Our beliefs rule our world beyond the obvious.
Beliefs – those rules, expectations, and lies we took on while growing up. Society tells us what is appropriate or not based on our gender, age, ethnicity and heritage, the era we grew up in, and the ‘religious’ spiritualistic views. The economic, political, social rhetoric is spoken of at any given moment. Let’s be sure to add in peer pressure, emotional coercion, guilt-tripping and emulation that is populated through the media and propaganda.
Then, of course, family expectations, hopes, dreams are drilled into the children to match the family history. What parents and significant others deem essential values and beliefs the child should live their life by. Generational, social and cultural transference of beliefs and lies disguised as norms potentially really do a lot of harm for all who remain blind and ignorant to what they are doing.
Becoming curiously aware of what and why one does what they do is like a superpower to short-circuiting the power grid.
Let’s explore this for a bit. Think through the following questions, and reflect if you
- Know why you follow your current morning routine?
- Know why you regularly choose the ‘regular’ food vs the comfort food list?
- Can different situations trigger different foods choices?
- Are know the reasoning behind the type and amount of exercise/leisure time you choose?
- Understand why some foods are deemed healthy and superfoods, vs those you consider unhealthy or poor choices?
- What is acceptable behaviour at home vs work vs with friends vs grandparents etc.?
- Can you explain the reasons behind expected social duty and responsibilities? For example, what one ‘should do’ for work/career, parenting, relationships, etc.?
- How you ‘should’ show up in different settings?
- What success looks like for you, and or should be like, not according to your preferences, but what others describe success.
The purpose of the above questions is to highlight how beliefs control beyond our self-esteem but through every thought, and choice, and action we make. Become curious, take stock, and consider the logic behind even a few of your choices. By doing this, you take back some of the power you gave away to meet others’ expectations, beliefs, rules, and dogma. Now, you can reflect and choose how you want to live your life from here. Is this easy? Not always, for as with a well-worn dirt path, the rut can be deep. To change the path, even a little be might need a bit of excavation work, repacking the rut, in this case with more truthful information, healthier decisions, and practice. Needing to question how relevant the beliefs are are for your current age, stage of life, and interests you have developed over your life to date.
By whose rules are you living?
What do you do when you realise some of your choices and how you live are not in your best interest now? Your life has changed direction, or you have learnt more about life and yourself. You’ve witnessed and experienced different ideas from when you were growing up. With these new experiences, discussions, and reflections, you have seen other ways of thinking, feeling, and being and still stay alive. Or maybe even feel more alive when you choose from a different range of beliefs. The challenge is real and stepping out of our familiar-safe space into potentially foreign territory. The unknown is a huge potential risk.
The fear and apprehension are understandable. What if you are rejected or kicked out of your current circle of contacts? Or ridiculed or blamed. Be made to feel or choose to feel guilty of changing your mind, and others are hurt along the way. What if the new choice you make is still not right? Are you allowed to make a judgement error, to experiment and test what is suitable for you, your life, your values, and above all, who you choose to become?
These fears are legitimate and are embedded in the DNA from eons ago when living within a family and tribe equated to survival against attacks and starvation. This knowledge alone could help alleviate some apprehension towards change. Yes, you might be kicked out of the familiar networks and judged for choosing differently. Still, for most people, it is unlikely you will be physically killed or starved if you move away from the familiar-safe group’s socially accepted norms.
Another consideration “Are you responsible for their reactions or feelings, or not?” This may sound like a flippant question, but I will challenge this back. You are responsible for your own being, your life, emotions, choices, etc. for it is in our body our emotions are felt, we cannot be responsible for purposefully triggering another’s physiological change. Yes, we are accountable for decisions and how they are delivered, and our actions. Ultimately though, is our life to be lived according to others’ dictates, or are we to live ours, and support others as possible and appropriate to develop their own self-awareness and healing journey.
The concept of our life is our choice; our responsibility holds true for us all. We are responsible for our life choices and how we interpret what others choose to live their authentic life.
When we feel guilt, shame, or are beholden to others, we cannot be authentic to ourselves. An internal war between what we believe to be correct, true, or should be, and a war is waged. Understandable that there are times when incidents happen, another’s demise, or if another cannot protect, defend, or proactively engage in self-protection when full responsibility is on the perpetrator. Yet, we are all born with the innate ability to tap into and live from our highest powers. Yet, our earliest experiences dictate our adult biases, fears, limitations, perceptions and choices, whether they are healthy or not. As adults, it is our responsibility to own our life choices. Therefore questioning the dogma we live from, healing and consciously choosing how we live our life from this point on.
Unfortunately, in our current cultural society, psychological-emotional self-development is either not encouraged or is frowned upon. Could the fear stem from the need to take responsibility but being blamed by our family, partners, bosses, or called ‘the crazy’ over there? That we would become more accountable for the level of enjoyment, achievements, and impact on our and others’ life?
Live from the truth, be authentic, self-responsibility doesn’t seem a common character trait but becoming popular? To be responsible is to live a life of purpose that aligns with chosen values, to live from Universal Laws, pure love, acceptance. Supporting others to be their best and not be gap fillers for their perceived inadequacies and insecurities. Cheering another towards self-actualisation or ascension. It seems most invest their efforts to thwart, undermine and condemn the one who chooses the authentic path. Those who choose to become the best version of themselves possible and invest in a life worth living by using their God-given gifts and talents for collective elevation towards our highest possible engagement?
Who are we to judge others if we do not want to be judged?
The challenge is real. To make a conscious choice to be real, be honest to ourselves is vital. Choose “Becoming our best possible selves” and do so when it goes against our entire familiar-safe history. To run the risk of exile from the familiar-safe. To be ridiculed and crucified on the stake for the sake of being our highest authentic self.
The cost of not doing authentic is equally defining and threatening. The potential cost of staying small, living in fear, by others’ rules, expectations, and limitations. To not be real to keep the peace, sacrificing self and undermining our truth to protect another’s ego or fears goes against the goal of living a life of integrity and truth.
Yet, we still need to choose. For it is our life, decide how to live it. What to say yes or no to. To consider our emotional and physical safety before or above others. To deflect self-responsibility to another puts our life at the mercy of their personal intentions. Yet, the key to creating your path towards self-actualisation is to learn about yourself, what is essential for you. Develop clarity about yourself, who you choose to be, building your inner belief and courage to stand tall and weather the challenges that come your way as you evolve.
Are you ready, though? Is your desire strong enough to learn, heal, forgive and transform the parts of your past so you can Create Your Life on Your Terms?