On Suffering and the End of Suffering

Practicing self-awareness

Self-awareness is the ability to think about your very thought process.

You are aware of the space between stimulus and response, you’re aware of your genetic, biological inheritance, your upbringing, and of the environmental forces around you. Unlike animals, you can make wise choices regarding these things. You sense you are or can become the creative force of your own life. This is your most fundamental decision.
~Stephen Covey

The range of what we think and do is limited by what we fail to notice. And because we fail to notice that we fail to notice, there is little we can do to change; until we notice how failing to notice shapes our thoughts and deeds.
~ R.D. Laing

Interestingly, observing the signs and red flags your body sends to warn you of any imbalances is also a crucial step of moving toward your suffering-free arena!

Learning to tame our minds in times of anguish, confusion, or anxiety

In Buddhist teaching, they use what goes by the name of Shamatha or calm-abiding meditation practice.

In Buddhist terms, we say the mind is clear. Clarity here means the mind can understand itself. We can understand things because the mind’s true nature is self-understanding. Otherwise, we could not learn anything. To learn in the Buddhist sense means to gain self-understanding. The self-realized mind is free from the influence of phenomena. It is mind free from all need to occupy itself; it is now an independent mind.
~Shamar Rinpoche

Summary of the Buddhism teaching

Simply put, all the brilliant Buddhism teachings summarized above revolve around one thing that I consider as the miraculous formula to all the problems in the world, no matter how big or small, which are merely manifestations of the unhealthy ego / false self.

This one thing is re-writing the distorted subconscious program — we never wrote in the first place — in alignment with the universal correct principles. More to the point, destroying all the limiting beliefs about ourselves and the world — where most of the subtle manipulation happens!

Let me give you an example to illustrate what I mean by the latter truth:

I once listened to a podcast discussing some common challenges observed at schools and how to guide teachers in understanding and managing them. One of the two guests was talking about a safe place for kids, and then about formal authority.

Making use of this kind of authority or encouraging it is a Win-Lose paradigm. It is one of the most common patterns between narcissistic personalities. Here is a rule to always keep in mind in such a context:

Even when it comes to the most intelligent manipulators, they talk about what they believe deep inside despite doing their best to hide their ugly truth using numerous strategies.

The person was promoting safety and then talking fear. Do you think people follow others because they are afraid of them? This limiting belief is the root cause of so many mental and psychological health problems. People follow who they trust, and there is no trust with fear.

We trust trustworthy people, those who are principle-centered, and modeling their talk. Those who make consistent deposits to elevate the Emotional Bank Account as Stephen Covey liked to call the trust reserve.

Those who can build healthy relationships, which are fueled by love instead of fear. Those servant leaders are genuinely inspiring people around them, but not through formal authority. Rather compassion and moral authority.

The major problem which could occur is that — without being able to pay attention to it before it is too late — we may sadly take many manipulators for kind-hearted leaders. How come? They are masters at psychological mirroring.

When someone mirrors us, they are doing a range of things. They may mimic us, emulate us, be interested in us, share our interest, point out our strengths, gently point out our weaknesses, and simply reflect us. Healthy mirroring involves a person who sees us accurately, and who allows us to see them as well. It is safe. It is reciprocal. It is honest. It is kind. Having this sort of holistic mirroring leaves us feeling safe. Narcissistic mirroring is a whole other game. The process is less about seeing you in some meaningful way than it is about data gathering.
~Dr. Ramani Durvasula

What is that supposed to mean? Those narcissists can not only mirror real servant leaders and practice their outlook but also give anybody they are interacting with the impression of being seen and listened to through their fake empathy.

In other words, if we did not learn to question anything, including our thoughts, chances are high to be fooled by manipulative individuals.

To come back to the podcast, the person gave an example about an emergency happening in an airplane to support her idea about the students’ need for a strong teacher who does not have to be their friend. They need a savior in critical situations through formal authority.

It is the narcissists’ limiting belief you need to spot!

Appealingly, servant leaders are the most resilient individuals in the room. Consequently, they always have the right and quickest resolution in dangerous situations. People would follow them in any decision they make even when it sounds nonsense. Why? Because they know how much their leaders care.

Exploration of the 5 causes when we become principle-centered

Not Knowing The True Nature of Reality

Re-writing the subconscious program is first and foremost aiming to kill your false self so that you can unleash the True Self: the servant leader in you trapped under the life-time of conditioning layers and waiting for you to clean the dust.

A non-exhaustive list of this servant leader virtues is:

• A story we can easily relate to,
• What they are saying is resonating with our core principles even when we are not yet living them,
• Their authenticity and how easily they can speak their truth even when everybody is buying into lies or pretending,
• Their vulnerability and ability to expose themselves emotionally despite the risk to be ridiculed,
• Their kindness and generosity,
• Their humility: one of the most exquisite and captivating qualities of all,
• Being faithful to their principles no matter the price to pay,
• Their integrity, abundance mentality, and emotional maturity (balance between compassion and bravery to confront),
• How they treat everybody fairly and respectfully,
• Their contagious energy and lovable silliness,
• How much they can make you laugh without even downgrading a single person within the process; their secret weapon being self-deprecating. When doing so, those people are nurturing our inner kid,
• Their passion: the sparkling eyes, the excitement, the enthusiasm, how moved they could become when visualizing the outcomes of their life mission, and the vibes those people are vehiculating even through written words,
• Their gratitude: To the Universe, Divinity, God, Karma (whatever you believe in) for pretty much anything, even the fact of being able to breathe without machines,
• How easy and quick their apologies are whenever they figure out that they made a mistake.