Life is Not About Our Hair – Life’s About What’s in Our Hearts

People will usually forget what shoes you were wearing or what hairdo you had. People will not ever forget how you made them laugh. My variation on the Maya Angelou quote: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you saidpeople will forget what you didbut people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

I remember my daughter leaving for elementary school a few times without brushing her hair. I said nothing. I wanted her to enjoy life as a person, free of those concerns. She had great friends who she loved, and they cherished her. I knew how quickly peers in middle school would start focusing on the hair, the nails, the outfits. She and they did. To this day my daughter continues to enjoy high-quality friendships no matter what’s happening with her hair.

Yet, even now, maybe especially now, the fuss about appearance feels less important than cultivating the ways we show compassion to ourselves and one another.

For years I’ve known that the hair, skin, tattoos, jewelry, clothes, shoes, makeup remains only a tiny sliver of the entire story of who we are. Plus, the outer packaging changes over time. What gets to endure are our abilities to love, care, listen deeply, shed limiting beliefs, forgive, find our sense of humor, heal, overcome challenges, discover strength, resilience, and enduring courage.

The inside world matters even more than the ever-changing outside packaging. What makes any person beautiful is when that radiant inner being begins to glow consistently out into the world through all types of expressions of skills, talents, and creativity. And a genuine smile filled with pure joy and love transforms people’s faces.

I plan to continue creating and contributing. I intend to follow in the footsteps of a whole bunch of other people who kept sharing their passions till they keeled over, kicked the bucket, or permanently fell asleep in their bowl of Jell-O.

I heard this awful joke–a woman was in the hospital after having a heart attack. She said;

“God, am I going to live?” God said, “Yes, about 30 more years.” So while there she had a boob job, liposuction, Botox, hair implants…the whole “Make-over” thing. She left the hospital and was hit by an ambulance and died. Meeting later with God She asked a version of WTF? of God and God just said, “I didn’t recognize you.”

It’s not about our crazy hair, it’s about what’s in our hearts!

A special Shout Out of Cheers to us middle-aged –not living in the Middle Ages–ladies!! 🙂

May you continue cultivating your lively imagination and the qualities of your character—the contents of your person—inside out and finding this much more enjoyable than fussing about updo’s, lines in your neck, face, around your lips, the bird’s feet imprints AKA laugh lines…whatever. May you share your many beautiful expressions of love with our world.


Laura Staley
Laura Staley
The founder of Cherish Your World, Laura Staley passionately helps people thrive by guiding them to a holistic transformation of space, heart, mind, body, and soul. Laura knows that there’s a relationship between the conditions of our homes or workplaces and the quality of our lives. Trained and certified with the Western School of Feng Shui and seasoned by almost two decades of working with a variety of clients, Laura uses her intuition and expertise to empower her clients to produce remarkable results in their lives. Her trifecta of serving people includes speaking, writing, and compassionate listening. As a columnist, Laura writes personal essays focused on self-discovery, feng shui, emotional health, and transformations from the inside out. Laura is the published author of three books: Live Inspired, Let Go Courageously and Live with Love: Transform Your Life with Feng Shui, and the Cherish Your World Gift Book of 100 Tips to Enhance Your Home and Life. Prior to creating her company, Laura worked as a fulltime parent and an assistant professor at Ohio Wesleyan University. She earned a Ph.D. in political science from The Ohio State University. Her joys in life include laughing with loved ones, dancing, reading, meditating, running, being in nature, and listening to music she loves. She resides in Black Mountain, NC with lovable dog, Layla. Laura is a contributing author to the inspiring book Crappy to Happy: Sacred Stories of Transformational Joy

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  1. It is clear that, at first glance, physical appearance is our business card. But in the end, what pleases others is a series of characteristics that concern the personality: values, attitude, attention, our way of doing, etc. Yet many people don’t realize it, and their happiness depends on their physical appearance.
    but if we manage to realize that what matters is within us, our priorities may change.
    The true value of people is always in their essence, in their values ​​and in the way they treat others. It is in our behavior, in everything that shapes our personality. If we are able to realize that what matters is within us, we can finally abandon that dependence on “wanting to please”, the pursuit of compliments, the obsession with being beautiful, the frustration when we don’t like our body or it transforms in the years. At the end of the day, what gives us happiness is having a well-developed, stable personality with firm values ​​rather than appearance. The external appearance, in fact, is not at all stable, it changes every day and is lost over the years.

