MGTOW – Why Are Men Giving Up On Women And Going Their Own Way?

MGTOW is one of those acronyms that strikes fear into a woman’s heart.  Basically, it stands for: Men Going Their Own Way

I, as well as a lot of women I know, were baffled as to why men were making this decision.  To turn away from asking girls out, to not have relationships with them.  Why were men choosing to do this?

Over the years, particularly since the 1970s-80s, women have been taught to make themselves indispensable in the workplace, strived for equality in the home, and in the lives of their children, what was going wrong.  Why were men going their own way?

I threw such a humongous hissy-fit that everyone was frightened to approach me. Yes, I’m embarrassed to admit it. You see, when it came to chocolate, I was a horribly possessive woman.

Before I even attempt to offer an answer to the question, let me go back in time a bit – only as far back as the 1990s.  A time when I could eat all I wanted without putting on a pound when I had a ‘chocolate drawer’.  Once, one day, when I returned from a meeting with the Marketing Director (who, incidentally, I worked as an assistant for), where we were deciding what to do for the 75th Anniversary of end of the First World War, someone had taken a Kit-Kat from that drawer without asking and (oddly enough) I noticed it had vanished. I threw such a humongous hissy-fit that everyone was frightened to approach me. Yes, I’m embarrassed to admit it. You see, when it came to chocolate, I was a horribly possessive woman.  Looking back, if there was one thing I could change in my life, that one small, but passionate, episode would be it.  Most people would choose to change a decision they made on the wrong career path they took, or the house they bought, or the spouse they married… but mine, well, it was that childish hissy-fit.

“I know,” shaking my head in a, ‘I can’t believe I’m saying this’, type of tone, “I’m lucky.”

Who wouldn’t want to live a life where the only thing they would change in it was an overt emotional reaction to a stolen chocolate bar?

You see, over the years, I’ve heard (first hand) a lot of horrendously awful real-life tales. Upon choosing to carve another career path for myself – from PA (Personal Assistant) to CPA (Clinical Psychotherapeutic Assistant) – it was only natural I would be privileged enough to hear those types of tales.  For my sins, I decided to focus on gender – in a time when the politics of gender differences and similarities was such a rapidly changing field of study, it was (and is still) a full-time job in itself to keep pace.  At times, listening to their stories, I could not deny being shocked, amazed and baffled at the mountain of horrendously awful stories that spewed forth from folks’ mouths.

The weirdest thing was, when these individuals first walked in the room they seemed like perfect people with not a care in the world.  Excellent masks, I thought.  Of course, they thought something was ‘wrong’ with them and that they had to hide it.

The simple fact for most of them was that the idealised society they had been spoon-fed from birth hadn’t happened for them.  The macho lives they had been trained to expect, the goals they had been encouraged to aggressively accomplish, the shoot-em-up patriarchal thrill-fests from the TV/film industries they emulated and aspired to, simply hadn’t materialised.  They were not living the life they had wanted, dreamed of or desired.  In fact, in most cases, life had simply up and slapped them in the face and then some.

Thankfully, I didn’t see it that way.

What I saw in each of those horrendously awful life stories were slightly chipped china tea cups.  Admittedly, some of their cups had been knocked from the table onto the floor and had shattered into a million pieces. But my job was to help them pick up those sharp and, often, painful shards, find the right type of glue and help them put it all back together again.  That, and assist them to find a good enough reason to do so.

The thing is, everyone has a chip in their china.  It’s that chip that can stop someone braving the odds and jumping in, or going ‘over the top’, with not a care in the world.  If anything, this is rather like marketing yourself as a man.  Putting all your energy into putting yourself out there, is rather like stealing one of my chocolate bars.  Which is OK, if you’re confident enough to take the flak but, a lot of people aren’t like that.

Marketing yourself as a man in this modern age of strong female archetypes offers just a bit of a conundrum. 

