Hatred Is a Choice

I have a theory.

Most of my theories are now buried, layers deep, in the Great Trash Heap of Failed Ideas. But this one seems to possess some merit, to have legs as we say in the marketing biz. Try it on:

Ignorance breeds fear, which breeds hatred, which breeds abuse, violence, and sometimes death.

This theory seems to hold true because what we don’t know tends to make us afraid. Because we’re disinclined to learn what we don’t know — about people, thoughts, beliefs, cultures, ethnicities, traditions, religions, rituals, et al. — we feel threatened. We adopt righteous, defensive postures that prevent us from reaching the middle ground of understanding. As a result, we lash out whenever what we don’t know gets too close.

Antisemitism is a reaction to fear. The Ku Klux Klan is a reaction to fear. Black Lives Matter is a reaction to fear. Anti-Asian bias is a reaction to fear. And so it goes. We’d rather fear, hate, and abuse each other than to talk with each other, to learn what we don’t know, and to overcome our own fear and hatred.

Connecting Dots

When I pointed out to Dennis Pitocco that hate is a four-letter word, he replied: “So are love and hope.” That caused me to go back 30 years or so to the time at which my sons were young.

I don’t know if this is true for anyone else. But for me, parenting was a matter of common sense. Except in cases of obvious and serious injury or illness, I felt pretty well equipped to do what needed to be done in most circumstances. If my sons were hungry, I fed them. If they were hurt, physically or emotionally, I comforted them. If they were undertaking something positive, I supported and encouraged them. If they were undertaking something less positive, I discouraged them and explained why I was doing so. If they got into trouble, I stood by them while they endured the consequences they’d earned by the trouble they’d caused or gotten into.

Along the way, I somehow had the wherewithal to tell them there are just two fundamental motivations in the world. Those motivations are fear and hope. I shared with them my conviction that people who were motivated by hope — presuming, of course, they weren’t deliberately stupid or blindly naïve — had far less to fear than those who were motivated by it. I suggested if they believed they could do something — or wanted to achieve something passionately enough — they likely would. I suggested if they believed they couldn’t do something, they’d be self-fulfillingly right. And I told them hopeful people — with far fewer things to fear — are much less likely to hate.

Hence, the theory with which this post begins.

I don’t know if this is true for anyone else. But the more hopeful I am, the more light I find in the world. The more hopeful I am, the fewer things I find to fear. The fewer things I find to fear, the less likely I am to hate. That, too, seems to be a matter of common sense.

The older I get, the more sure I am hope is the right choice.

That’s not a theory.

Editor’s Note: Join Mark and all of us as together, we combat all forms of hate. Read more here: Hate is A Four-Letter Word