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Little Girl Lost

There’s a little girl lost inside of me. How do I release my inner child from bondage, from fear, from believing she’s done something wrong, or she’s not good enough as she is. Release her from the obligation to serve anyone but herself. Allow her to see her; to love her; to be there for herself, to relish in the joy of just being a child. Normalize her world, balance her thoughts, allow her to become whoever or whatever she wants to be.

Release your restraints upon her. She is grown and still feels your ties, still feels your bondage, still lives in your purgatory. Heal my inner child’s heart, she shouldn’t have had to be your reflection, maintain your definition of perfection, dance to your drum, made to believe she was less than.

Back then life was about NOT growing as a person, not living life, not simply being. Being taught what not to do, not to be, not to say, not to have, not to love. The restraints on my life weren’t put there by me. I felt held back physically, held down mentally, held back emotionally. Stifled, shut-in, enslaved, held captive in my own home, my spirit, my mind, my body, and my soul. I just wanted to be free to do simple things, like go outside and gaze at the beauty of God’s workings in the sky without being scared, terrified, trembling with crippling fear.

The little girl in me sees all the bondages I broke free from and those that ignited curses from generations past. My mothering was not perfect, my love did not covet, my hope was dashed out. I have pushed through my brokenness for so long. I never realized while pushing through I also pushed aside help, friends, family, love, hope, grace, and peace.

I’ve got to stop. Peace be still. Allow the storm to fester. Take time in the darkness to soul search, heal, apologize, and think. I’ve got to breath. I have to breathe. Remember to breathe. I’ll never be free until I break these chains. I’ve got to set her free.

To the little girl in me, I see you, I hear you. I release you. Be free little girl, Lil’ Baby, Pooh. Be free, Valerie

I love you!

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Valerie Collins
Valerie Collinshttps://mypoeticlifebook.wordpress.com/
Valerie Collins was born in Tucson, Az, the last of six children. She has loved writing since a child but decided to pursue a career in Orthopedic nursing. Shortly after her marriage and birth of her first child at the age of 22, she was diagnosed with the chronic pain disease, Fibromyalgia, its subsequent conditions, illnesses, and syndromes. Once the disease disabled her in 2001, she revisited her passion for writing poetry and short stories and has accumulated over 100 poems and spoken word pieces over the years. She became a member of the International Society of poets in 2002 and The International Who's Who in Poetry in 2006. She currently is a member of Realistic Poetry International, Who's Who Among American Business Women, and Women of Facebook Create. Her accolades include 2005 Poet of the Year. She was awarded both the Outstanding Achievement Award in Poetry and the Official Commemorative Poetry Ambassador Medal while serving as a Poetry Ambassador associate in 2007. She wrote a play entitled “Fix Me Jesus” in 2012 for Alabama 1st COGIC State AIM Youth Convention Competition drama category which was awarded second place. Currently, she is in rehearsals for her second stage play for the local playwright, Shawna D. Moore which will be on stage in August 2019. She is in the process of compiling a two-volume poetry book entitled My Poetic Life: A Memoir of Love and a book detailing her life with Fibromyalgia, entitled Behind the Walls of Silence. In July 2018, she created her first blog site My Poetic Life (The Book) as @vfurrmstheblogger to act as a launch for both books and it has taken on a life of its own. She also owns a small crochet business, Val's Gifts of Warmth, where she sells her handmade crochet items.

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8 CONVERSATIONS

  1. You spoke right to all the inner children inside of me through these words to your own. I see you. I hear you. I value you in your becoming, integrating what was lost and now can be found, treasured, and embraced. Thank you for this “I’m not alone” in having a “lost and found” little girl inside. “Be free.” (from all that pain and be free to create, dance, giggle and commune with nature) I’ve discovered it’s never too late to create a delightful childhood through an adult woman’s creative expressions.

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