They say, “It gets easier.”
They say, “Time heals all wounds.”
Does it? Not for me.
It has been 32 Mother’s Days, and it feels the same each and every one of them. It hurts. Instead of remembering the days we shared and celebrated, I focus on what I’ve missed. She didn’t see me graduate college, find my dream job (what she would like the most since she had an UNPARALELLED work ethic) get married, and give birth to 2 amazing daughters. These are the only grandchildren she would ever have, as I am an only child.
They (really, who the F ARE they anyway?!) call them triggers. Something you see or hear that causes you to instantly go back to a moment that impacted you either in a positive or negative way. It starts right after Easter; ALL Mother’s Day – ALL the time. You see it in TV Commercials, social media ads, and every retail store. The smiles and songs, hugs from kids and grandkids, and all the loving sentiments. Not to sound dramatic, (cue the music) but it’s a real punch to the gut.
I have been blessed with 2 amazing daughters, and I’m incredibly happy to celebrate this day with them each year.
Tea in bed, cards, and gifts, all picked out with love – how lucky am I? But when the gifts are opened and the fun dies down, I find myself starting to feel hollow and think of my mom. What would today be like if she were here? Would we be at our house or hers? Take-out or brunch? We didn’t go out very much when I was younger, with the exception of the special birthday dinner (at which I ordered a cheeseburger every time.) I would LOVE more than anything right now to treat her to a huge lobster and a high ball 😊
So, am I destined to feel both emotions at once? I think so.
I absolutely LOVE being a mom and would not trade it for the world. To be honest, I wished I had done it sooner. Now, I’m not here to speak for everyone who has lost a mother, but when someone says, “Happy Mother’s Day” it’s okay to let yourself feel love and loss.
Blessings Kathy, loved your article. I lost my mom when I was 13 she was only 42, I often think about what it would be like to have her here today even though our relationship was very strained as a little girl. I knew that she was sick and that overcame a lot of obstacles for me thinking about how I would’ve had her live with me if I needed to, and to take care of her once I was old enough. I see other women with their mothers some don’t treat their mothers very well others are indulgent and that is a good thing. I’m happy that you have your daughters to get you through the moment but I don’t think the moments of missing her when things die down is ever going to go away. She’s there watching over you I’m sure and someday it’ll be that you’ll be able to be with her and hopefully your daughters will always appreciate you throughout their lives. God bless and have a blessed Mother’s Day!
Kathy,
I feel your heart and I feel your loss… It has been 31 years for me. I celebrate being a Mom and I grieve my loss every year.
We are all bonded as “motherless daughters” and we have every right to feel every emotion. The question for me now is… how do we prepare our daughters? #motherlessdaughters #happymothersday