Okay, you’ve been learning about Charisma for 7 episodes so far. You’re starting to grasp the key concepts and maybe you are even starting to take some of what you learned and apply it to new or existing relationships.
First of all, let me say, “Bravo!” It takes a lot of courage to try something new and risk failing or looking foolish. I admire that immensely. Pat on the back: DONE! Now let’s get back to work.
So let’s say you are making a shift to get into the right state of being, which is a relaxed one. You are sensing what is needed most emotionally and you are delivering it to the person. Or at least you think you are doing all these things.
You may be wondering at some point, “How will I know if it is working?” Great question! Allow me to share a piece of Charisma Technology with you.
The Charisma Barometer (a.k.a. the 3 L’s)
There are three telltale signs that you are making an emotional connection with someone and moving them emotionally to a good place..
The Lean
When you are deeply connecting to someone, you’ll notice an almost imperceptible movement of their body towards yours. Not a Leaning Tower of Pisa type of lean. It’s more subtle, but if you look for it, you will notice it. They will not necessarily invade your socially acceptable personal space, but they will move closer to you than where they were before. This sort of shift, as well as other body language “tells” speak volumes and way more than words.
The Laugh
This need not always be a literal laugh. Think of it as a lightening of the soul, playfulness, or an increase in joy. Note this can happen even while dealing with totally serious and grave matters and connecting and staying serious. There is a feeling of unburdening because you are now sharing a burden together. And of course, a literal laugh during a more light-hearted interaction is always a good sign.
The Look
A person’s lips can lie, but it is a lot harder for their eyes. Where a person’s eyes are focused show where they are focused. If they are looking at you, this shows engagement and focus on you and the connection you are developing. If they are looking somewhere else or seem to be lost in their own thoughts, you are not connected or are losing them. Now here’s something amazing I just noticed the other day! When you are having a great interaction and your charisma is strong, when you part the other person will sort of slightly look up, then give a little head bob (like after you just had a great meal or dessert). This is a telltale sign that you just had a really great interaction. They are thinking something to the effect of, “WOW, that was a surprisingly great interaction. Who is that person? And why can’t more people be like that?”
The best thing about charisma is the effect lasts way beyond the moment it was generated. You will remain in their thoughts long past the time you are no longer in physical proximity and they will be drawn to you. Make no mistake, what you gave them is so rare in this world. We all seek that sort of bond. It is intoxicating.
Now go forth and use your new power responsibly!
Joe — Curious here about “the lean.” Since much of our interactions these days is virtual, what are some positive signs of the virtual “lean”? For example, I’m responding to your article. I’m not just clicking “like” or “clapping,” I’m attempting to take the conversation slightly deeper by asking a question that goes beyond what you wrote. Is that an example of the virtual “lean”? Keep writing, my charismatic friend!
Jeff, that is a great question, which I hadn’t thought about. You could also extend this to the phone, which is used less these days in favor of texting. Your example if definitely an instamce of the “lean.” I think it comes in degrees, so a like is a minimal lean, where a thoughtful question like yours signals something more significant. Thanks!