Friends, a title given to many and earned by few.
Many will come and go, change over time, use you for a purpose, and sadly, hurt you.
But in between those disappoints, there will always be the rare few who are truly a friend, they remain by your side through life’s up and downs, forgive you when you are an arse, help you up when you fall, sit with you in non-judgemental compassion, not being able to stop your pain but staying there all the same so you do not carry it alone and create genuine moments of joy, of laughter and of love, that last a lifetime.
And these are the people that matter. Genuine, authentic friends that see the genuine authentic you, with no hidden agenda or self-serving demands.
But sadly it’s often the friends that are not really friends that take our time and energy, that lead us to question ourselves, change to fit in, and generally feel a bit sh*t.
And despite our best intentions, we have all had them haven’t we?
The friend that gushes when they see you, tells you how much they love you, reminds you of how much you have shared, and says you must make time for one another and yet when you reach out to make that time, they are always too busy as their life that has no room for you. And then you randomly bump into them again and their gushing starts again and it’s just so sh*t because you know it’s just not true.
The friend who contacts you when you can serve a purpose, tells you how much they appreciate you, talks incessantly about their life, their woes, forgets to ask about yours or when they do, obviously gets bored before you have had a chance to talk and then despite promising that dinner that you really must have as it’s been so long, goes silent until the next time they need you.
The friend who you see regularly through interests or work. You share your worlds, always so much to talk about, and you check in on one other, you can never imagine it not being like that until that shared interest, place, or thing is removed and all of a sudden you are not so interesting to them and the time you always thought you would spend together is somehow no longer available and eventually you just get sick of asking because you know there will always be an excuse.
The friends who you bond with over a shared time of life, you face the same challenges, you come from a similar background, and they make your world feel safer, less alone, a comrade in arms. Until they are not as their social aspirations begin to bear fruition and you find yourself left off the guest list for important celebrations, an oversight you think until it happens so many times you realise you are not an oversight, but the sight not required in their world anymore.
And yes all of this hurts far more than it should because they were never really friends no matter how much they tried to convince you otherwise, so this is a reminder to celebrate our rare and authentic friends and to let the others go because life really is just too short.
With love
Nik x
