I began posting on social media back in 2014, after a health scare that resulted in surgical intervention to repair a heart arrhythmia. My very first article, “Affairs of The Heart,” describes a lucid dream I had that night in the hospital after my surgery. It would be a lesson in all that I had ever believed in but failed to acknowledge in myself.
In my dream, I was hosting a grand party that I sensed was a ‘going away’ celebration. At the end of the evening, as I was saying goodbye and good night to my guests, I suddenly became aware that these guests were intimate partners, family, friends, and colleagues from my past and present, all of which involved a painful parting of the ways or a power struggle of sorts. I knew instinctively I had been holding them all hostage in my heart and it was time to let them go.
I woke up with severe pain in my chest and head. Suddenly, the white coats swarmed my room as my blood pressure had soared and then taken a nosedive. Heart attack? Maybe. But to this day, I believe it was the “release point” of all my imprisoned emotional pain.
That is what happens when we hold on to it. Our bodies serve as a storage facility for all our unfinished business. Eventually, we all need to do a deep dive into the emotional dumpster and purge! I am so grateful for that experience, as it has given me the opportunity to understand the language of my heart while offering me a unique perspective on my experiences.
That is why I do not enter any conflicts I might experience here on social media (or anywhere else for that matter.) There really is no need to defend myself or anyone else, (unless someone is in danger of physical harm or threat) because we always have the option of walking away or just ‘scrolling away.’
I comment on the things that move me, not because of who may have written the piece, but what they have written. Do not get me wrong, I certainly have become incredibly angry when targeted by some internet troll for airing their grievances on one of my posts. And I do find profound purpose in the energy of anger. It is an extremely helpful emotion in our healing process if we can manage to take a pause before we react and ‘tune in’ to examine within ourselves what it is that triggered our anger in the first place, not who triggered it.
We are ALL wounded souls and anger is the most accurate emotion we possess in identifying that which needs our undivided attention.
It is an offering from our senses, (or higher mind) to try to better understand ourselves and our experiences of the world. Whatever pained you, shamed you, maimed you, acknowledge it and validate it for sure, then RELEASE it.
Your body of pain and anger is your closest friend. It will stop at nothing to get your attention no matter who or what it used to get there. It will nudge you to pay close attention to minding your OWN Ps and Qs too.
In and of itself, anger has no conscious intent to hurt you. It simply emerges to heal you;-)
If I come upon a thread full of negativity, I move on. Simply put, this is not how I want to spend my time. Also, if I am on the receiving end of a negative situation, I will not make their problem my problem by reacting to it. It is best to ignore it and move on.
Taking sides in heated situations can be very costly too. It is a slippery slope because words are easily misunderstood, and tone easily misinterpreted, especially in a heated discussion. It just adds more fuel to the fire. I will certainly step in to support and have supported those in such dilemmas by contacting them privately. This gives us room to pause. To take that breath and ask ourselves one simple question. Is it worth my time and energy?
Allowing that pause is to examine the big picture and identify what is triggering us. My best guess is there is a deep-seated issue left unchecked. Anger is the emotion of avoidance and rises when we are feeling vulnerable or wounded. Doing a little digging and making sure it fits the current situation gives us the opportunity to respond appropriately rather than be overrun by ‘reactive’ emotion. They are wonderful motivators, but those little buggers can also be very deceptive manipulators;-)
It is important to remember that we have no idea what is going on in the minds of others. Sometimes those elevators just do not reach those top floors. And I know sure as sheeeet my mind ain’t living in no penthouse either!
But I think the most important thing to remember is to modify our judgment of other people. We need diversity to create necessary change. Those who will help to create this much-needed change are those who are willing to speak out about the patterns of thought that no longer serve us. Those who are willing to break through their own cycles of pain and take us to uncomfortable places. They are not new-age psychos. They are the thought leaders of our future, invoking in our hearts and minds a new way of thinking that brings meaning to our lives. Whose SOUL purpose is to unite rather than destroy. And for that, I am grateful.
Nowhere are we offered more opportunities to fine-tune our emotions than on social media. There is always going to be that obnoxious person that sometimes pops into the comments section of your favorite piece. But, instead of trying to engage them in a heated exchange, try down-regulating the emotion.
Anger only begets anger. Choosing the opposing energy of gratitude is to respond peacefully. That empowers YOU…the RESPONDER. Nothing is more disarming than a smile or a kind word. You just kill them with kindness. Sure, they may shoot you in the head for it, but you will go down smiling;-)
No matter how you slice it, these dilemmas are part of everyday life. They are the basis for a good debate; a good and healthy controlled exchange, and (no matter how insignificant it may seem, it is the most important lesson) – the basis for teaching our children both manners and how to behave.
First of all I am happy that you have overcome the physical problems that afflicted you and I wish you all the best for the future.
It is commonly believed that in order to feel good, one should express any grievance. However, sometimes it can involve the risk of hurting the people around us, whether or not they are responsible for our state of mind. Or the risk of being involved.
It may seem counterintuitive to have to counteract the anger that could arise in us as a result of a provocation or a nastiness, but understanding how to talk to people with kindness, especially with those who are treating us badly, is the best weapon you can use to defend themselves and to put others back in their place in a brilliant way, maintaining elegance and grace.
This will also give us the satisfaction of having been able to resolve an annoying situation with the elegance that distinguishes us, making our moral superiority clear to the interlocutor and perhaps even giving him a life lesson, which can make him change his attitude in future social interactions.
This is such a lovely comment Aldo Delli Paoli…Thank you. Yes…if we can respond to aggression with kindness, it is more likely to douse the flames. Or we can meet fire with fire, where the situation is sure to escalate. Or, we can simply not respond at all, (turning the other cheek.) In any case, it is up to us to choose which battles are worth fighting. In this piece, I am generally referring to the internet ‘troll.’ There are a lot of sharks that swim in these waters. I just encourage people not to leave their blood in the water.
Thank you Ali…Yes, P’s and Q’s is a rather fun way saying, ‘mind your manners’…Something that seems to have been lost in the land of social media.
Thanks for the explanation Cyndi
Such an insightful post this is and all of us ought to read it Cyndi.
First, I am glad that you passed that heart scare. As scaring as it was it taught you a lesson that resulted in your excellent self-expression.
“But to this day, I believe it was the “release point” of all my imprisoned emotional pain.
That is what happens when we hold on to it. Our bodies serve as a storage facility for all our unfinished business. Eventually, we all need to do a deep dive into the emotional dumpster and purge!”
You explained this emotional burden so well. I value your approach to explain and share with us your experience.
I want to thank you also for introducing me to Mind your Ps and Qs because it is new to me. I found what it means, “mind your manners”, “mind your language”,