Hi Tech And Me …

We have taken another step into the black hole of high technology in our home. We recently received a cylinder called Alexa.  This is a machine that sits on the counter and says things.  After Christina got it functioning she called me into the kitchen and told me to ask Alexa for the time.  That seemed a bit unnecessary to me as I was standing beside a clock, but I did it.  The machine said, “You need to lose weight”.  I don’t like Alexa.  Who is this woman who thinks she can say that to me on our first meeting?  How rude.  (Christina insists that Alexa said that it was half past eight, but I don’t believe it.)  Okay, I admit I didn’t have my hearing aids in yet.

It seems that this Alexa person, in addition to insulting me, can also play music, order a pizza, read a book to me, and tell me what my appointments are for the day.  Of course, I have to first tell her my appointments and if I know them why do I need her to tell me what they are?

I am given to understand that this woman does all these things by communicating with some voice service in a cloud. I once had an employee that I found doing something like talking to a cloud when he was high on cocaine.  I paid to put him thru a rehab program.  He did it again.  I fired him.  Why now would I want a rude woman sitting on my kitchen counter talking to a voice in the clouds?

Now, I freely admit that I am high-tech challenged.  Well, actually if the truth were told I am really high-tech inept.  I’m still struggling with writing cursive where it can be read.  I don’t know wi-fi from hi-fi, lo-fi or stereo.  Whatever.  I don’t know what a blue tooth is or looks like and I don’t think I want to know.  With the spiked orange hair and buying new jeans with holes in them perhaps blue teeth will be the next fad.

Granted this hi-tech explosion has some good points.  However, we were without internet for over two months after hurricane Michael and surprise surprise.  While mildly inconvenient sometimes, frankly it wasn’t terminal.  I agree that not having any of this high-tech stuff would slow things down.  But, would that be so bad?  Maybe sitting curled up in front of the fireplace with a good book and no likelihood of some unknown woman telling you that you need to lose weight wouldn’t be so bad.  Pass the chips, please.

Okay, I accept the fact that this technology revolution is here to stay.  I even accept that I must embrace it to a point.  That doesn’t mean I’m going to give in without some grumbling though.

In any case, thanks to our daughter for sending Alexa to us.  I’m looking forward to exchanging insults with the little bitch.  As that fat guy with the red suit would say, ho ho ho and a Merry Christmas to all!