Is There A Link Between Fear And Love?

Alright, I think the time has come to clarify a topic I’m frequently talking about without getting a chance to go into details. So, the topic is:

Fear and Love cannot coexist in the same place, exactly like Day and Night.

Relationship with parents

If we are afraid of our parents, do we truly love them? Probably not… What are we feeling then toward them? Attachment. We are attached to:

  • The attention & affection they could provide us with.
  • Belonging to a family through them.
  • The idea of making them proud of us and to be validated.
  • Them supporting us and having our back in times of crisis.

Relationship with religions

So, when we are afraid of God’s punishment, do you feel like we could also be in love with our Divinity? I would be reluctant to the idea… So what is the nature of the feeling? Again, attachment yes; you guessed right! We’re rather attached to:

  • Being recognized as a religious person (sometimes wrongly associated with being a good one).
  • Belonging to the religious community.
  • Being ultimately rewarded for having been obedient.

Fear exists only when we are not yet fully loving ourselves.

Ego is the enemy of self-love. Think of it as a horizontal line where you have the ego on the left and the self-love on the right. People who are on the extreme left side are the most f*cked up, the most dangerous psychopaths, the ones who are completely disconnected from their inner world. The ones who are on the extreme right side are DIVINE (not sure whether someone has already reached this level, but I keep hoping!). In between, we will find people closer to darkness (ego) and others closer to brightness (self-love).

The subconscious program and the hostility of our life experiences determine our position in the continuum.

Imagine a needle now. The more we become self-aware, show bravery, work on re-writing our distorted subconscious program, the more this needle moves from the left to the right.

What does this mean?

The direct outcome of such a self-development serious journey is gradually reconnecting with our core part, killing our insecurities and shame shields we’ve built, and most importantly releasing genuine love first for ourselves, and second for others and the Universe!

You could be tempted to ask about how to become self-aware, and this would be a legitimate question. So, let’s first start from the beginning! What is the definition of the word ‘self-awareness’? Self-awareness is a unique human endowment that gives us the possibility to think about our very thought process. Now, why is that so difficult to make use of this self-awareness? Simply because the conscious mind responsible for self-awareness is too slow comparing to the subconscious mind.

Let me give you an idea: the conscious mind operates at 40 bits per sec, while the subconscious mind speed reaches 40 MILLION bits per sec. No — your eyes are not playing tricks on you! This, according to some serious studies, is leading to operating from our subconscious program — or what some of you are probably familiar with calling on auto-pilot mode at, at least, 90% of our day. And, this is not even the only constraint; can you believe it? “That sucks!” Yeah, that was what I told myself when discovering it as well! So, the second big constraint is how both minds are learning: while the conscious mind is creative, the subconscious mind is habitual.

A quick sample of this could be when we all learned the alphabet. We repeated it again and again…and again until we could finally memorize it! If somebody asks us like now to say it, we will do it automatically without making any single effort.

What is that supposed to mean? Well, simply that we gotta make of the self-awareness exercise a daily habit.

Here, you might wanna ask another question. How can I fight the speed constraint, get out of my anxious mind, and have access to this flow state where I can really be self-aware in the first place? Well, you’ll need to help yourself with some meditation in the very beginning. Slowly but surely, you will develop the ability to analyze your thoughts & behaviors and how much they are aligned with the ‘Universal Correct Principles’ naturally in no time. If this isn’t amazing!

I’m leaving it to you to decide whether it is worth it.


Myriam Ben Salem
Myriam Ben Salem
I am deeply passionate about everything life has to offer. Writing has been my very favorite means to educate my audience, captivate their attention, talk to their emotions, and make them relate and take action. I have been honored by working as a columnist for BIZCATALYST 360°, an Award-Winning life, culture, and biz new media digest, serving as the global hub for enhanced performance and well-being, during 2020. Also, I am a contributing author in Mayhem to Miracles: True Stories of Courage, Triumph, and Peace. I am so in love with writing that I have a peaceful smile drawn on my face whenever I start visualizing the books I will be writing for whoever will be tempted to discover an inclusive philosophy breaking with all the stigmas! I was born in Tunisia, a small country in North Africa. I did pretty much everything earlier than the average: walking, talking, singing, dancing. Promoted throughout my entire education, I was also the leader of every end-of-year party. At some point, after working several years for multinational companies as an engineer, team leader, project coordinator, and product owner while always being a top performer, I figured out I was feeling miserable despite the 'perfect external image'. That marked the starting point of an existential crisis followed by an episode that triggered my re-birth and the beginning of the most rewarding adventure of my whole existence: re-writing my subconscious program and reconnecting with my true self. I was saved at the last moment through an out-of-body experience making me see all the lies, realize this gigantic Universe was not revolving around me. Most importantly, I was able to visualize I was here to leave a legacy like all of you, no matter how big or small! The butterfly took time to emerge though. Today, I identify myself as a Universal Citizen. Like-minded and light-hearted people are what I call home. I am deeply passionate about everything life has to offer, and was granted the edutainer qualifier: a combination between education and entertainment! I educate on the importance of healing unsuspected traumas, seeing our limiting beliefs and biases with honest lenses, finding one's purpose and a principled mission that goes beyond the self, and unleashing the hidden potential so that to leave our legacy for the generations unborn. I have been using a panoply of means that could vary from explicit ones such as mentorship, speaking, and writing, a skill that emerged naturally during my self-actualization process to implicit mediums like storytelling, how I daily show up in the world and model servant leadership! Writing is my very favorite and most preferred tool deployed for my mission. The topics I explore are in the nexus of stoic philosophy, psychology, neuroplasticity, epigenetics, and pretty much any topic involving human behavior. Common denominator? The quality of the subconscious program. You may have a look at some of my works published on my website; Set Yourself Free.

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  1. Heyyy dear Mac! Thanks for stopping by, and for sharing your valuable insights! And, yes I do agree with what you’re stipulating when it comes to the big picture! ☺️

    That’s specifically why there is a vertical line and a needle going from the left (100% sick ego | fear) to the right (100% healthy ego | love).

    The coexistence concept was rather meant to confuse the audience a bit — which I might have succeeded in doing– before taking care of explaining myself through the samples (our relationship with our caregivers and what we believe in spiritually).

    Btw, Sapiens was the last book I read! So yes, I have an idea about our ancestors and need to admit I don’t like what I discovered!

    But that’s why I love to believe we’re currently living in the enlightnment emerging era where we finally start to recognize the power of the pineal gland making of those who allow themselves to listen to the call way more evolved than our purely physical ancestors. This was an interesting source about the topic:

  2. Thanks, Myriam.
    We’re confluent rather than congruent, I think. I think fear and love can cohabit the same stream, as it were. As we progress and re-program, the second dominates and yet there is a basal program about fear that persists. For most of the human story, we’ve been hunters and gatherers but also prey animals. Maybe we can evolve into pray animals, but that takes time and enough love to forgive ourselves. Here’s a snack for thought:
    Be good. And well.