Growing up, so many careers looked great! I couldn’t pick just one! So I became a career counselor to help others along their career paths. I love it!
I never planned to spend 12 years tackling societal loneliness. I’m not a social worker or a researcher. Moving to Minnesota as a single person, I faced long winters alone inside. Looking back, that hibernation was boot camp for Covid quarantine! So began my deep dive into loneliness research.
In 2010, I met Dr. Jacqueline Olds, author of the groundbreaking book The Lonely American. Dr. Olds assured me that my Minnesota loneliness was not unique – it was a nationwide trend.
Hoping to make a difference, I launched my venture Plan B Connections. I started hosting workshops for unemployed job seekers about making meaningful social connections. It was their first workshop to address the loneliness and isolation of unemployment.
Then I connected individuals with new friends through hosting small group conversations, dinners, and volunteer events. Pete, a retiree in his 60s, regularly attended “for a feeling of community.” We became good friends. When Pete planned to move from Minnesota to Maine to live near his daughter, I asked where he was staying his last night in the Twin Cities. Pete planned to sleep on the floor – his furniture would be on its way to Maine. Not on my watch! He stayed in my guest room, we had a nice hearty breakfast, and there was a big bear hug to launch him on his new life chapter. Mission accomplished!
Pete’s story highlights my hacks for living alone and living connected:
1) We need to belong. Find your community.
2) Be genuinely interested in potential friends and see them often. Make “Norm!” camaraderie your norm! Frequency builds friendships.
3) Cultivate your life purpose. Your reason for getting out of bed daily is your “ikigai.” Leverage your purpose to make meaningful connections. Volunteering to host workshops and Meetups were my inroads to purpose. For ideas, check out Volunteer Match.
4) Write your evolving self-story of connection. Our social identities took a big hit during quarantine. Start writing a new social story. Joseph, my favorite Target cashier, always makes fun quips about my groceries – “Lasagna! This must be for Garfield!” I always look for his line. Journal about all of your connections including weaker social ties. Writing helps you savor your experiences. Your evolving self-story will strengthen your social wellness.
So… how am I walking my talk?
I’m networking with wonderful individuals on LinkedIn to find new ways to help individuals living alone. I’m developing a new Plan B Connections workshop for a large professional community. I’ve reached out to several nonprofits and friends who could use a helping hand. I journal daily about all my connections, savoring every single one. My evolving self-story highlights purpose, connections, and belonging.
Wishing you many meaningful connections in 2023!
Great problem to attack, Lisa. So many are afraid of – what?
Being found pathetic if they don’t have close friends?
Being hurt again?
Saying the wrong things?
Not knowing how to interact with people HERE – wherever here is – because they have come from THERE – wherever there is?
Don’t want to be committed?
Can’t square having friends with convenience? It is not always convenient to be a good friend. But it is usually worth the inconvenience.
It is easier to mitigate our fears or resistances if we know what they are.
Appreciated your article Lisa and it allowed me to stop and think of all the years I did live alone, nineteen total. But although I was alone, the one thing that kept me grounded was my faith in God and so as I have developed into a life now with my husband after all the lonely years I give that perspective to those I minister too. Still, as Aldo mentioned above, loneliness can strike anyone at any point in their lives.
Very good at suggesting ways to overcome loneliness.
Loneliness is not an abstract condition that affects only certain types of people. The truth is, feelings of loneliness can strike anyone at any point in their lives. Loneliness can be due to so many different factors and, in the long run, can affect both your emotional and physical health.