    • Beautiful and eloquent insights and reflections, Aldo. Thank you so much! I especially appreciate this: “At the end of the day, what gives us happiness is having a well-developed, stable personality with firm values rather than appearance.” May women, especially, all over the world experience the freedom of cultivating their inner passions, character qualities, and using their life force energy towards their dreams and desires. I appreciate all you have thoughtfully contributed to this discussion.

    • Oh, Ranjith, I’m so happy to know you enjoyed this essay! Thank you for your kind words and insights about our temporary hair-sometimes our lives-that dash between the dates- may seem like a blink of an eye! Stay vibrantly well!

  2. What is on the inside counts for sure, Laura. Thank you for highlighting this part of who we are because it matters – we matter. Our outward appearances do change and morph over time, and I believe what’s in our core can also shift as we navigate life. But how we treat others, what we say, how we react, those are where the impressions lie. We may only remember a hairstyle or an outfit when we look back at old pictures. Unless, of course, you were my Aunt Phinnie. Everyone remembered her hairstyle. She never changed it. But it was her character and keen ability to draw people in that I believe solidified the impression, in her case, her hair came a close second.

    Thank you for this piece, Laura, and for the reminder that what we carry inside is who exists within us.

    • Thank you so much, Laur, for this meaningful and insightful contribution to the discussion. Indeed, we do change over time in not only our physical appearance (with some exceptions like your Aunt Phinnie) but in our ways of treating ourselves and other people, in the ways we experience being alive-especially if we have committed to growth, self-discovery, lifelong learning, etc.. The inner shifts inform the outer expressions. I appreciate your insights and I appreciate you, Laura.

  3. Thank you so much for your thoughtful reflections and contributions to this discussion, Laurie. I think there often is this juncture at which we finally realize what’s really important about being alive, about being connected to other people, and it’s not about what we’ve been lead to believe it is. What a liberation to recognize that we can be free of body shame and place our life force energy focus on what we truly value about being alive. And Yes, I love how you stated it–“It’s all in your own perspective and gratitude.” YES!!

    • Thank you so much for that addition, Myriam and your kind words. I’m intrigued by what it would actually take for narcissists to shift, to heal, to transform. Not certain what would be involved to support the “mental/emotional” shift for a narcissist because often these individuals resist self-reflection with every cell in their bodies. It’s not ever about them…

    • Oh gosh I would happily sacrifice 5 years of my life if I could be sure to find the answer to your question and make a beloved person execute on it, in order to stop both their suffering and the harm they’re creating to everybody around them… I am making myself knowledgeable around the topic, and I’m guessing it will be one of my main concerns! I send you a DM btw 💙🧚‍♀️💜

  4. Wonderful point! This is what I’ve always looked at in people, their deeper story and personality.
    It is a sad state of affairs where especially women have bought into the idea that we can actually buy beauty! Personally there is nothing more beautiful than a person’s natural teeth-no one can outdo what God created. How we care for them is the biggest issue….
    Botox, implants, the whole thing is creepy and the scars are permanent.
    It all comes down to: They who do this to themselves don’t have a personality and are hoping no one notices or cares…
    This is a great article Laura

    • Thank you so much for all your kind and thoughtful words and insights and reflections, Laurie. Years ago I finally shed my own body dysmorphia and body shame. What a world of difference this made to freeing up my life force energy for my passions, creative expressions–to continue healing other worn out patterns and transform. When I watched the documentary, Embrace, I was floored that the body shame challenge for women (especially) was global! I thought it remained something unique to the USA. Can you imagine what could be unleashed in our world if every person shifted their energy and focus towards cultivating their passions, inner gifts, vision, purpose, their loves-what brought them joy in contribution and service to others (and care for themselves)? I believe we’d live in a whole new world… Thank you, again, for all you have offered here. I’m with you 100 percent. Even Mister Rogers would say, “I like you just the way you are.”

  5. Laura, great article! I loved the God quote, “I didn’t recognize you!” How many times have I run into an old friend and thought, “Wow, I never realized her lips were so full?” And then realized why she had not been in my life as much anymore, our priorities had changed. I think it’s fascinating to see how each of us has to make a choice at a certain juncture in our lives about whether we will try to cling to youth by using various purchased interventions, or if we will graciously embrace and accept all that goes with the gifts of another year on this earth. :-)) It’s all in you own perspective and gratitude. Thank you for your insights.