It’s like listening to those negative voices about your wrong choices, over and over again and not finding any answers to counteract them. Let’s be honest, there’s a hell of a lot of testosterone floating around inside your brain and brawn and, while getting to grips with those terribly taunting voices between your ears, grabbing them tight and flinging them as far as they can be flung is hard.  A lot of men (and women) are told:

  • You are not good enough!
  • You could try better
  • You should do something else

Marketing yourself as a man is a tiny bit (just a fraction of a fractal of the immense power available in our brain) like being one of those soldiers in WW1.  Those poor young men stood in that muddy trench, wrapped in a wet and horribly fitting uniform, rifle in hand, helmet dripping from the rain and blood, hands trembling like buggery. They waited, hearts pounding, for the shrill of that well-rehearsed whistle to scream into the air and pierce their ears. They knew they were duty-bound to climb the rungs of that slippery wooden ladder and put their young heads over the top of that hell-hole of a trench.  They knew it would be a matter of time before a bullet with their name on it would find them.  If they were lucky.

It makes me weep to think of what they suffered.

But, what has a young soldier sitting in a muddy trench in WW1 got to do with chocolate and women? It was scary for a young boy of nineteen years of age (sometimes younger) to sit in those trenches. It took a tremendous amount of courage.  More courage than I will ever get to understand (hopefully).  And, certainly, more courage than it takes to ask a girl out.

Granted, today, on the 100th Anniversary of the end of World War 1, men have become so sick of the prerogative given to women who simply marry them to take all they’ve earned, that they’ve decided going it alone is a better option.  Houses, cars, money, kids, heart – all the things they’ve been taught to strive for, ripped to shreds.  Who wouldn’t retreat from fighting on a battlefield forged by the might of the legal system bent mostly in favour of a woman?

Thankfully, there are ways around this conundrum. If you really want to be with a woman and know she’s for real, I’ve written a few articles that may give a few valuable hints. Not just from a woman’s perspective, but from a psychotherapist’s too.

Are you ready for them?  Let’s take aim…

Kaye Bewley
Kaye Bewleyhttp://www.bewleybooksplus.com/
KAYE Bewley assists people get the best out of their life. After 30+ years in the media, marketing and military fields, she turned to psychology and spirituality. In combining the knowledge, skills and experience gathered from these areas she assists people get their own book in them, out. She also contributes to various local, national and international print and online magazines on a range of topics that include psychology, spirituality to gender in the workplace.
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Lynn Forrester-Pitocco

I will comment on this as gracefully as I can. First, great article!, and yet it is sad that men feel this way. I think if we could take the positives from the years given and combine them with the basics of the 50’s, family, God, good character, prayer (not necessarily in that order) things might look a little more uplifting in finding a woman that fits the mold. The path of feminism set the tone a long time ago. Although working in a male dominated field for nearly 22 years, I learned to keep my feminism intact, not attempting to compete with the male dominated career I was exposed to.

Olga
Olga

There is no reason to ask a woman you work with on a date. With dating apps and Meetup, you can meet people for whom if you break-up doesn’t lead to an awkward environment or risk of sexual harassment.

As a woman that subsidized my husband’s PhD, marriage is a financial risk for both parties. If women have children and the man leaves, the woman is often impoverished. Child support is based on income and there is an assumption that mothers can get a job.

We need to stop telling people fairy tails. There are no Prince Charmings princesses. We are people and we have our strengths and weaknesses.

There are women that also drop out of dating thinking men only want sex and nothing else.

A different thought
A different thought

You need to read John’s answer below. I am not sure if you understand the rise of MGTOW. But his answer might give you a clue.

John
John

If relationships and marriage were a business opportunity, from a man’s point of view they would fail a simple risk/reward assessment every time. A man marries a woman hoping she’ll never change; a woman marries a man hoping to change him. Both are inevitably disappointed. Add in the very real risk of being destroyed by family court or false allegations, and it’s a wonder any dating happens at all. Even if you stay married, you end up with an emotionally abusive woman trying to control every aspect of your life. And they won’t hesitate to use sexual manipulation, the silent treatment, and PMS to completely break you down.

Women created this unequal playing field, and it will be up to them to correct it. If a man tries, he will be ruthlessly accused of being misogynist. And besides, men have discovered that the free, single life is better for them. So it will be hard to convince them to come back. Women will need to fix this, but I’m not holding my breath.

