In The Heartbreak

As I sit here early on a still quiet Sunday drinking my coffee, I sit here in amazement at the depth of loss and grief.  To those innumerable people sharing their moments of loss, while attempting to grasp the enormity of what’s next?  How will I cope?  How will I get through the next moment let alone to the next day?

Have you been there?

Imagine the spectrum. Knowing that there is a moment that you, your loved one, dearest friend, child, admired colleague, or notable personality that has meant so much to you dies.  Some from natural causes, some from terminal disease, some from violence, or some by their own hand. We each struggle to make sense in those moments.  Attempting to abate the loss through deflection or rejection.

During the last, I sat in my own loss bubble and rejected the realities of the heartbreak that I experienced.  I replaced it with people, things, emotions, and numbing agents that only postponed the reality of heartbreak.

I sat with others in grief recovery as their leader never truly healing my own fully. I sat in the heartbreak, surrounded, enveloped, and grieving not yet giving in to it. It was juxtaposition or more to the point a dichotomy within that struggled to push away the heartbreak, but the walls crashed in again and again. It wasn’t until the walls shattered and came down that I was able to recognize the heartbreak and accept it.

Facing loss finally.  It was neither the loss of my Dad due to cancer nor my daughter’s suicide that finally led me to acceptance of the heartbreak, but rather it was time.  Time that had passed with perspective gained. Recalling a film about when a woman was faced with a character that was death, she welcomed in, for she did not fear him. It was that way for me in facing heartbreak, it was unwelcome, intrusive mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, and I wanted no part with it.

It was a letter of forgiveness to my daughter, then to myself, and then to each of my family members that I had affected and hurt by actions or inactions.

You cannot make truly make amends for heartbreak other than taking ownership, accountability, and acknowledging your part within the heartbreak.

You’re in the heartbreak. You sit down across from it, pour a cup of coffee and say ok, I am finally ready to talk with you.  What do I need to learn? How do I embrace you and not loss myself to the darkness? How do I go forward with the vast emptiness that I feel within?

You allow.

You allow others in once more.

You do not push away, you embrace, accept, extend, and love more deeply.

The first is you, forgive, love, and embrace all of who you are.  In your imperfection, through your stubborn pride, throw away doubt, fear, and embrace the courage to do hard things.

You reach out and embrace others who are also in need, for in helping them heal you heal more each day.  It is not through sympathy, but by empathy through the strength of knowing, seeing through shared experience, and embracing them as kindred.  It is the soul connection that heals.

You sit in the heartbreak with others not as knowing all, but rather as someone who sits alongside a wounded equal sustaining one another. It is within person that we align our souls with as kindred and wounded souls where we can experience the most amazing healing through shared experience and the abiding love of family reimagined.


Brad Burchnell
Brad Burchnell
Brad Burchnell is the Founder and Chief Heartset Officer/Coach of From My Heart to Yours, LLC located in Roseville, MI, where her provides his presence, compassion, empathy, intent, and integrity to assisting his individual clients to realize a renewed heartset and mindset that leads them to a deep sense of peace and joy. His corporate client offerings include emotional intelligence training and business transformation for a healthier bottom line with improved employee engagement and participation Brad has a diverse background of writing, collaborative efforts, and being featured in such works as; Journey Well; You are more than enough by Mariah and Byron Edington; Lightbulb Moments: Through the Eyes of Men – Terrifying, Traumatic, Triumphant - Stories of Hope a collection by Kerrie Atherton; From My Heart To Yours – I am Not My Mistakes – by Brad Burchell, and; Numerous Podcasts and Livestreaming events. He has served in leadership that includes serving in the US Navy as a Chief Petty Officer in the field of Meteorology and Oceanography for 15 years, Senior positions in manufacturing that included him serving as the onsite Senior Executive of a $4.5 million operation, and also serving as a leader and assistant leader of a faith-based grief support for over seven years. He is a graduate of Fresno State University where he received his Bachelor’s Degree in Industrial Technology, Manufacturing, as well as, post-graduate work in the field of counseling from Trinity College of the Bible and Theological Seminary. He is blessed with a son-in-law married to his oldest surviving daughter and grandson, and his youngest daughter is seeking a Master’s Degree at Grand Rapids Theological Seminary.

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  1. I really needed to read this. I am one that shut out the death of my parents and two oldest brothers. Refusing to deal with it or accept it. And I know I need to move on but I can’t until I deal with it. And for me I believe it starts with a letter to each of them and allow myself to feel again to let people in. Thanks so much for this article