Managing The Hell Out Of Life – Part 4

Let’s change our reality

In public we only share a small portion of ourselves, let’s say 25% which represents the good bits we want people to see. That creates false illusions and unrealistic standards. Even with family and friends, I suspect we still only share around 50% of ourselves, the good and the wobbly bits.


Managing The Hell Out Of Life – Part 3

That can create mid-understandings and confusion in situations and around responses. It is only with ourselves that we share 100% and sometimes, even then, we lie to ourselves. That creates loneliness, isolation and a feeling of being lost. What if we can change reality by simply showing all of ourselves. Showing that it’s ok not to be ok. Tackling shame by shining a light on it and meeting it head-on with empathy and acceptance. Shatter our guilt by turning it into a lesson. Wouldn’t that be a better reality?

Ego and what people really think

An illustration of the inverse and unhelpful relationship between ego and judgement/people’s perception. An ego has an insatiable appetite for praise and attention. It also has an over-active, paranoid imagination of what it thinks other people are thinking. People spend far less time and energy thinking about us than we imagine. There is so much wasted space, time and energy in the middle. The only things that truly matter are what you actually need (not want) from the outside world, what you think of yourself and what the people that matter think of you – which by definition is good as it will come from love, empathy, and compassion. Just think how much more time we would have if we only focused on the 2 circles at either end of the spectrums!

There is only one thing worse than having yourself judged and that is having no self to judge.

–Nik Davis

There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about and that is not being talked about

–Oscar Wilde

We can apply the same principle to the sharing of ourselves. Without connecting with each other through empathy and vulnerability, how on earth do we move forward as a human race?

How can we create new knowledge without learning from and sharing with others?

How can we develop relationships without stepping out and saying hello?

How can we understand and help others without listening to them?

How can we mend what is broken if we don’t acknowledge that it is so?

So, taking Oscar Wilde as a starting point ” there is only one thing worse than having yourself judged and that is having no self”. Don’t let the fear of what people may or may not think of you stop you contributing your value to a world much in need of brave new thoughts, compassion, and understanding.

Work versus life balance

I do not believe we need to resolve the conflict between work v life balance. I do believe we need to re-define work in order to remove the artificial boundary between the two.

Simply put, we have a life to live and to make the best off given the hand we are dealt. Work may be a large or small part of that. What matters is whether work can add to the purpose and value in our life. If it can then the conflict no longer exists.


Nik Davis
Nik Davis
NIK DAVIS is a business transformation expert and has spent 20 years in the corporate world. Her comfort zone is order, logic and applying analytical tools to solve complex problems. She is also a keen observer of life, a writer and eccentric. Nik has recently returned to the world of work after taking a career break to spend time with her family. Upon her return, she found that her perspective had changed, as had the world she was returning to. Nik decided to carve out a new place in that world and mould some of it to fit her too. Nik sees life from quirky angles, shaped by experiences and the vast amount of knowledge we now have access to. She likes to write about her experiences and observations. To ‘tell it how it is’ and to find a more authentic way to live, whether in our professional or personal lives. Nik often talks about finding ‘The Third Way’. It’s a philosophy about life, having a personal life as well as a career, making money and being socially generous, being logical and sensitive, living by the rules of a society but not being afraid to challenge them, inspiring others to feel good but not for your own ego, giving rather than taking. Nik wants to make a difference to this world by getting people to see things differently, to try new ways of working but most of all, to re-discover our true selves and therefore reach our true potential. Nik also has two other persona’s: nikdavis which is where Nik writes about her deeply personal experiences of life. Nik runs a facebook group alongside this website to create a safe place for people to discuss the topics that are raised in her blog. Nik’s second persona is Lilly Isabella and this is where she shares her passion of fashion and design.

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  1. It is about questioning (with intellectual honesty) on the weight that work has, at the moment (our way of seeing work changes with age and with the life experiences we do) in our life. The weight that we attribute to it corresponds to the true meaning that work has for us, and only for us, that is, without external conditioning. We can attribute to the work various meanings: work as a job, job as a career, work as a vocation, work as a realization. These categories can overlap and we can change our mind and position throughout life. There are no right or wrong positions but it is up to us to decide how much our current work fits with one’s beliefs about the true meaning of one’s life. Each of us only has the power to identify himself or herself with what he/she does. Only by knowing what work means for us also allows us to look at our current reality and ask ourselves if the work we possess is what we need or if it is the case to orient ourselves towards new solutions.

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