I know they are more common in other countries, but the roundabout is starting to be more common in the part of the world I live in. In fact, my regular commute involves several of them. When I head to my place of worship, I have to pass through 5 roundabouts to get to my destination. It is interesting.
If you have not been on a roundabout, you are really missing a fun ride! Basically, a roundabout is created at a busy intersection. In America, you pull in on the right and go for a ride around a circle to the left. As you zip around there are multiple exits and entrances. If there are multiple lanes, you may be doing this with many others.
You drive in the circle until your exit comes. It can be a wild experience!
A roundabout can also be very frustrating for some as well. First, you have people who are nervous and uncertain so they stop as they approach the entrance and are hesitant to pull in. Even more, you have people who drive like a qualifying lap in the Indy careening around corners haphazardly. Finally, you have the difficulty of getting out at the right exit. You can get stuck in a roundabout if you are in the wrong lane. Wow!
However, a roundabout is much like a relationship. Often, just when you are heading down smooth and open roads, you find yourself at this roundabout. It may be the roundabout of misunderstanding and feeling some frustrations as you learn together. You may experience the roundabout of frustration and anger and want to speed out of there as quick as possible. You may experience a roundabout of feeling stuck and not sure how to get out. A roundabout is an interesting experience in a relationship.
Yet, the roundabout also demonstrates a perfect solution to helping individuals in relationships navigate through the twists and turns of the relationships. The concept is called “Circling Back.”
Circling back is the deliberate practice of going back to anything in a relationship that causes concerns or difficulties for one or both of the parties. In my most important relationships, I often use the words “May I circle back with you on…” In a relationship where both parties are familiar with this idea of circling back, this can signal a need to slow down, be a bit more careful and attentive, and find the best way out.
Circling back works really well in dating and marital relationships. Truth be told, we are all prone to read into things, misunderstand each other, “jump to confusions,” and maybe even getting our feelings hurt. Sometimes these concerns are real and important to address. Often, they are made up in our minds and also important to address. Circling back helps us to do this with more care and less frustration.
An example may help. Let’s say I am hoping that my partner will want to spend more time with me just talking and sipping hot chocolate this Sunday afternoon. I say to her, “Hey, do you want some hot chocolate?” She politely declines the offer and gets busy with some task or project around the house. I am bummed and maybe even a little hurt that she does not want to spend time with me. If I am paying attention and curious about those feelings, I may approach her a little while later and ask “May I please circle back with you on something?” When she kindly pauses and gives me her ear and attention, I can then tell her how I was hoping to spend time with her but I did not ask really well and now I am telling myself that I am not important to her. Then, I may ask her if we can spend time together now.
Circling back can get us back on the road and moving forward more quickly and with better feelings. Think how this would work in the home, the workplace, with extended family, and with friends.
Let’s face it, we are all prone to misunderstandings, frustrations, and making up stories in our heads about what others are doing or not doing. These made up stories in our minds often build into frustrations and we can get stuck in a roundabout in our heads and in our conduct and feel like there is no safe way in our out. Circling back is a wonderful way to resolve these things and draw closer. Circling back can get us back on the road and moving forward more quickly and with better feelings. Think how this would work in the home, the workplace, with extended family, and with friends. If we all generously sought to be open to others, carefully go in with “May I circle back with you on something?” and then politely help and support each other with loving conversation, kind assumptions, and a desire to move forward we can really make things happen! It is incredible how this process works and helps!
So, the next time one of your relationships enters a roundabout, try circling back. Seek to be kind and courageous and open up! Ask kindly if you may circle back on whatever it is you are thinking or feeling. Be open. Be sensitive. Listen to each other. Be supportive. Acknowledge what happened or what you imagined happened and resolve it. Seek understanding as you go around together on this! Really listen. When you do so, I guarantee the results will be better.
Circling back! That will get us back on the straightaway!
Circle back great mental image. It truly does make sense. Thank you for sharing