I used to be a complete control freak. It came with my nice-girl complex. Always trying to be the best, to make sure everything was on point. Don`t get me wrong, being a high achiever is ok. Working towards a goal is fantastic. Spending your life chasing perfection in every situation is not. It will drain your mojo and completely suck you dry. It will leave you stressed out, locked in your mind, and always feeling you are chasing something. You are. Not how you want to spend most of your time.
Even after my crash, my complete disability, I wanted to stay on my current path of ignorance and hunger for validation. I studied journalism while throwing up between classes. I was sure I had the right idea of what the rest of my life would look like, and that it was the best view for me and my ego. I was convinced that I could force my destiny if I only used enough strength and persistence. I could not. We cannot. We are too narrow-minded, stubborn and out of sync with who we really are. We need to let flow and let God as we say. Step aside and know when it is time to surrender. The Universe and God gifted me with a gem larger and brighter than I could have ever imagined. I surrendered to the rest of my life. I let go of the need to attach myself to any outcome. I know that following my passion and working hard will be enough. I know that serving and living with gratefulness and eagerness in my heart will always take me to where I need to go.
Like the weather, our lives will change. It can blow a storm overnight, or feel like an endless rainy day. All we can do is to flow with it, change our clothes, be prepared, plan and enjoy. In the same way, we cannot control the weather, we cannot control our lives. We can go with the flow, plan ahead, enjoy every day, and know that there is always sunshine behind every cloud.
Stop being a control freak:
Take a close look at your life, and see how you are trying to control the different aspects of it. Look at how you are pounding on closed doors, stressed out if things don’t go your way. How are you handling other`s shortcomings or methods of planning and living?
How are you trying to ensure what you perceive as success, in every situation? If things are not the way you like them, do you panic? If plans are changed at the last minute, do you freak out? Do you micro-plan everything, every little detail? It makes you feel safe, secure.
- Control is always rooted in fear. It represents an addiction to security. What better way to ensure that you are safe than being able to plan every little detail, and to be confident that nothing “goes wrong”. There is no better way to make sure you look good, feel good and have everything you believe that you need, then by controlling as much as possible. The fear of exposure, of unexpected events, are overwhelming for a control freak. They are happy when everything is in order, and when everything is done the right way. Their way.
- You don’t have to be Miss or Mr. Perfect. There is no such thing. Get over it. We try to control things because of what we think will happen if we don’t. What happens if we fail, if we miss the boat, if not everybody shows up for the event, or if the car is not clean before picking up your boss? What happens if you lose a business deal or a client? What happens if things simply fall apart and get messy? A control freak will feel like a complete failure. They carry every outcome on their shoulders. A heavy load to carry. Imagine being responsible for everything around you, not only in your own business but in everybody`s business. How many businesses can one have? A countless amount. Although a controlling person is mostly concerned with those that affects and will reflect back on them. It does not all have to do with honor and not wanting to show weakness. It also has to do with order, and not having to be subject to sudden change in plans. You cannot control sudden changes. Let go of the need for everything to look and be perfect, it never will be anyway. And you, if you keep trying, will miss out on all the fun of flowing freely through life.
- You don’t have to be right. Realize that you don´t know what is best all time. Being right is overrated. Who cares about who is right or not? Even changing your mind is ok. Nothing stays the same. Change is constant. Sometimes what we believed to be right, is not, and a redirection is necessary. Nothing to get stressed out about. It is life. Get used to not knowing it all. You don`t.
- Listen to others, they might have a smart idea or two. You are not the only one with a brain and a good idea. Let them shine. Practice stepping aside in one area of your life, and observe what happens. You might get anxious at first, but it might also give you some freedom to play. Our way is never the only way. Look at your standard, and surround yourself with people that have a similar standard as you. Often we try to compensate and end up controlling the outcome of any task that is not heading in the direction of our standard. Step aside and let others have a say. Let them come forth with their own opinion and suggestions.
- You will live. You don´t have to micromanage the whole Universe. Day and night will come, the sun will rise and you will live. No matter what happens around you, even chaos, you will live through it. Nothing is more important than your ability to trust life and your path. Connect with your own inner knowing, and surrender to the fact that you have no idea what will happen for the rest of your life. It is uncontrollable. All you can do is to direct your visions, thoughts, emotions, and actions in the direction that you chose. Then, sit back and allow. Enjoy the ride as you surrender to life.
Loosen up and let go of the outcome. Don`t take life so seriously, it is soon over. In the meantime, don´t miss out by holding on to holding on.
Don`t confuse being a control freak and a half-crazy; “let me control not only me but everybody`s business”, with taking charge of your life. You are in charge. That front seat can never be given away, not really. You are always responsible. When you are driving your car you better be in control. You better keep your own hands on that wheel. You better stay focused and alert.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.”
–Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr
You only have one business, your own. Everybody else`s, let it all go. Life will get so much easier, fulfilling and true. Imagine all the time you will be able to spend nurturing life instead of trying to control it? Oh, blessing!