Mike Bolton
Mike Bolton

Im 44. I own my own home, my own business, and Im alone. Why? Because EVERY SINGLE WOMAN I HAVE DATED IN THE PAST, ended up doing the exact same things.
1. They like spending others money.
2. All extremely selfish.
3. Only talk abour themselves
4. Manipulative.
5. Begin trying to use sex to get their way.
6. Seem to expect gifts, but I never was given nice gifts “just because”
7. Expect to be entertained, because not one of them had any hobbies, or frankly even any useful life skills.
8. Were all very open and loud about femanism, yet had zero desire to work, put in effort, or ever even considered sharing or paying a bill…
9. Ive also experienced a “fake pregnancy” to try to manipulate me into marriage, and a woman who… I shit you not… beat herself up and then said she would call the cops and say I did it… IF I DIDNT “FAKE RAPE HER” I called the cops.
I have no desire to deal with modern women any longer. They are mentally retarded large children, nothing more.

Reginald Coleman
Reginald Coleman

Top men going their own way it is reality for a lot of men and I don’t blame them because I am just about the same way trying to deal with women is a task at hand do you get nowhere with them but getting used for your resources getting manipulated get accused of sexual abuse and anything else you can think of so why should man even bother to deal with women and my eyes now when it all no more than sex objects and that’s even if you can get sex from them and they think we’re stupid but a lot of women act just like kids they don’t get the way they pal and are you with you fuss and fight what land wants to keep going to that and now it’s to the point with me where I just hate women I have no use for them at all I ignore them don’t even speak to him half the time and I would just feel like this probably for the rest of my life hating women.

R Brown
R Brown

Get some proof reading done prior to posting…

Anonymous
Anonymous

good for you neither do i .i honestly feel that dating women is a useless pursuit

Jay powell
Jay powell

Remember the conversation, it’s about men saying “why try when we know the circumstances” if some of the women in today’s society are worth marriage. Then why worrie on a man’s decision to go MGTOW. It’s a man’s decision to better himself. That’s all it really is, when we get in a serious relationship too soon we forget the things that are life goals. Having a Family is one if them but definitely not the first on the list. This is caused by men realizing that you don’t have to say “will you marry me just yet” ladies can sit on sideline if you choose to, if not stay out of the game. you don’t know the rules are want to learn them and asking them questions on why this is happening makes you not worth the time.

Mike
Mike

MGTOW strikes fear into a woman’s heart? Hardly. LOL. They don’t even notice. There will always be men to give it the old college try and sooner or later some of those men will be successful. Women may or may not be “forced” to be a little assertive but to be honest many women are giving up too. A lot of people(myself included)just aren’t taking it seriously anymore. Keeping our sanity is more important.

A different thought
A different thought

MGTOW may not strike fears in women’s hearts, but the feminists have for sure taken notice and they don’t like it. Men that go MGTOW are men that can no longer be manipulated. As long as married men are slaughtered through the family court system, it will feed MGTOW popularity.

Paul Nelson
Paul Nelson

There are long philosophical discussions on the subject of MGTOW. Most women will say it’s about selfish men not meeting their wife’s needs. The divorce rate is at 50% of the divorces 85% are filed by the wife.A recent survey showed that after 5 years of marriage 50% of wives no longer want to sleep with their husbands. 75% percent of wives are unhappy in the marriage. If a man gets divorced he will lose his house, his kids most of any money he has. He will pay child support even if he can prove one or more were fathered by another man ! So MGTOW means wives will no longer need to go though the horrors of marriage anymore !

Michael Wood
Michael Wood

I can say that i am now 40 and have a great career and i am looking forward to retiring at 57 i have a Home that is payed off my own car. And that is thanks to not being in a relationship. I have been in relation ships and i end up leaving because of the overwhelming manipulation i would go threw and the shaming that is thrown my way. I refuse to be treated in such a manner. I hear women say you do not understand me and i tell them i am trying… Why must i always try and not her why must i bend to her will and it is never for me the selfishness is astonishing. if i am in a relationship i am in 100% trying to make her happy and i can for a while until she get unhappy, If I do not know what the problem is i cant fix it.. Any way i am off topic I do not need the drama in my life I have chosen to just remain single and work on myself and i am relay happy. When i say happy i mean i wake up with a smile and i know whats going on in my house. MGTOW was the only way to find happiness.

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