Mean Girls

What am I most passionate about?  What do I care the most about?  What is it that makes me want to wake up in the morning and start my day.

People, people that are kind and caring.  People that respect me for who I am.  People who care about others.  When I think of the best of interactions it is with those I can be completely honest with.  That will be completely honest with me.  I respect that.

It angers me when people are treated unfairly.  There should be no reason that one person should be allowed to hurt another.  Whatever it is that needs to be accomplished, it does not need to be at the cost of someone else’s happiness.

I have had friends who have fallen victim to the “Mean Girl”, the “Bully”.  It takes a toll on them.  They retreat.  They have self-doubt.  They question their ability and their worth.  They may be crying in the bathroom, on the way to and from work, in any private place they can find.  They try to cope with the environment that is “mean” to them.  Ultimately they may escape from the company that does not address the “Mean Girl”.  It does not make it ok.

What makes up a “Mean Girl”?  Some women climb the corporate ladder doing it by shedding their femininity. They put on their manly suits, crop their hair just so, apply their make-up flawlessly, shake hands strongly and pull you close to display their power.  They have replicated the male persona in a female body.  They are feared by women and are applauded by men because “they get the job done”.  They will not have a crack in the armor as that would show weakness.  These women are the most dangerous to the success of women crashing through the glass ceiling.  They have sold out the values that make them women.  They have not taught the men at the top the value that a “true” woman viewpoint would bring to the table.  They are the reason for the lack of women at the top because they are not the majority they are the minority of what women are like as a whole.

So when I think of what I’m passionate about I think about the strong women I know.  You know what?  They cry, they get frustrated, they care about other people, they are the leaders of their household by default.

So when I think of what I’m passionate about I think about the strong women I know.  You know what?  They cry, they get frustrated, they care about other people, they are the leaders of their household by default.  They can identify the “Mean Girl” from a mile away and will steer clear so as to not cross their path.  They can bring her to the attention of others but rarely will anyone do anything to stop the “Mean Girl”.  Ultimately some may turn into these types of women just to try to survive but it will never be who they are.

So what would I love to see?  I would love to be able, to be honest and point these women out when I see them and let them be an example of what the majority of women don’t want the leadership to be comprised of.  I would love a man to agree that regardless of what that person gets accomplished that the price that is paid by those around them is too great.  That they are identified before they infect other women.

It’s not enough to talk about sexual abuse in the workplace.  That is one small part of the bigger picture.  The abuse that occurs from women on women is destructive.  The “cat fight” is not something that should be watched.  Women and men need to call out this type of behavior and ask for it to be addressed.  Yes, the way that men treat women is important but the applauding of women who treat other people poorly is more at the heart of why women don’t rise to the top.  They are the minority and they are beating the majority because the men in those leadership roles are welcoming them to the club.


Raissa Urdiales
Raissa Urdiales
Raissa lived most of her life along the shores of Lake Michigan in Wisconsin. She currently lives in the quiet city of Tega Cay, South Carolina, just across the border from the very active art community of Charlotte, North Carolina. Raissa has not always considered herself as an artist. She spent a great portion of her adult life staring into computer screens and managing computer system implementations and upgrades in the traditional corporate setting. It was through a chance paint night that she discovered her passion for painting. On her 51st birthday, she treated herself to some acrylic paints and brushes and has not stopped painting since. She balances her passion for creating with her day job as a systems analyst. In the wee hours of the morning, you will find her painting before she immerses herself in the technology that is consuming the world today. Although Raissa does not have formal training in the arts she is very conscious of the benefits it has on the human psyche. She holds a Bachelor's of Science majoring in Psychology where she focused her studies on Organizational Psychology. Through her corporate career, she has learned how to strike a balance between that which provides monetary reward and that which fulfills us as humans. For her, this balance is obtained through painting, writing, and exercise. She is currently a member of the Guild of Charlotte Artists where she exhibits select pieces during the quarterly art shows in and around the Charlotte Metropolitan Area. She has also submitted and is featured regularly in the Light Space & Time online gallery. When she is not painting or working with computer systems, she is writing. She currently has a column with BIZCATALYST 360° named “Artful Being” where she writes on topics both in and out of her corporate life to help others gain balance on what it is to be human.

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    • Thank you Lynn both for your comment and for your service as a person in blue. My mother taught me that we can be strong women capable of many things and we can also be women. We do not, and should not compromise our feminity. That in many ways our feminity is exactly what the world needs to make it a better place.

    • There are more sane and clear statements made by the average citizen that i hear lately compared to panels and news commentators and I often wish I could have one week on either. I never compromised my felinity will in uniform, but it did cost me many times. I was passed over in promotion with the list expiring just as they would get to my name. Great article!

  1. Some women believe that to get results they have to develop male qualities, attitudes and behavior.But when they reach the top of power and find themselves managing mixed groups, made up of men and women, they have to brush up other talents, typical of their kind, that they had to suffocate and put aside in the climb to power. And, very often, it is precisely the other women who claim it, refusing that profile built with so much effort on the male model, and claim from her qualities of empathy, support, sensitivity, open to others. They expect and demand those reactions and support that they would not require to their male counterparts.
    Personally, I believe in what women have inside: a talented all-female to pull out, combined with empathy and the ability to do more things together, mixed with a pinch of cunning that makes them able to achieve success.

    • Absolutely! Women do not do themselves justice if they are not true to who they are.