You will never fully feel like you belong in the world until you belong to yourself. I hadn’t even realised this was what was missing for me.
I didn’t even know ‘not belonging’ was a thing for me. I knew about the fear of not getting it right, or not being perfect. I knew about people pleasing to be a good girl. These became obvious years ago. And they’ve lightened and thinned until this year, they thinned so much, that they revealed what was hiding beneath them: a fear of not belonging.
I never knew!
It always seemed like I was comfortable in almost any context, that I was happy to be the welcoming one, the inclusive one, the one who helped put others at ease, and ensure they felt safe. To ensure they felt like they belonged….and I did, and do, enjoy doing this but…
Oh!
I was doing for others what I wanted for myself. It was simply so hidden I couldn’t see it. It was so out of conscious awareness that it wasn’t available for inclusion.
Then once it was seen, everything made sense! All the superficial ‘get it right’ behaviours made sense. All the ‘stay connected to people’ made sense. All the ‘fear of being seen’ made sense. They were all attempts to not be rejected or abandoned. They were all attempts to be included and belong.
But no amount of inclusion out there, and no amount of being in lovely groups that engender belonging, was ever going to compensate for the fear of not belonging within myself, deep in my system.
These outward experiences provided amazing doorways and beautiful reminders of what was available. But they could never replicate the real deal of turning towards myself and belonging to myself, for myself.
The real deal feels sooooo much better.
The real deal is you.
It’s the inclusion of yourself, for yourself.
Belonging to yourself, within yourself, for yourself.
Being the love for yourself in all the places that hold the hurt, pain and sadness of rejection.
If you want to feel the deep love of belonging to yourself, you must first turn towards all the places you’ve been avoiding to look.
If we replace the impulse to avoid uncomfortable feelings with a desire to face and explore them deeply, we find, at their heart, exactly what we were seeking by trying to avoid them.
~Rupert Spira
Much love, Helen
