Negative Emotions Give Us Guidance

Why is it that some situations trigger such BIG negative emotions – even when the situation doesn’t warrant it?

It’s like an enormous pool of energy gets tapped when a small hurt happens in our lives. We think we have gotten past it or resolved situations that had us feel scared, angry or hurt, and yet we still feel these big reactions in certain situations or people.

While many of us have a very high emotional awareness and know what we feel when we feel it (e.g. anger, hurt, frustration), few of us were taught how to relate to or express our own emotional pain in healthy ways. Healthy self-expression, allows our feelings to release naturally without harming us or anyone else. At best, we were taught that some emotions are good, and some are bad, and it’s best to avoid the bad ones at all costs. At worst, others dumped their emotional pain onto us and that taught us that it’s up to us to take it on or fix it for them. This got us in the habit of doing the same with others people. Either dumping our emotions out on them to release the pressure inside and expecting them to deal with it on their end or working hard to soothe them when they are in pain. What other choices do we have when we didn’t learn a better way?

As human beings, we are designed to allow the energy of our emotions to move through us recognizing and releasing that energy as it comes through.

What if we shifted our perspective to see emotions as they are – energy that is moving through us to share their message? Our emotions let us know if we are getting what we want or if we are getting what we do not want. As human beings, we are designed to allow the energy of our emotions to move through us recognizing and releasing that energy as it comes through. Watch a small child when they fall down and cry. If we help them to acknowledge what happened and express how they feel without trying to change it or fix it (by saying things like “don’t cry, or “you don’t have to feel that way”), the energy moves up and out all by itself as the child expresses his/herself. Once the energy has moved on, the child is then ready for the next experience. Dogs are the same way. They simply ‘shake it off’ and move to the next experience.

When we allow ourselves to be in the moment, we provide an avenue for our emotions to move up and out for healing, completion, and release. Your emotions want to be fully seen and heard without your judgment (making them wrong). They simply want your recognition so they can give you their message and move on. Once we allow them to move through, all of the ‘information’ that we need (e.g., what to do or say to take care of ourselves given how we feel) comes in right after. SO many of us have learned to skip over the feelings and move right to a solution instead of recognizing how it is for us, owning that emotional experience, and forgiving ourselves for not having a better way to honor our inner truth until now.

When a strong emotion wants to give you it’s message, simply relax and step back inside and focus instead on the body sensations of the energy moving through you.

Do you feel pressure in your chest? Butterflies in your stomach? The tension in your jaw? Let yourself notice what the energy of the emotion feels like and allow it to be here without getting sucked into the story/meaning of it running in your mind. By allowing the physical experience of the feeling to be here (saying yes to it inside), it can feel fully seen and heard by you and give you its message – you are not getting what you want, or you are getting something you don’t’ want. When you acknowledge the message, you can lovingly take action on your own behalf.

Which emotions will you allow to speak to you today?

Wendy Watson-Hallowell | The Belief Coach
Wendy Watson-Hallowell | The Belief Coachhttps://www.belief-works.com/
WENDY is passionate about enabling individuals, organizations and communities to value themselves and each other in the ongoing process of change. Wendy has guided hundreds of individuals and over 750+ public and private sector organizations to achieve tangible increases in impact and performance. Her successful practice in mentoring and coaching has led to authorship of the book, ‘Live a Life You Love and Make a Living Doing It’. Over the last 30 years, Wendy’s skills have been honed in leadership roles at MTV Networks, The Rensselaerville Institute, and a variety of community based projects in her town. In 2015 she launched BeliefWorks and offers Belief Coaching as a way to address the root cause of what limits the results we can achieve both personally and professionally. This is an 'upstream' solution to change. Instead of changing limiting behavior, she focuses on changing the limiting beliefs that drive that behavior. In all cases, her clients and partners speak to the specific increases in achievement that her consulting, coaching and partnership roles make possible.
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Larry Tyler

Great article, I think reflectively, speak kindly and act with restraint and respect..

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