I believe that everyone wants to be healthy and happy. No one chooses ill health and pain consciously. I have never met anyone who will state that they would like to stay sick, yet I have met many that are not willing to or are reluctant to do what is needed for positive change to occur. Two different things in a sense, but not really.
First of all, the conscious mind is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what we are thinking and telling ourselves. Our programming, our understanding of life, old memories and conditions, are all present in this enormous databank – the subconscious mind. It has it all recorded, and it knows more about what you believe than your awakened state ever will. Only through our actions and our experiences can we truly see what our beliefs are. We act and live according to what we have been conditioned to believe, and that might not always be as it seems. We might have beliefs we did not even know we had.
How do you know you are sabotaging yourself?
You keep getting in your own way, so to speak. That is what we call self-sabotage. It might be your subconscious mind playing a trick or two on you, and being aware of this scenario can be of enormous help moving forward. Self-sabotage simply means standing in your own way.
Our subconscious belief system might show up as a false identity, and our lives are sabotaged by our own inner thought-forms. By exploring how we live and act, we might find that we are living a typical pattern of self-sabotage.
THE 4 WAYS YOU ARE SABOTAGING YOUR OWN HEALING:
1. The not-being-worthy identity:
A very common subconscious belief that I have seen surfacing for many, is the “I do not deserve to get well”-pattern. It emanates from the lack of self-love. While deep down, you do not believe that you deserve to get well, you will keep doing things that will make that manifest as a truth. That way, you were right. Even though this is a subconscious belief pattern, it might be so strong, that it shows up in your conscious thinking as well. The feeling of unworthiness comes from holding on to old hurts. As a child, you might have been scolded and abused, physically or mentally. A child will believe that it does not deserve any better than what is, and this will be imprinted as a truth until the spell is broken. As the child grows, every time the same pattern of abuse or critique appears, it validates the already known inner truth.
A very typical way for this self-sabotage to manifest is as a self-created, very valid-looking obstacle. You will not reach your goal because you found that this was not the right time for you. Your husband lost his job, your children are too young, and they need you to do what is expected for them. This really is not the best time to take care of you – “It did not work out, because I did not have a car at the time, and could not get what I needed for my juicing”. The stories are endless, and all valid. They make sense as something the conscious mind can sort of believe, as the subconscious mind keeps playing the story of your life. The truth is though, that nothing and I mean nothing will stand in your way once you are ready. No-thing. Once that tape is turned off and replaced, none of these reasons will feel valid anymore.
What you know, and what you are programmed to believe, is not in balance, and inner chaos will arise. Even though your inner belief system is telling you that you are not worthy of this amazing health that you so long for, you consciously might want it more than anything.
2. The fear of the new identity:
Another aspect to have in mind when we are dealing with self-sabotage is the “fear of losing what we know”-pattern. It is the flip side to change, so to speak. It is the direct opposite of inviting in the change that is needed, this fear of losing what we already have.
Once we have made the decision that we are ready to go, to move forward, and to walk towards health, we know that change will be ahead. We know that we will have to change something. That is logical. The intellect knows that the protocol of eating and living will be different, and the conscious mind is ready.
Then, even if what we have been experiencing is not good for us, it`s hurting us even, it is still what we know. Even if we are in an abusive relationship, and we know that we are, it is what we are familiar with. Breaking free means uncertainty, and insecurity. The obvious scenario is that we would rather stay in pain, in fear of the unknown. I know, it really does not make sense, but for those that are living by their inner-beliefs of not being strong enough, or smart enough to be on their own, this is very real. This pattern arises from the understanding of not being able to take care for ourselves.
A typical scenario might be that you decide you are fine as you are. There was no need for any major change after all. You are fine. Your health is so much better now, it was all just a false alarm. Nothing to worry about, you are fine. No change needed.
3. The attention identity:
Being sick might have given you more attention, that has led to the feeling of being loved. This pattern is most definitely imprinted in our early childhood. The experience of getting more attention and love will stay with us, and we will continue to use the same patterns into our adult lives. A child will do what it feels it needs to do, to feel loved and accepted and if a need was fulfilled when health was impaired, the pattern will stick for life. This does not mean that to get attention you are making yourself sick, not at all, but not being healthy will be associated with something that feels familiar and safe. That way, once you change your health for the better, you might feel unsafe, and fall back to the old comfort zone. Some relationships are built on this energy. The pattern of one being the needy and one being the servant, the caregiver. The partner who is in need of care, might feel extra important or seen, while the caregiver feels there is need for them.
The fear of loss is also present in this pattern and belief-system. “If I get well, he will no longer need to be here, and he will leave me.” The fear of not being loved for who you are has made you, through your experience as a child, holding on to pain and dis-ease, so that someone will care for you, and therefore love you. The self-sabotage might sound like this: “Nothing works for me. I have tried everything, and nothing works”. This will draw in even more of the compassionate attention that you believe that you need. The truth is that you do not need any bodily dis-function, or anything else for that matter, to get the attention that you need.
4. The dis-ease identity:
Without even knowing it, you might be holding on to a dis-ease as an identity. For example, that you feel like your chronic diagnosis is serving you in some way. How in the world would being sick serve anybody, you might ask? “All I want is to get well, and there is no way being sick would serve me or anyone.” Well, I am afraid there could be. A number of things might be lingering as a subconscious belief and understanding. These are beliefs that will keep you locked in your current situation, clinging to what is, even if it is suffering and pain. Remember, these are most often unconscious patterns, not something you are choosing in the awake state. Unconscious meaning hidden to us, but often we can still feel the pattern when awareness is brought to the situation.
This programming comes from the need to belong. We all need to feel that we belong, and when we have not had that feeling growing up, we will search for it in any community or situation. Once we find it, as it is one of the basic human’s needs, it is very hard to let it go. We tend to want to stand by our tribe no matter what. They are the ones that have stuck by us and have taken us in. We’ve felt welcomed and loved. The dis-ease might even be our livelihood now, our business. A very good and sane reason to hold on to it, now that it is “working” for us. Our perceived identity is worth holding onto for our dear lives, and the true and devastating story is that that is exactly what we do.
All self-sabotage is born from the misbelief that we are less-than, not good enough, do not deserve and are not worthy of love and abundance. We carry with us the pattern that reflects back to us what we believe. All depending on which types of situations we have experienced from the early part of our lives, those same patterns are still ruling.
The subconscious mind can be reprogrammed, and every single day, it is. By the way that we live and think, we are telling our inner being what we really believe in. By walking in the direction of change, and at the same time changing our conscious thoughts, we are slowly but steadily changing from within. This is the only way true change will ever happen. I will talk more about this in a later chapter, so get ready to hit the reset button!