“Tell a person ‘Thank you,’ and they’ll hear you. Show a person appreciation, and they’ll feel you.”
–Lynda Colter-Bergh
How do you connect with others at a deeper level – your clients, your coworkers, your family, your friends, and ultimately, yourself?
Most of us live in a fast-paced, stress-filled world. We see where our politics and planet are heading, and most of us are unhappy about it and feeling a little powerless. You, however, are not powerless. You can make a difference every day by demonstrating appreciation.
Conscious Levels of appreciation
Our ability to express appreciation directly affects our internal and external world.
Before you can feel and demonstrate appreciation, you must first be mindful of your surroundings, your interactions, and your state of mind. How can you be appreciative if you aren’t aware of your world? Practicing mindfulness is the prerequisite for appreciation.
Level 1: None (Apathy/Inconsideration)
Traits
Lack of appreciation appears in many ways such as criticizing, rudeness, ungratefulness, apathy, entitlement, detachment, or feeling or expressing nothing is ever good enough.
Going Deep
Compassion and discernment are essential when working with someone who shows no appreciation. We don’t know what they are dealing with, how they were raised, or their state of mind. Often times, this reflects their inner critic and self-judging. The extreme can be someone who is narcissistic or sociopathic.
Skills to Use
It can be hard to show appreciation towards someone who doesn’t appreciate you. Discern, as best you can, where on this scale they lie. To be frank, having dealt with sociopaths, as soon as I discover someone falls into this realm – not always easy to do – I distance myself from them physically, energetically, and socially.
However, the further on this scale they move towards self-judging, the more you have the opportunity to demonstrate compassion for self and others through your own acts of appreciation. Your intent is not to change the other person. It is to change your response to them.
If you find yourself at this level, ask yourself if you ever feel unappreciated or judged. See if you can correlate the absence of appreciation in your life, including of yourself, with your lack of appreciation for others. (Hint: It’s easy to brush it off as being distracted. I challenge you to dig deeper.)
Level 2: Internal Acknowledgement
Traits
“That was nice.” You say the words and it ends there. This is still positive. The act of gratitude is essential to a happy life. You may or may not have the opportunity to express that gratitude. Just the thought of gratitude raises your frequency.
Going Deep
We are not mind readers. Others may feel appreciation but have difficulty expressing it. It could feel awkward or be a behavior learned from childhood. It could be distractions can shift a person from mindfulness and interrupt the external expression of gratitude.
Skills to Use
Benefit of the doubt when dealing with someone else allows you to focus on your actions and not theirs. If you have a difficult time expressing externally, but feel gratitude, practice sharing it through journaling or by finding comfortable ways for you to express it. If you find you had the intent, but didn’t follow through, create a system to help remind you to take action.
Levels 3-5: External Expression
These three levels ratchet up your investment in demonstrating your appreciation. With each level, you are engaging the recipient more deeply in their world, in what is important to them.
READ MORE AT WOMEN’S VOICES MAGAZINE
I like your message, Lynda. One of the most powerful, life-changing acts is living as if we are thankful for everything. We might have to dig through a lot of junk before we find it, but If we look for the good we are sure to find something to be grateful for.