THE PROCEEDING ARTICLE (book review) was written (type written using an Electric Typewriter) back on May 30th, 1974 while I was a student in class E.R. 740 JW12-1 (no recollection of what if any significance the number had) less than one month prior to my graduation from the New York School of Printing which was known back in those days as a Commercial High School aka a High School where in addition to regular academic courses (I failed Gym class in my Senior Year and almost did not graduate. That is a story for another time) three consecutive “periods (classes) were devoted to learning a trade. The School was originally billed as a school to learn and work in the printing trades until they started a Journalism Department which of course I excelled in due to my numerous writing styles and level of production. So here is (without further introduction as Ed Sullivan would say) is my review of How To Be A Perfect Liar-The Complete Alibi Handbook. I hope you get a kick out of reading the only book review I ever wrote.
If you are one of those people who are constantly looking for an excuse or alibi for something then this book which was written by Mort Weisinger is for you. I don’t recall anything about the author or what year he wrote this book in but if you do your Internet research you will find plenty of biographical material about Mort. Even if you aren’t one of the types of people who look for excuses or alibis you can still get a million laughs from reading this boos as it is simply hilarious. This book covers almost any situation for which an alibi or excuse is needed. Just say for instance you want to rid yourselves of your annoying neighbors kid who always comes over to your house wanting to take a swim (minus bathing trunks) in your brand new pool. Tell the kid that the cost of your insurance will go about $150. Per year and that you are giving the bill to his “old man” (father) to pay but for the price he can heave season swimming privileges for the entire Summer swimming season for that price plus a “small entrance fee.” Guarantee his old man will never allow his obnoxious bratty kid to come over to your yard looking to swim in your pool. This is a great excuse isn’t it? Aw shut up! What do you know anyway!
Let us say you have been cheating on your wife or husband and the party you have been cheating on starts to get suspicious that some “extra-curricular activity” is going on simply smile and tell your partner that the broad or hunk you were seen with was just helping you select a gift for somebody. Unless he or she smells perfume or men’s cologne on you they will never mistrust you again. Yeah right. Or you could simply say the Avon lady dropped samples of perfume or cologne on the floor and that it splashed all over your clothes. I LOVE IT!
We all know (even back then) how hard it is to get a doctor to make house calls when you don’t feel like traveling to his office and sitting in an office with other sick people even though you are already sick. Doesn’t that make sense? Well have no fear as Mort Weisinger is here to save the day. Look up the name of any doctor near you and call him up and tell him that you are new in town and aren’t feeling well. After that say you know the Chief of the Medical Staff at Harvard and he recommended you call and will pay for the visit. After that you can almost guarantee he will come running to see you to attend to whatever ails you.
There is so much more precious alibis, excuses, etc. in this book that it would take me umpteen pages to cover them all. I bet you’re dying for me to do that. THIS IS A RHETORICAL QUESTION SO NO ANSWER IS REQUIRED! From what little I remember from reading this book (don’t forget I wrote this review back in 1974 and am reprinting it with some “edits”) I became inspired to create my own titles to books that I could write that I hoped (never wrote them) that would be comparable.
Some of my proposed book titles included : How To Check Mate Your Mate, Drinker’s Delights, Made To Order Alibis, Cop-outs In Code, The Dating Game, How To Artfully Dodge Your Creditors, Stingers For Swingers, Just What The Doctor Ordered and more that included Tele-Phonies, Nifty Swifty’s, and lastly Party Smarty’s. I can only imagine what kind of reception these books would have received had these books been published.
Short Bio: Mort Weisinger (April 25th, 1915-May 7th, 1978) is best known for being the editor of the Comic Book Superhero Superman along with other DC Comics. Mort Weisinger was also a magazine writer not to mention the author of several books one of which inspired Steal This Book By Hippie Leader-Abbie Hoffman that became almost an anthem of the turbulent but exciting 1960’s. In fact that book was inspired by none other than Mort Weisinger.
*The number 30 has been traditionally used by Journalists to indicate the end of a story. It is commonly found at the end of a Press Release. There are many theories about how the usage came into being. The most widely accepted explanations about the usage of the number 30 at the end of an article is that in Quebec ,a journalism magazine is called –trente-which is the French word for the number 30. See you live long enough and stay on the internet long enough you will find out everything you need to know in addition to information such as above that not too many people care about which will cause people to think you are boring or have no life.
