack In The Box shakes were used as they were the thickest.

Fun with dad’s Dodge Dart – Dad had this 1971 Flake Green (hideous color) that was perfect for the gadgets we hooked up to it. My friend was a collector or old New York City Police Car Sirens, Fireballs (revolving lights that attached to the roof of your car via magnets) plus police radio consoles. We would chase kids smoking dope with the siren blasting and the fireball spinning. We would also take care up some of hilliest streets in the Bronx (Waring Avenue) where the car would up a hill before banging on the flat part. Knocking down highway cones as well as smashing shopping carts into other cars or other carts was fun too.

The Adventures of Mean Duck, & Clean Duck – We were infatuated by the kids TV show that really wasn’t a kids show by the name of the Uncle Floyd Show. Uncle Floyd had this wise talking puppet named Oogie. I wanting some like Oogie bought these clown small clown dolls and told everybody that they were ducks.

These “ducks” solicited prostitutes. Yes, the prostitutes were willing to “do” the ducks but noticed they had no genitalia but were still willing to try as long as duck would pay them. We drove off seeking to do more mischief which we found in Rego Park, Queens. Waiting for a traffic light we stuck one of the ducks out of the window and had it yell at the driver in the car in back of us. The guy gut so flustered that he crashed his car into another one. He told the police the duck was yelling at him so he could not concentrate on driving. The driver of that car was admitted to the hospital for psychiatric observation.

The Puppets – Not being content with the fun we were having with the ducks (we all collected them) we started buying Sesame Street Puppets. One night the bridge tolls were going up at midnight so we came up with the idea we would go through the toll booth moments before the tolls were going up and have the puppet (I think it was a Burt puppet) hand the money to the toll taker and start cursing at him. Traffic was backing up while the toll collector was cursing back at the puppet. When a police officer came to the booth to see what was going on we hid the puppet. A new toll collector was put in place to whom we paid the old toll and went on our merry way.

Along the way we wound up on a runway in Laguardia Airport which was restricted for Army Aircraft only. Can you imagine the sight of these planes coming right at us? Fortunately the planes ground to a halt allowing us to “bolt”

Studio 54 – Some of the funniest times were spent harassing those wanting to get into Studio 54 along with those whose job it was to pick only the “beautiful people type) to let in. We would lure the disco loving crowd over to us with the promise of free tickets. When they got up to the window of my Chrysler New Yorker we sprayed them with an old pressurized Fire Extinguisher that we filled with bodily fluids along with other assorted liquids. Or we would simply throw eggs at them.

People from various organizations my father belonged to would call the house when my parents were not home. Since my voice was nearly identical to that of my father I was able to say some very “not nice” things to these people which caused them to hang up My father would inquire if anybody had called him since he had not heard from him. I would slyly smile and say “sorry dad nobody called.”

Yes there the marijuana years where we would set the produce belt of this supermarket we were working in on fire. I had to dodge assorted rotten fruit that came flying up the belt at ne while I was weighing fruit. We smoked dope in Washington Square Park with this guy and his dog when Jimmy Carter was running for President.

There are so many more tales to tell but it is 3:44am here in Brooklyn, NY on Sunday August 16, 2015. So how about some of your merrymaking during your younger years when this article comes out.