In That Moment of Grey …

From the window, she could see the grey pavement of the road as it portrayed her thoughts of grey! The direction of whomever travelled the road as it brought travelers to where they were coming or going. It was the means for which destinations were sought…to those who travelled.. but not to her. It was the harsh association of not knowing where she was going and not knowing where to go, how to get there and at what cost. The lonely tear held back as the fear of a waterfall might follow. She twisted the frown that wanted to be there into a forced smiling grin. She was fighting hard to find herself and it was the hardest of any battle she had ever heard of or lived.

This battle was hard, as she had endured too much. She feels like a shell, empty in the sea.. the overwhelming sea of humanity.

Turning her gaze from the road she felt the anguish of fear and gripping anxiety that always followed. She begged and pleaded for it to go away. Constantly looking for distraction to ease the pain of nothing. Nothing was in her hands. Nothing was in her heart, and nothing was felt by her soul.  She only knew that she was here on the road.  Her only possession was her thoughts. Her heart was robbed of bliss. Her sorrows were overwhelming. She had lived a nightmare and has survived for what?  This she fumbled within her mind! Yes! Within her mind…and whispered to herself… ”Oh, sweet death I fear thee not, but it is my fear that has begot.” Thinking! Always thinking. Trying hard the methods of distraction amid her turmoil. This battle was hard, as she had endured too much. She feels like a shell, empty in the sea.. the overwhelming sea of humanity. There are so many shells and each completely different….but united in the waves of the ocean. Oh, where did she belong?

There is no rewind and there is no stop for time. It is there. It is constant.

It helps for a moment in time…Ahhh? Time!  Yes. It can be the enemy of many and of great value to others. In itself, time has no deadline and yet it sustains a myriad of complexities. It passes with the waves…silently seeking refuge in hope and seldom thanked for. Time can heal or it can kill as we have heard in many acronyms of speech. “This to shall pass”, to comfort the sad and lonely. “Killing time”, so it will pass. “Time heals” or “Time flies”.  Oh so much to offer.  Does anyone really know the time? The perception of time and all its critical meanings of when something of substance is measured.. except..of the person living in the moment called “Now”. The real time. What is now.. then gone and now again, over and over. There is no rewind and there is no stop for time. It is there. It is constant. Its rate is different to each and every one. “The universe has its own clock, and we all have a different time.” #opism

Time seems to take longer when one needs to heal and it slips by faster when one is happy.  Amazing!  Stepping back in a moment of time can help one observe and appreciate its very essence. The lesson of time is being aware that it exists and appreciating what it has to offer.

This woman sitting in a moment of time. Lifting her head she sees the road again…

Flashbacks, history, memories and more. Mixed emotional folds of pain and the soft realization that she was being tortured in the most grotesque of methods…have brought her to this road. The unravelling of suppressed memories began to emit a sense of the torture endured and the timing of not being able to let it out when it happened.  To acknowledge, accept and forgive. To learn and let go. This part she did not know. The time to move out of the fear and onto the road. The road leading to recovery, to hope, to faith and to health in all forms.  It took time to bring her down but she realized now there was time to build herself up again.

Like falling down. You hit the ground and for a split moment in time your brain does a scan of the damage and then decides if you are able to move. This moment is as diverse as the human population. It is affected by the factors that brought you to this fall and measured so accordingly. Every one of us falls differently. It is at this very moment in time, right here…when you hit the pavement that you meet your soul and find hope. if it is there at all. The time it takes is different for all. It is here we don’t really think of it at all.  Eventually, though, it will be apparent, that if you have substance, it really does matter!

It all comes down to what’s inside of you!  How deeply buried or how close to you. The brain will keep looking for a way to get up. It is a problem solver.  It doesn’t know it can’t. It’s just a brain.

The heart beats. The body tries. Thoughts in the mind are the power here. Thoughts are the tools that challenge the brain!  When you hit the pavement, and hit it really hard, right there, that moment, remember this! If you feel the hurt, you can feel the good. A momentary lapse of reason will be at your mind’s door.  Do not let it in!

Searching through her tools she began to panic. What did she need? What did she have? How could she get it? Questioning how to use what she had and why even bother. The overriding power of the negative was to easy to submit to, but the thought of not moving was even more oppressive to her. Thus the two negatives a positive forms. The need for better. The want for better. The passion and determination for better. If it is there, the positive can win even when you think you have no reason to get up. Intervene with words of love.  Arm yourself with words of strength.  Slowly rise and emphasize. You matter!

This woman sitting in a moment of time. Lifting her head she sees the road again… There is a bird fleeting, looking about, fluttering, moving, singing sweetly. It resonates with her… hope.. she smiles and decides its time to travel…..