It’s About “The What”, Not “The Who” (Part 2)

COUNTLESS-JOYS-by-Devaney-Rae-MastheadWhat Roots Feed the Blaming Epidemic?

Editor’s Note: See Part One of Devaney’s Series HERE

[su_dropcap style=”flat”]W[/su_dropcap]HEN LEADERS ALLOW “The Ugly” to continually prance its lying deceitfulness among the crowd, the best interests and well-being of everyone else is trampled. Furthermore, why would the carrier of “The Ugly” want to continue being a nasty carrier? Oftentimes, there are simple, yet sad reasons that include:

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  1. Fear of Loss of Control: while common sense tells us that we cannot control people and situations, fear is a crude taskmaster who perpetuates lies every day. Fear that is driven by deep insecurities will drag around the proverbial comfort blanket of a heavy bag full of donkey tails. Fear produces panic about the loss of control. Therefore, anyone who speaks across the barrier between fear’s lies and truth’s reality is fair game for being infected with some blaming donkey tails! The real ugly “Who” has a lot of false power.
  1. Refusal to Change Self: while most people know the personal behavioral areas they need to address, more people need to take responsibility and time to do the inner work of change. It is far easier to sling the puss of infected, sick behavior all over everyone else than it is to take the proverbial medicine that brings heart healing – the medicine of self-denial and honesty. The real ugly “Who” has a lot of false power.
  1. Denial of Truth: life has a way of stacking up defeats, losses, tragic events, and downright unjust occurrences when we refuse to deal with them. When someone hides their head in the sands of Fantasyland, refusing to deal with reality and truth, their collective brokenness becomes a breeding ground for epidemic bad behavior. Hurting people hurt people. Angry people anger people. Shame-filled people shame people. And, lying people lie about other people. The real ugly “Who” has a lot of false power.[/message][su_spacer]

Within each of these simple, yet sad reasons for continually serving as a carrier for “The Ugly”, there is a common thread: helplessness. When an adult feels helpless, the associated behaviors generally include a lot of slinging of nastiness. The most common nastiness includes the use of the blaming donkey tails. The very action of blaming provides the helpless person a false feeling of being in control – right back to operating within the confines of their lies. Unashamedly, their blame-game has a way of wrapping their insecurities in the fake blanket of counterfeit control. In reality, the insecure person is woefully out of control – both from within and from without!

ItsAboutTheWhatNotWho_Part2_ShutterstockPurchased-1Wrapping Up This Blame Thing

Blame has never, ever solved a single problem in the C-Suites of Fortune 500 companies; across the expanse of the business spectrum; in the smallest Mom and Pop shops; in the sacred pulpits of our churches; nor in the makeshift boardrooms and private bedrooms of our homes.

Yet, when leaders focus on the value, needs, and challenges of their people resources first, there is the opportunity to connect the power of responsibility with productive plans. This is because considering the best interests of people always provides a better probability for success within any process plans. As we know, processes work toward producing effective outcomes (over and over and over again), as this relates to an organization’s products and services. And, processes defined within a plan produce accountability; another quality that “The Ugly” vehemently dislikes. Accountability always puts a stop to the blaming donkey tail activity.

Interestingly, the same principle works beautifully within the heart of “The Ugly”. This is because the principle of connecting the power of responsibility with productive plans is wrapped up tightly in facts and reality – the truth. Ah, truth is a powerful cure and it will eventually win every time. Yet the cure requires leaders who will refuse to tolerate the epidemic behavior of “The Ugly”, in favor of embracing the power of responsibility. Hey, someone must stand up and speak truth into brokenness – even if it is from the safest possible vantage point. As a leader, be certain you are inoculated against the spewing barrage of lies that will grossly flow your way!

Oh, one more truth: there are three things that are embodied in breaking a behavioral epidemic – the Way (the plan), the Truth (facts and reality), and the Life-Light (creepy crawlers rarely thrive or survive in the Life-Light). Always Remember: nothing matters until the root matters of “The Ugly” are addressed at the root of “The (infectious) Who”. I guess it really is (in part) about “The Who”, just not the ones who are wearing all of the donkey tails!

Copyright 2016, Devaney Rae, L.L.C. All Rights Reserved.


Devaney Rae
Devaney Rae
Devaney’s professional background includes professional Business Development, Leadership, and Life on Purpose Coaching, along with Instructional Design Technology consulting for Training & Presentation Design. Devaney also provides professional consulting within Organizational/ Performance Management for business owners and decision-makers. Devaney also established Life On Purpose with Devaney Rae in early 2018 as a way to connect with others who want to Get From Where You Are Now To Where You Want to Be. This effort connects people with professional coaching and a variety of resources to establish business growth that includes learning to create and manage multiple streams of income. Devaney works one-on-one and in small groups with people to create their own Life Purpose Plan and to develop the correct Business Strategy for Growth. Then, she helps them bring the plan to life so each one can step into their ownMORE! She has enjoyed a successful career in Healthcare Administration, Chemical Manufacturing, Retail Sales, Marketing, and within the Non-Profit Business sectors. Devaney earned her Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration from Walden University and her Master’s degree in Instructional Design Technology for Professional Trainers from New York Institute of Technology. She also earned a degree in Dental Hygiene with license to practice in Texas and Louisiana. Devaney is a published author of the book, Countless Joys: The Place Beyond Tears (Westbow Press, 2015). The content is her story about how ordinary people are called to do “the extraordinary” in life. She has a passion for impacting others with life-giving hope, joy, and peace. Devaney established a non-profit organization, Countless Joys, Inc. in 2015. The mission of Countless Joys, Inc. is to Touch the Lives of Others with Joy. The specific focus is on Interrupting Human Trafficking of children and teenagers. Altogether, giving back to others is Devaney’s personal life mission and joy. Devaney makes her home in Franklin, Tennessee.

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  1. Devaney – Part 2 is as powerful as part 1. So many need to read and understand just how many problems could really be solved if we stopped looking for someone to blame and asked the simple question, “How have I contributed to the problem and what can I do to fix my behavior and thus, begin to fix the problem.” Keep raising your voice on this important issue. Thanks.

    • Thank you, Len, once again for following the series and for adding to the conversation. I know “you get it”! I truly do believe this message, if grabbed and applied by leaders, could change the dynamics in organizations and in personal lives. But, first, leaders must stop blaming others and pinning nasty donkey tails where they do not belong – and then justifying themselves about it all! 🙂 Pressing onward….

  2. I wish our current politicians – elected, hoping to be elected, and past elected would read this. The ribbon of insecurity runs deep, so deep it’s covered over with a whole lot of words that, even if you listen carefully, say nothing. The more time spent in blaming, the less time to invest in solutions that make a difference.

    • Thank you, Jane, for your truth-filled comments. It is especially true that a whole lot of words can really say nothing – in the end of that breath! This is truly an epidemic behavior among us. I want to be part of the change in the epidemic, thus my small part in speaking out. I am also speaking out about it within my own daily world – and I’m getting a lot of donkey tails pinned to my southern end that don’t belong to me. That’s okay; I’ll continue to speak truth into brokenness in hopes that the seeds of healing will at least be planted. 🙂 Appreciate you!

  3. Interestingly enough, I read this article and can pinpoint the date that I experienced the important aspects of this article. Not surprising that it is still happening today, sad but true. Thanks for the renewed enlightenment. Great part 2

    • Thank you, Lynn, for following the article through Part 2 and for you affirming comments. Yes, this is not an article about one person or one organization, sadly. It is truly a behavioral epidemic among us. I still believe wise, strong leaders can stand up and lead up to end this epidemic. 🙂