I had the most unusual experience the other day. There was a knock on my door and I opened it to find two men standing on my porch. They appeared to be in the neighborhood selling or proselyting something. I regularly open my door because I really enjoy people, even if I am not likely to purchase anything or convert to their faith.
This experience was odd to me because as I opened the door, neither of them seemed to notice. Why? They were both staring into their iPads and scrolling. They did not even seem aware that I was there. These people came to my door to convince me to buy something and they did not pay any attention to me.
I wanted to break into my best impersonation of Robin-Williams-as-Genie-in- Aladdin and say, “Excuse me! Are you looking away from me? Did you just ring my bell? Did you just knock on my door? And now you’re not even looking at me? I don’t think so…Not right now! You’re gonna talk to me, so look here!”
I also thought about just quietly closing the door and pretending I was not home. Instead, I politely cleared my throat. The one closer to me turned and looked at me as if surprised to see me. He had this look that said “Wow! What are you doing out here on your front porch?” His colleague never looked up the entire time.
At this point, the sales pitch was wasted and I sent them on their way! I would not have been at all surprised to find the silent one still there a week later—weeds growing around his feet as he stood on my porch. Maybe I could donate him to one of those thrift stores that come and pick things up? Is there a market for this? I think not! I hope not!
What is going on with this world in which we live? I have figured out why we love shows like “The Walking Dead” so much! It is because we get it! In so many ways, this is us! I just had a couple of zombies on my front porch. While I am fortunate they did not try to eat me, they did eat up my time and my opportunity for connection with other people. And that, in my mind, is even more horrific than a zombie-banquet of bodies!
In my professional work as a counselor, coach, and marriage educator, I consult with people every day who feel the burdens of disconnection. They are depressed, lonely, isolated, alone, and sad. I see so many who long for human touch and interaction. So many just want to be loved.
In my profession, we often talk about people being “hardwired for connection” with others. We come into this world needing and begging for meaningful connections with others. However, we so often miss out, numb out, and feel unfulfilled.
Every day, someone metaphorically opens their doors to us, hoping to connect in meaningful and fulfilling ways. Every day, we have a choice to respond with closeness and connection or distance and disconnect. It is not hard to tell which will be more fulfilling.
So, what is to be done? What can we do to stay connected and invite others to join us? Perhaps, we can start by giving connection—real connection—for Christmas. Let’s unwrap this a little! Here are a few suggestions to give the gift of connection for Christmas.
Eliminate Distractions—When you get together with your family over the holidays, please put down all the things that might get in the way of meaningful interactions. Please turn off your phone. Better, yet, try leaving it in the car. You may experience slight withdrawal symptoms, but I promise you will survive. Eat a Christmas cookie and you will get over it.
Even more than putting your phone away, how about putting all electronic distractions away? I know someone who is reading this who would be ecstatic if this was the only gift he received for Christmas. It’s not just Mariah Carey who wants it! What many family members and friends really want for Christmas is you! So, power down, turn it off, switch to airplane mode, and really show up for holiday connection time!
Offer to Help—Christmas has become somewhat of a busy time for all of us. We rush to holiday parties, to get the best gifts, and to drag the kids off for pictures with Santa. We have too much to do. Then, we have sweet treats to bake, dinners to prepare, and presents to wrap. It can all be a hustle that leaves us feeling stressed out and depleted.
Connection can help with that. Call a friend and offer to help. Host a gift-wrapping party! Go shopping with someone else. Work together. You do not need to add anything to your schedule. Just add a friend, loved one, or child to the mix. Connection can make the ride all that much easier. I love to do Christmas errands with friends and loved ones!
Plan Time to Visit Others—I often miss the family tradition we had for many years on Christmas Eve. We would start early in the afternoon and go and visit friends and relatives. We did not make appointments, but just dropped by. After a couple of years of doing this, people expected it. It became a tradition!
I will never forget some of these visits! We shared the sweetest Christmas treats. Yet, mostly, we just spent time together. I will never forget kisses on the cheek from my Great Uncle and Aunt. I will be forever grateful I learned to make yummy calamari from a dear friend. So often, we were greeted with “I hoped you would come!” I will cherish these memories and more forever!
I will never forget a holiday time visit to some friends. While there, I enjoyed visiting with the adults for a while and then got to playing with the kids. I had so much fun and enjoyed it. My partner was in another room staring at the television. The father approached me, interrupted me and the kids, and asked if I would rather go and watch television too.
My response was something like this: “That television show means nothing. I can go and watch TV and never remember what I watched or I can play with these kids and be with your family and never ever forget it!” I have never forgotten those kids (and really countless other experiences like this!).
Take a moment and search through your favorite memories. It may not surprise you that all of them have to do with people and the connections you made with them. Make a plan to connect—really connect—with people today!
So, how about wrapping up something really wonderful for Christmas this year?
I know someone in your life who is singing with Alan Jackson, “I only want you for Christmas…Tie a ribbon ‘round yourself!”
How about giving a little more of your uninterrupted, not distracted, technology-free, beautiful self to someone you love! Let’s give the gift of connection for Christmas!
Merry Connected Christmas!
