There’s a little girl lost inside of me. How do I release my inner child from bondage, from fear, from believing she’s done something wrong, or she’s not good enough as she is. Release her from the obligation to serve anyone but herself. Allow her to see her; to love her; to be there for herself, to relish in the joy of just being a child. Normalize her world, balance her thoughts, allow her to become whoever or whatever she wants to be.
Release your restraints upon her. She is grown and still feels your ties, still feels your bondage, still lives in your purgatory. Heal my inner child’s heart, she shouldn’t have had to be your reflection, maintain your definition of perfection, dance to your drum, made to believe she was less than.
Back then life was about NOT growing as a person, not living life, not simply being. Being taught what not to do, not to be, not to say, not to have, not to love. The restraints on my life weren’t put there by me. I felt held back physically, held down mentally, held back emotionally. Stifled, shut-in, enslaved, held captive in my own home, my spirit, my mind, my body, and my soul. I just wanted to be free to do simple things, like go outside and gaze at the beauty of God’s workings in the sky without being scared, terrified, trembling with crippling fear.
The little girl in me sees all the bondages I broke free from and those that ignited curses from generations past. My mothering was not perfect, my love did not covet, my hope was dashed out. I have pushed through my brokenness for so long. I never realized while pushing through I also pushed aside help, friends, family, love, hope, grace, and peace.
I’ve got to stop. Peace be still. Allow the storm to fester. Take time in the darkness to soul search, heal, apologize, and think. I’ve got to breath. I have to breathe. Remember to breathe. I’ll never be free until I break these chains. I’ve got to set her free.
To the little girl in me, I see you, I hear you. I release you. Be free little girl, Lil’ Baby, Pooh. Be free, Valerie
I love you!