Americans have rarely been as polarized as they are today. We are a 50/50 country. Ironically, that may be one of the few things we agree upon.
According to the principle of polarity, everything is on a continuum and has a complementary opposite force. You can’t have a left without a right, conservatives without liberals, good without evil. We can’t experience love without hate, optimism without pessimism, or hope without despair.
Political theater capitalizes on absolutes and extremes. We are inundated with powerful reminders of the past juxtaposed with promises and threats for the future: rich rewards if the “right” person is elected or inevitable destruction if the “wrong” person is elected. Countless “us vs them” and “either/or” diatribes delivered with emotion are designed to tap into our deepest fears.
Every election has winners and losers, but this feels different. It’s more intense, more visceral. This election reveals how we feel about our friends and families, our communities and our country, and the kind of life we want to live. Some are hopeful for the future while others despair.
There is a significant difference between despair and hope. Despair is lonely and isolating. Hope involves connection and belonging. Other people can inspire hope by seeing possibilities that we may not be able to see. Despair traps us in me feelings. Hope liberates us in we feelings. Read:
By definition, despair is the absence of hope. But despair is also the precondition for hope. In this way, despair and hope are complementary polar forces of balance rather than antagonistic opposition. Contrary to how it feels, hope and despair are not “either/or” but both.
Hope is not the belief that everything will be okay, wishful thinking or optimism. Philosopher Byung-Chul Han explores the difference in his new book, The Spirit of Hope. He writes of optimism as “sheer positivity” without doubt or despair. Hope, on the other hand, emerges, often inexplicably, when there’s seemingly nothing to hope for. We cannot feel hopeful without first feeling despair.
Hope isn’t a denial of what is, but a belief that the current situation is not all that can be.
Neurologically, hope changes the brain. Neurotransmitters like dopamine are released when we pursue goals, creating feelings of happiness and motivation. It enhances activity in the prefrontal cortex and helps us build resilience. But hope is not an emotion. The late American psychologist Charles Snyder maintained that hope is a cognitive-behavioral process. He found that hopeful people do better in all areas of life, including physical and mental health because they trust their capacity to make things happen.
Snyder’s theory is based on the idea that hope is comprised of three key components: goals, pathways, and agency.
- Goals give us something to aim for and keep us motivated.
- Pathways are the strategies we create that empower us to reach those goals.
- Agency is the belief in our ability to act.
When we trust in ourselves and others to bring about change we desire, that’s when hope truly flourishes.
Brené Brown recently described her feelings about hope and despair this way:
“Despair is a claustrophobic feeling. It’s the emotion that says, ‘Nothing will ever change.’ It’s different than anger or sadness or grief. Despair is tinged with hopelessness. People who subscribe to power-over leadership often weaponize despair. They count on people giving up on themselves, their work, and each other.
The research shows that hope is a powerful antidote to despair. Right now, the thing that is helping the most is micro-dosing hope. I have no access to big hope right now, however, I am asking myself how I can support the people around me. The people on my team, in my community. How can I make sure that, in the maelstrom of my emotions, I stay committed to courage, kindness, and caring for others regardless of the choices made by others?”
So, when you are in despair, take notice. And remember that hope springs from despair.
When you are hopeful, take notice. Sometimes that little sliver of hope is all you’ve got. A micro-dose of hope that empowers you with a small sense of agency and control. A kind word. A moment of gratitude. Enough to keep looking for the next one.
As Brené Brown says, “Doing the smallest next right thing is hard AF, but sometimes it’s all we’ve got.”
Melissa: What a roller coaster ride we’ve been on! Anyone who knows my preferences & values understands a tiny bit about just how disappointed & even angry I’ve been since 11.5. Speaking of hope, I hoped, and had convinced myself, that the ‘good’ people of this country would surely follow their hearts and help us past this dark time. So, for me, the question is more relevant then ever: What are we to do when hope is ALL we have? That sounds a bit too desperate, but I’m sure many share that feeling. I guess I’m just tired of ‘muddling through’ and hoping for a renewal of the energy and optimism that marked large segments of my life. Did we really pass the 14th amendment? The 19th? Did we cure TB, polio, HIV/AIDS? Did we put humans on the moon? Grant our LGBTQ friends equal marriage rights? Give women agency over their own bodies? Winston Churchill once said “you can count on the Americans to do the right thing, but only after they’ve tried everything else.” I hope we’re in that post-trial period, and are ready to move on. Forgive the rant, I remain hopeful, despite it all.
Love this. You’ve shown me that I can move from despair to hope, albeit micro doses. I choose to believe that despair is short lived because we know the current situation isn’t what it could or should be. That leaves us with hope, which as the saying goes …springs eternal. We will move past this.
Melissa — You never fail to hit the nail on the head and deliver a message to the heart. I love that you present “hope” as having an action component—however small at first—that starts by reaffirming bonds with those closest to us. It would otherwise be easy for many of us to approach the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday with despair. Better to approach it with hope: what happened, happened. Now, we commit to action—however small at first. Thank you!
Jeff, thank you for taking the time to read and reflect. As I’ve learned a lot about the meaning of hope this week, I think my big take-away is that hope is often the smallest sliver, and that’s enough. The holidays are tough for a lot of folks in normal times. Your point about reaffirming bonds with those close to us is so important. Thank you!
Sometimes we are tired of what has been and what awaits us and worries us. To start again, move forward, a glimmer of hope helps.
We cannot lose the unique thing that keeps us alive: hope.
Despair, the absence of hope, is the inability to see ahead to a future that is worth meeting.
Hope means believing in a future of joy promised, is like receiving an advance of that joy and wanting to continue to get its fullness.
The reality is that without hope, concepts like vision, purpose, aim, objective, target, creativity, critical thinking, strategy, tactics, plan, development, aspiration, ambition, achievement, success, accomplishment, fulfillment, remedy, building, solution, results, education, and science would have no meaning.
I understand it’s not always easy to do it by yourself, but one can try!! And if we can do it with others we trust it is much, much simpler and more beautiful.
We should see hope as a direction in which we want to go, rather than considering it only as a judgment on the probability that something will happen. In short, a sort of “active hope”, which means acting and making choices in support of the version of the future that one hopes will come true.
Aldo, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I love how you frame hope as a “direction in which we want to go.” That implies movement, motion, action. Hope without action is little more than wishful thinking.
Thanks my friend; your kind words are appreciated.
Have a good weekend