I think we can agree that anyone with the ability to breathe and access to purchase anything, has surely spent money on some lunacy items and services. Case in point, a Marilyn Monroe dog costume (yeah that is legit), the grilled cheese portrait of the Virgin Mary that fetched $28,000 on eBay (REALLY?) and let’s not forget the “Potty Putter,” with the tagline “Work on your game while you evacuate your bowels.” Yup, that is real also. For me, it’s all of the lotion-potions, nail polishes, fake eye lashes, hair removal systems, hair serums and pony tail-fake hair bun combos that lay beneath my bathroom sink. Oh, and all of the weight loss supplements that are expired. Can’t forget those.
Today though, I’ve seen something I honestly can’t wrap my head around. I travel extensively for work via the automobile (no planes and trains to add at the moment) and with my pea sized bladder, I am often known to hit the rest stops. Brace yourself. Outside the rest stop were two air conditioned dog houses. I went in to use the facilities and while I was in there I thought, WTF, I need to check this out.
Sure enough, air conditioned dog houses, 30 cents per minute. Now I have to ask this question. If you are traveling with your dog on a major highway in, let’s say, New York State – a toll-sucking one to be exact – surely you must have air conditioning. I mean it is 2019. Even the 1963 Pontiac Tempest from My Cousin Vinny had optional AC. It’s not like your pooch doesn’t have access to cool air in your car. Unless, of course, he is in your trunk on the way to Pet Sematary.
So let’s just paint a picture. You and your friend Susie Q are driving down the highway and have to make a pit stop. You see the doggie AC unit and exclaim, “Buster you’re going to get some air conditioning while we pee! Isn’t that exciting?” The dog happily wags his tail and probably his whole body in anticipation of what is yet to come, only to be bustled into a fully enclosed dog house wondering if you are going to take off and leave him there. You put in your quarter and a nickel and for 60 seconds, AC flows out at him like he’s on stage at a Beyonce concert. Only thing that could make this visualization any better would be for Buster to be wearing the Marilyn Monroe costume.
For me, I know my Labrador, Callie, would absolutely flip sh&* in a fully enclosed air-locked doggie container, but my little Shorkie, Milo, would flounce his ears around like he was a backup dancer for Buster on stage. I can even picture the eyes half-closed move he makes when he wants to seem cute and not the cabinet chewing terror that he really is.
So what do we make of this? Personally, I wish I had invented something more useful. Maybe I’ll start trying to figure out how to put the Virgin Mary on some grilled cheese. That’d pay some college tuition! No offense to the people who invented the air conditioned dog house, but perhaps a Roomba type lawn mower/dog sh&* picker upper that finds its way back to its charging station on the side of your garage would be a better bet. Crap! How would it empty itself? Eh, that’s what teenagers are for. Back to the drawing table…
In the meantime, I am going to keep watching to see if anyone pays 30 cents for one minute of AC for their dogs. Worst case, Callie and Milo are going on a road trip. Buckle up!
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