So very many of us often waffle on our wants and desires because we are not sure whether or not we can trust ourselves. We get caught often in the idea that if we make a decision and later determine it was not the right one, that we should have not listened to our gut, that we should have listened to our guts, etc.
We begin to doubt ourselves and lose trust in our ability to make decisions. So, how do we rebuild it? How can we begin to reframe our instincts, intuition, or even our logic?
Building trust in yourself is a process that requires self-reflection, self-awareness, and consistent effort. Here are some steps you can take to start building trust in yourself again:
This one is often where you may feel deflated. By acknowledging the areas where you may have made mistakes and taking responsibility for your actions can be hard. However, also recognizing that mistakes are a natural part of growth, exploration, life, expansion, and learning process and we can begin to see them as opportunities for growth. It’s one of the reasons why I call our programs Projects.. Anything new should be taken on as a project or experiment.
Being kind and compassionate towards yourself takes practice. We are so damn hard on ourselves. If we can settle into ourselves with the idea that we are starting from a place of love and safety, we can then begin to deep or broaden our experiences… Perhaps it can be reframed as treating yourself as you would treat a close friend who is going through a tough time. It’s about being aware of self-criticism and negative self-talk.
Have a Plan
This is more about setting intentions rather than setting a goal. By making small intentions and developing a little plan around them – you can safely expand into new experiences. As you complete the plan, you’ll begin to rebuild your confidence and self-trust. Celebrate the learning journey no matter what they uncover.
A great example of this is planning around your first holiday party without someone you loved. Have an escape route. It’s the same when you are venturing out into a new pleasure experience. Have an escape plan and start small. Read books, watch videos, research the places you want to go. One step at a time.
Commit to your Journey
Make promises to yourself that you can keep, and follow through on them in a real tangible way we can believe in ourselves again. But only if we accomplish them! So again, we start slow and small.
After a difficult divorce, Daria wanted to dive deeply into what pleasure was for her. Daria had never really invested in pleasure or desire. So we made a plan. She started slow by committing to morning baths, she moved on to buying a vibrator online, then came lingerie shopping, and then a whole bunch of self-led experiences came thereafter.
What Daria knows now about her desire and pleasure is far more than if she had played Tinder Roulette.
Nourish Yourself Every Day
We all know the importance of taking care of ourselves. But do we know what it means to actually nourish ourselves? To Honour Ourselves? To be grateful for who we are? Do something every day that honours you.
A good example of this is those morning baths Daria was taking. And, I know, not everyone has the time for this. Daria did them early. It feels wonderfully luxurious to run a bath and soak for 15 minutes before we even start the day.
It could be as simple as extending a body lotion application with some massage technics or as elaborate as the Release Bathing Ceremony. This sense of connection and honour helps build trust in yourself and ultimately creates confidence in your own knowing.
How do I know it’s Working?
Remember, building trust in yourself is a process that takes time and effort. But you will begin to realize that it’s working when you can stand stronger in your decisions. When you find yourself less doubtful about what you want. Great examples of this is:
We know what step we are going to explore next. We don’t be ourselves up for not hitting goals because we learned big things along the way. Our language changes we say things like “i think I want to try this out and if it’s not for me…at least I know.”
There are multiple ways of proving that you actually do trust yourself just not in every facet of your life. So I suggest you start there. Reflect a little on where you know you have expertise and skills that are trustworthy. It will help you build confidence when trying new things or when we do need to make bigger decisions. And most of all…have fun!!