The other day, I started pondering ….. when people change or ask someone to do things differently, what is at the core of this? Is it because they like their eggs in a particular way and ask or expect things to fall into line with their preferences?
I explored the idea that change could be seen as the unearthing and displaying of parts already present but hiding behind years of behaving, thinking, and choosing a certain way. This could be possible because we know that we are all we choose to be and have access to pretty much anything unless it is outside our life purpose scope. Or is this a false idea?
How about when we ask someone to do things differently? What does this translate to? They are not doing things ‘right’, according to our rules and the environment they are in – family, work, social, cultural, or other mega constructs that set the game’s rules?
How do personal choice, personality traits, likes/dislikes, etc., work with going with the flow and being true to ourselves while co-existing with others? If everyone is doing their thing and asking/expecting everyone else to do their thing, how do we cross paths to create anything?
I think there is an inherent challenge in this concept simply because co-creation is the combination of two or more ways of crossing, interacting, and creating something positive, negative, or even neutral. When, or how do personal choices start to align and develop things on purpose and with others?
- It is a meeting of enough similarities at a deeper level and the higher consciousness coming in line with what is being shared from the sub-conscious level.
- Do people start to adapt, modify, and do things that others enjoy, or what work because it makes life easier?
- Is it a conscious choice to adapt to others in the experience to maximise the interactions to meet our needs, wants, or desires in which there are changes in actions, thoughts, ideas, focuses, and likely the expansion and clarity of beliefs we choose to consider?
- Or, is it listening to others’ requests or needs and changing in response to the importance we place on the person, the experience, or the potential outcome?
- Do we adapt, modify, or even change to secure the outcome in a more favourable way?
- Does it take a considerable amount of self-awareness choice to adapt to secure the bigger picture, or do we allow our fears to rule our choice and act incongruent with what we stand for?
- What happens when we don’t know ourselves enough or believe in ourselves to say yes or no to requested and required changes?
- What if we think the opposite out of fear, “If we do what the other asks, then we are weak and will lose ourselves in the process?”
The dilemma is real, and we have all been there.
- We have wanted something, focused on how to get it, create it or secure it, but got lost parts of ourselves along the way or lost sight of what we stand for and believe in. The dream was bigger than being true to ourselves, and what was expected seemed necessary and harmless until we realised we had lost part of our soul along the way.
- We were insecure and willing to do almost anything to keep things feeling good, predictable, safe, familiar, and comfortable.
- We were scared to rock the boat, make a stand, ask for help, or ask for things to be different.
- We lacked the confidence to say, “This is who I choose to be, think and what I value and what I stand for. Here are the boundary lines and how I ask to be treated in healthy ways.”
- ‘Not knowing how you like your eggs’. People please and conform to other’s ideas, requests, demands, or expectations because we learned it didn’t matter what we wanted. Others still did what they wanted and didn’t consider our needs, wants and desires—conforming because that is safe and expected.
Cultures dictate how we will think, respond, choose, and interact with each other. Not only within our Ethnic culture but work, family, social, community groups, heritage, interest groups, and anywhere more than a person meets means a consensus of commonality will appear.
Ultimately, though, until we test ideas, experiences, people, backgrounds, etc., we are unlikely to know how we ‘like our eggs’. We simply haven’t tasted the variety of possibilities available, so we keep asking for the same thing. Without testing the waters, we will not learn what does and doesn’t fit well with our character, ideals, needs, wants, dreams or desires.
Without diving into our fears, resistances, avoidances, and conforming ways, how will we know how we like our eggs?
To learn is to experiment. To test things, feelings, situations, interactions, ideas, and possibilities and see how they feel and work and if it is something you would like to continue.
Becoming aware of when things do feel right or uncomfortable and checking in with the reasons behind the feelings. “Right,’ feelings may not be healthy but familiar and therefore considered safe. Knowing the difference can be a lifesaver.
Checking in, refining, retesting, and reevaluating is the learning cycle, and when we apply the cycle to change, we consciously adjust and adapt. This is a healthier, authentic, and desirable way of creating change to support things we do want more of and to let go of things we don’t. But, this takes self-awareness, confidence, curiosity, self-compassion, empathy, and trust in yourself and the people within whom you are testing the change cycle.
Knowing that not all changes will be good, comfortable, or create the perfect solution, but without testing the options and requests, how else do we learn about “How we like our eggs?”
But, if we don’t get to know what and how we like things for ourselves, heal the fears and trauma keeping us stuck in specific ways, and not experiment in healthy ways, we really are missing out on living.
Continue to know yourself at every rotation to share your truth, needs, wants, interests, desires, boundaries, and love with others in healthy, authentic ways. Anything less than this is a disservice to yourself and them. This is self-love personified.
